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Evening invites only to family who live 3 hours drive away. Will they be offended?

(36 Posts)
MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 22:23:23

DP's cousins live 3 hours drive away in London and he doesn not have a close relationship with them at all, hence the reason they are not invited to the afternoon reception as we are keeping it to 50 close family and friends who we see a lot. Is it acceptable to only invite people to the evening do when they live so far away?? Interested to see what others have done in a similar situation. Thanks

Bonsoir Mon 18-Feb-13 10:25:40

It sounds really odd to me. Who are you inviting to the wedding ceremony?

TiredyCustards Mon 18-Feb-13 10:19:38

I wouldn't be offended at all.

We are having immediate family only for the ceremony, then a big party for everyone. For me, the ceremony is solemn and private, not the beginning of a party.

defuse Sun 10-Feb-13 00:26:46

I would invite the cousin who helped with the job to the full do and the other cousins for evening only. You are not so close to the other 2 cousins, so shouldnt feel like you must treat all 3 cousins the same.

On a lighter note, myself being Asian, if we dont invite every family member from around the country and all the friends and the entire asian community within a 5 mile radius to a wedding, it would be considered rude! As a result i have attended weddings with 500 guests. Oh what fun the were! grin

Sorry...not helpful....i know.

olgaga Sun 10-Feb-13 00:17:23

Well in that case send them a note with your invite saying you appreciate it's a long way to come - it would be great to see them but if they can't make it you hope to catch up soon.

The distance they travel will be the same whether they're there all day or just in the evening - they'd still have to stay overnight.

I don't understand why on earth anyone who wasn't really close would be offended by not being at the actual nuptials. That's for close family and friends, most people would understand that.

MadameFlutterby Sun 10-Feb-13 00:09:04

Olgaga, like I said we feel like we are getting close to one of the cousin's and building a few bridges, hence my inability to make a decision..

Vijac Sun 10-Feb-13 00:04:50

I wouldn't be offended and I may like to go to help you celebrate and catch up with other family members you don't see often. I don't know why people are so hoity toity about it, there's no obligation to go and it's lovely to get any invite.

MadameFlutterby Sun 10-Feb-13 00:04:07

They don't call you the Second Coming for nothing teehee wink

TheSecondComing Sun 10-Feb-13 00:02:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olgaga Sat 09-Feb-13 23:58:33

FGS just don't invite them! What's the point? If you're not close, you're not close enough to invite them.

MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 23:58:31

That's pretty rude MiniEggs!! I would be furious too, but not much you can really do I suppose..eeek!

TheSecondComing Sat 09-Feb-13 23:53:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentProvocateur Sat 09-Feb-13 23:51:21

strange city...

MiniEggsinJanuary Sat 09-Feb-13 23:51:01

I agree with you, OP. Hopefully they won't be as offended as DH's cousin's now ex girlfriend who wasn't invited to the main reception but turned up anyway!! We had never met her and DH hadn't seen cousin since he was 4. They had only been in the relationship for a week! We thought we were being generous in inviting her to the evening. She had to be squeezed on to a table beneath elbows and on a child's chair!

AgentProvocateur Sat 09-Feb-13 23:50:45

God, no - that's worse! "Travel three hours to see us for 30 minutes in the church, bugger off for another three hours and amuse yourself in a storage city while I take everyone else for a meal, then join us for a few hours' dancing before travelling back for three hours... "

Think about it. The cousin did your DH a massive favour. Invite him and his partner, but not the two other cousins, to the whole day.

NorksAreMessy Sat 09-Feb-13 23:49:48

Just don't invite them at all...then the worry goes away

MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 23:45:07

We are getting married in church so how about saying something along the lines of they are welcome to watch the ceremony, but due to budget restrictions it is only a very small number at afternoon etc. Or are we digging ourselves a hole?

Unacceptable Sat 09-Feb-13 23:44:35

I wouldn't be offended at all.

My cousin lives a couple of hours away and while we aren't close these days I'd be happy if she invited me to her upcoming wedding (and would totally understand an evening only invite,have only seen her on facebook over the past few years)

With big families it isn't always practical to have everyone attend the whole thing and most people get that.

Invite them.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Sat 09-Feb-13 23:32:29

I wouldn't be offended by such an invite and as we sometimes go away for a Saturday night stay at weekends, I'd try and combine with one of those. Or I'd decline. No big deal.

HazeltheMcWitch Sat 09-Feb-13 23:31:20

AGree with Exit - they're for local colleagues/friends - not good friends - who are in your life now but probably wont be in 5, 10, 15 years time.

ExitPursuedByABear Sat 09-Feb-13 23:29:30

Evening only invites, to my mind, are for work colleagues and local 'mates' who do not have far to travel.

People you really want to share your wedding are invited to the whole shebang.

MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 23:24:32

Thanks for your insight AEM, you are probably right

MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 23:17:28

Does anyone actually believe in 'evening-only' invites then? Because by the responses so far it would seem they just appear rude?

LittleBearPad Sat 09-Feb-13 23:13:19

Was just invited to the evening only as well that is several hundred miles away. We have a small DC so it was surely obvious we'd say no. Definitely a duty invite and fairly irritating.

MadameFlutterby Sat 09-Feb-13 23:11:58

In an ideal world I would invite them to the whole day but like I have said, and I'm sure this is the case for many people, we don't have an unlimited supply of money. But having thought it through and from what people have said so far, perhaps it's better to adopt the 'all or nothing' approach.

AnneEyhtMeyer Sat 09-Feb-13 23:08:28

I don't think I am being abrupt. I'm just asking you to think about what you are doing and how it will be perceived.

If you are honest with yourself you will know that if you really wanted them to be there you would have invited them to the whole shebang.

There is nothing wrong with not inviting people to a wedding, I don't agree with inviting everyone you've ever met / are related to / knows your mother. I just wish people would be more honest with their invitations, and inviting someone who lives three hours away (and who you admit you aren't close to) to an evening reception is frankly pointless and a bit insulting.

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