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I'm wondering if im making a mistake?

(11 Posts)
runninglady1 Thu 01-Sep-11 15:00:41

so, i'm getting married soon, and i have a feeling i making a big mistake. when we got engaed it was all good, but i'd be lying if i said something inside me didn't shout out NOOOO!
We've been together 4 years, and have a 1 1/2 year old. we are going through a rough patch - that seems to have lasted at least a year and shows no sign of stopping - i don't like him most of the time atm, we either argue or dont talk.

everything is booked and almost paid for. a lot of money has gone into it, and i've enjoyed planning it. but as the year has progressed our relationship has gone downhill.

The thought of standing infront of family and friends and HIM and take vows that to be honest i don't mean seems just horrible and tbh i'm dreading it. i can't talk to anyone in rl about it, im too ashamed of telling anyone that i'm dreading getting married and feel bad a lot of people have paid a lot of money, cancelling is NOT an option.

just wanted to know of any stories from any of you about what it felt like for you getting married. am i alone in my feelings or will they change...?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 01-Sep-11 15:27:39

You might be better reposting in the relationahips section, but I'd say cancel the lot, it'll cost a lot more money and heartbreak to divorce a couple of years down the road.

Collision Thu 01-Sep-11 15:28:41

I would cancel too and have some time apart to see how you really feel.

Imnotaslimjim Thu 01-Sep-11 15:34:17

How far away is soon?

Is it possible to separate for a little while, so you can reassess what you want from life and the relationship?

It would be much better to deal with it now, and avoid the heartache and cost of a divorce in a few years when you decide that actually, in the time leading to the wedding, your doubts were real ones and you want out

Ephiny Thu 01-Sep-11 17:08:15

I think it's totally normal to have a few doubts/nerves about making such a big commitment as marriage - but when you say "i don't like him most of the time atm, we either argue or dont talk", that sounds like something more.

Personally I would cancel/postpone if I was feeling like that. The money is just as wasted if it goes on a meaningless wedding followed by a divorce, than on no wedding at all.

Hassled Thu 01-Sep-11 17:11:41

Don't do through with it. Tell your family/friends it's a postponement rather than a cancellation if you need to (tell them the venue you want is unavailable/you'd rather save for longer and have a better wedding/you're so set on a dress that you'll wait a year for it), but they'll understand if you tell the truth. You need to be sure.

RandomMess Thu 01-Sep-11 17:13:57

You need to talk to him asap, do not go through with it if you feel like that!

Ephiny Thu 01-Sep-11 17:15:58

And I'm sure your family and friends would rather you cancelled/delayed the wedding than ended up in an unhappy marriage...wouldn't they? If it was one of your good friends (or your future/hypothetical daughter) what would you advise her to do?

eaglewings Thu 01-Sep-11 17:18:35

Where are you getting married? If it is in a church the minister should take time to meet with you together or on your own.

Relate etc also good. You need to talk this through in RL before you walk down the aisle.

Getting divorced is not only costly in money but emotion and what relationship you have with your child's father will be worse not better.

Nerves are normal, but loving and liking partner is vital!

runninglady1 Thu 01-Sep-11 19:25:32

thank you all for your responses sorry couldn't relply to each one as have had a busy day at work. will think long and hard about postponing, i'm goning to make a real effort to make this work

SquongebobSparepants Thu 01-Sep-11 19:30:15

How soon is soon? Do you have time for maybe one couple's counselling session?

Have you spoken to your fiance about your doubts? This could show you his true feelings as well as help you talk through yours.

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