A rant and moan about requests for money / wedding lists - does anyone else feel this way?

[JessyLou32]

So I have been told that with a lot of wedding lists you are not actually buying that person what you think you are buying (eg the toaster, plates, whatever you choose on their list) but that actually you are just putting that sum of money into a fund for them to splash at that shop on whatever they like, so if they have a John Lewis wedding list for example they can actually just spend the money on food at Waitrose. This feels like a bit of a con to me........

I also once bought someone an 'experience' for their honeymoon off a giftlist but turned out I was actually just transferring £40 into their bank account via Paypal and they never even had the 'tennis lessons' I thought I had bought them. Feels so wrong and has put me off buying from wedding lists.

I also recently got invited to an evening only part of a large wedding (there were 100+ day guests) and in the invitation was a gift list and the cheapest things on there were £30+. I thought that was a bit off, especially as I had to travel, stay overnight and buy all my own (overpriced) drinks at the wedding as there was not even one drink for evening guests on the house. The couple are well off and it was not a budget wedding.

I have also been to a wedding where I handmade the wedding gift (it was something very thoughtful and personal and took me two days to make, not to mention that I had also handmade loads of stuff for the hen do too which took ages) and did not even receive a thank you note.

I have also just overheard someone I know talking about wedding gifts, and moaning that their friend had 'only' spent £50 on their gift list. Could not believe this attitude!! They were actually logging onto their gift list and monitoring what people had spent then moaning about it! The cheek!

I know its the tradition but I just find it so wrong to ask for wedding gifts! I wouldn't invite you to my Birthday party then send you a list of suggestions for a Birthday gift.

Sorry to moan but I am just so fed up with what I see as rudeness.

I have kind of decided from now on I am not going to buy from wedding lists - I will just decide for each couple what I want to give them myself. Maybe sometimes I will choose a gift or maybe sometimes I will give them money or vouchers if I know they are in a position where money would be more useful for them (for example I gave my brother and his wife a lot of money for their wedding as I know in their current personal circumstances that would be much more useful to them than any other gift). But I find it really cheeky when people I know who earn the best part of £200K between them are asking for money.

So I have decided when DP and I marry, we will not have a wedding list or ask for money. If people want to get us something, that is their free choice and they can either enquire what we would like, or buy us something of their choosing or put some money / vouchers in a card, but it will be entirely their free choice. And if they choose not to get us anything that is up to them and I will certainly not moan about it! Yes so we might end up with some towels we don't really like and an extra kettle, but I will NOT be sending gift lists.

Rant over

[amazingmumof6]

you are a lovely person for being grateful for whatever you'd be given!

when we got married we had a wedding list, but the way it was devised we had a variety of things we wanted (price wise) and people could either pay for the items or pay any amount of money towards it.

for example we chose our dinner set and cutlery from Habitat, but everything was available to buy individually, so one friend bought a plate for £6.00 coz that was all she could afford!
we were just as grateful for that as for DH's 4 uni friends who clubbed together to buy our dishwasher for over 300.00!

we got loads of presents that were not on the list too, and some we didn't like, but sent thank you cards for everyone.

so I think if done reasonably wedding lists are a great idea! some people will always do their own thing anyway.

If we can't give something personal or much needed/wanted by the recipient (wedding or otherwise) we normally give cash.

and for school age friends of DC I buy book vouchers, £1.00/years (so £8.00 worth for an 8 year old)

I wish there were "Baby lists" available though - DS1 ended up with about 20 hats, but no socks!
I was grateful for the thought, but it was a bit of a waste money and made me feel bad that most gifts were not used - he was born in July, and by the time I needed those hats they were too small....

I would have preferred nappies TBH...

[Lonelynessie]

My future mil once bought a couple a goat sponsorship from oxfam. Their wedding list was ridiculous though (think Harrods) and they are both bankers so not exactly short on money.

[ohmyeyes]

We had a wedding list from JL and we received actual items. I think there was an option for guests to buy gift vouchers, but if they'd bought specific items then that's what we received.

The list was mainly for overseas relatives, where we had a celebration with DH's family (from another country) - we were worried that if we didn't make a list, we'd have ended up with a load of pans and glasses to try and carry back within our luggage allowance .

Generally we got money though, DH and I are both from countries where this is pretty common. I don't have a problem with giving money as a gift either, regardless of how much people earn. I generally set a minimum amount to cover the cost of my meal, it would feel rude to spend any less than that.

[Ragwort]

Lonely - I give charity gifts for wedding presents, most of my friends are on their second, if not third, wedding - the best charity gift for weddings is one for 'family planning' (ie: condoms ) - always amuses me.

I agree, why do people who are clearly on large incomes, throwing large wedding celebrations (think £15K or similar ) still expect to receive gifts?

We only invited four people to our wedding and none gave presents so that was fine .