Wedding List Wording

[oohlaalaa]

I have just noticed, that there is some strong opinions on wedding lists and wording it.

Although we have a home together, it is full of missmatched plates cutlery etc. all bought cheaply, and family cast offs. Our sofa was my grandparents, and our spare room bedroom suite was from when my aunt down sized. We have always intended to upgrade as and when we can afford to, which we are doing very gradually. We recently did up the dining room after five years in our house.

We would like to have some nice stuff for our home, and have decided to have a wedding list. We will be sending an information sheet, with the invites.

Which wording do you prefer?

Gift List 1:

It?s your presence, rather than your presents that we would love, however should you wish to buy us a gift, we have a list with John Lewis (no. ).


Gift List 2:

If you would like to buy us a gift, we have a list with John Lewis (no. )

[Pagwatch]

Ok .
Well I am going to be a pain in the arse to begin with because I think sending present advice out with invites is grim. I never sent one out. People contacted me/my parents or dhs parents if they wanted present suggestions.

Havi g said that....No 1 is a bit twee but the sentiment is great. So probably no 1.

[LizaTarbucksAuntie]

Good luck with this one :)

We're not having a gift list both on 2nd time around and have just crammed all DP's stuff into mine and littlemads tiny cottage as it is :) , but recognise that some people might want to buy a gift - I always hate going to a wedding with no gift at all.

We've not sent information for guests - they can ring us to talk about stuff. I'd never send a 'gift list' with invitations either, looks a bit like you're expecting them.

Please don't to the presence/presents wording thing......

[oohlaalaa]

Thanks pagwatch and liza.

I am not sending the information sheet to family and friends who will know where to go. I dont mind if people dont buy off the list or phone us up.

It will be quite a big do, and uni friends /family friends who are not local will need directions etc. and details of where to stay, so I thought would send an information sheet to them, and DP thinks we should include gift lift. It saves a few people asking.

I also think first option is twee, but friendly. Will put it to mumsnet vote. Currently it is one all.

[LizaTarbucksAuntie]

I did a little google for you:

Here are some suggested ways of saying different things

Suggested Gift List Wording
If you want to explain to your guests that they don't have to buy you a gift, or if you want to tell them a bit about your gift list here are some suggestions:

Please don't feel obliged to give us a gift - all we really want is to have a lovely wedding which we can share with our friends and family.

Your presence is more important than a present!

You probably know that we usually like to do things differently - so it might not be a surprise to you that our gift list is a little bit different too!

As we already have a lot of household items, we hope you won't mind us asking for money instead of traditional wedding gifts. We're planning to spend the money on...

To celebrate our wedding we're going on a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon which will give us memories we'll always remember. Our honeymoon gift list shows some of the trips we've got planned so you can see how we plan to use your kind wedding gift.

We've decided to set up a charity gift list. If you would like to give a gift, this is a perfect way for our wedding to help others less fortunate than us.

[wobblyweeble82]

I go for number 1. Sure it's a bit twee, but nobody can take offence from it can they? We recently received an invite when the bride and groom simply asked for money - that grated a little, I won't lie. And number 1 you're giving people the choice aren't you? As long as you've got some reasonably priced things on your list and the cheapest thing isn't £60, I don't see anything wrong with it. Having said that, when DH and I got married we didn't ask for anything other than our friends and families to be there. Even though we didn't expect anything, we were lucky in that we got weekends away, tickets to gigs, crates of wine etc. Our pals are top Good luck with it all :)

[oohlaalaa]

Thanks Liza. I like:

Please don't feel obliged to give us a gift - all we really want is to have a lovely wedding which we can share with our friends and family. However, if you would like to buy us a gift, we have a list with John Lewis (no. ).



I think it may be rather wordy.

[alfabetty]

Why not include an information sheet with the usual directions, hotels etc, then add

'any other questions - here's our number or you can contact [any or all of ] our parents/bridesmaid/best man on [details]'.

Then leave the gift list details with them - either people will ask you if you have a list and you say 'yes, a few things at JL ' - or they'll contact your parents/ILs etc to get the details.

People do tend to recognise that people getting married live in fear of getting three toasters so usually have a list or instructions as to gifts, so I don't think putting details in with the invite is necessary (or polite... ).

So a no to both option 1 and option 2!

[oohlaalaa]

Alfabetty, I agree with you. I'd originally decided to not refer to list, but DP disagrees. He thinks it saves guests having to bother wedding party. We're inviting 140 people.

As a compromise with DP, many of the guests do not need the information sheet, and I will leave it for them to contact us if they want to know about gift list. Also we are not asking for gifts from evening guests.

[alfabetty]

Well... if I'm an evening guest I a) always buy a gift and b) always buy from the list as they tend to be the weddings of mates rather than very close friends or family, for whom I go and choose something special or bespoke.

So if you are having a list (which is perfectly reasonable, esp if you want as you say, matching crockery, glassware etc rather than lots more 'bits' of sets) I'd make sure everyone knows about it. People like to spend £25 but think they are contributing to part of a bigger and long-lasting gift like a good dinner service.

I just don't like the lists that have £150 throw cushions on that you know the couple wouldn't spend their own money on. So I don't object to wedding lists, I just don't like the details being included with the invite. A quick call or email to ask about gifts is not a huge problem, or a question when the guest RSVPs.

[alfabetty]

The other thing is, if you or your parent etc actually speak to guest about it, it is much easier to say - we/they would like a new sofa, so if you buy JL vouchers, that's what we/they will use it for. Or that we/they would like a matching dinner service so they have made a list at JL with that and a few other bits for the house on it.

Everyone knows the deal when you are invited to a wedding - you buy a household gift and ideally people want to buy you something you want and will use - but it just seems less bald to speak about it than when it is written down in an invite!

[oohlaalaa]

I am in complete agreement with you Alfabetty, but unfortutunately DP is quite insistent that it should go on information sheet.

His blokes view is that if it's on the sheet, it saves the guest having to contact bride groom parents etc. He does not see the social etiquette in omitting the fact there is a list at John Lewis.

We have compromised with the information sheet only going to the guests who require directions etc. This is only about half the guests. I refuse to include a note with invite specifically referring to gift list, but I think if it is at the bottom of information sheet, it is not so bad.

[FourFortyFour]

Number 1 is awful.

We put a card in saying "for details of directions, accommodation and the wedding list please phone....."

[alfabetty]

OP, I agree, a line on the info sheet a more subtle way of dealing with it than the JL printed gift card.

Every invite I've has recently has had the JL gift card in it so I can see why your DP doesn't see the problem. Was different in my day.... handwritten book with tear-out slips once someone has bought an item! Good luck with your planning.

[MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall]

OP - have you thought of this situation....

Guest 1 "the invitations were lovely, and the information sheet bride and groom sent was very helpful"

Guest 2 "I didn't get an information sheet, apparently they only sent information sheets to the guests who were not close friends/family etc"

Guest 1 "oh, i thought i was a close friend - perhaps not"

can you see where this is going......

I'd either send an information sheet to everyone, or not at all.

Best Wishes for the big day :)

[oohlaalaa]

Thanks FoyrFortyFour, I have decided not to use option one.

We need to include an A4 folded information sheet, as the venue is not the easiest place to find, and a map will be helpful. We dont want lots of guests getting lost.

Good point merightyouwrong. Thank you.

The invitation sheet will just be directions and places to stay.

The wedding is in a marquee at my parents farm, so the guests who will not get information sheets are friends and family of my parents, together with my childhood friends. I will try and make sure that it is sent to whole groups, so if there is one person in group who knows where parents live, then I will still send them the information sheet too.

[melodyangel]

How about setting up a wedding website or face book group with all the details on it then just add for more detail including directions etc please go to www.oohlaalaa'swedding.co.uk
Or put your email on there and send out a stock email to all those requiring additional information.

[oohlaalaa]

Thank you all. Personally I find a sheet of paper easier than a website. Guests will also have the directions/map already printed out.

I have just drafted the information sheet as follows:

INFORMATION

We very much appreciate the effort and planning many of you will be making to join us, and hope the following information will be of use.

Directions

Accommodation

Mini bus

We will be organising a mini-bus from ............. to Hotel 1 and Hotel 2. If you are staying at either of these hotels, please let us know as soon as possible, so that we can book a place on mini-bus for you.

Gifts

If you would like to buy us a gift, we have a list at John Lewis (no )

Music

Please let us know, with RSVP, your favourite songs for DJ.

Any other questions

You can contact us on ........... or ........(brides parents name)....... on ....................



is there anything that I have missed?

[BoobopTallullah]

Food allergies or vegetarians? Highchairs for baby's if invited or childrens meals?

[brooksy1]

Hi. I'm out of date with the new way. Have daughter getting married and she has asked me to put a present list together, not on line. They are basically starting from scratch. Does anyone have a template I can use then tweak to work for them? Loads of things online but with pictures and related to stores, don't want that.
Thanks

[helenharry]

We just put in the gift card thing with our invitations, I think it is a bit awkward but generally (not saying definitely and I know some people don't which is completely up to them) people do want to give gifts and u don't give guidance the general thing is you end up with a whole load of crap you don't want, don't need so at least with that people know they are going to get you what you actually want. Just if you are doing a gift list make sure you choose a variety of prices, when we went to John Lewis they give a bit of a guide of number of gifts and they split it into catergories so you can see how many you've got at each price bracket.

[helenharry]

Brookesy1, if you go into shop wedding lists I,e, Debenhams, John Lewis, they have an outline of presents that normally appear on a gift list that might help you out as a starting point

[brooksy1]

Thank you. As long as they dont want the list to be with their store as that is not what she wants.
Thanks

[Dingarees]

I like the first one.

[Dingarees]

Liza

All that stuff is truly horrendous.

[BackforGood]

I'm with your dhtb - It makes much more sense to include all the information with the invitation. I would - as you've suggested - put it on a separate information sheet, but it's ridiculous to pretend that most people aren't going to get you a gift for your wedding. Of course they are, and etiquette (in my world anyway) says that a gift list is fine for a wedding, so you might as well let people know how to access it rather than each couple / family / person having to contact you individually to then be given the same information.