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why why WHY? what am I supposed to do?

(12 Posts)
titferbrains Fri 24-Jul-09 14:25:25

Why is there so much confusion around solids and milk feeds after 6 mo?

DD is now 10mo and is barely eating. She is getting extra milk at night, 300ml of hi energy milk via ng tube post chemo and due to low weight.

Why do BLWers believe that it's just fun till one but HVs and dieticians say to keep going with diff foods, enriching purees etc to increase weight gain?

I AM SO HACKED OFF TODAY. Every feed is down to me and I cannot bottle my frustration. Today I have shouted at DD so many times because I'm just so fed up with it all. I know I have to keep persevering but I feel pulled in many directions, to keep making an effort with food, to give up entirely, to just give milk, to breast feed to comfort me and her, to deny her breastfeeds because I want to stop and because I don't want it messing up what little feeding pattern we have established.

Just really angry and tired. I know you can't help I've just had enough. It's been a long week and we've hardly left the house due to bad weather and swine flu (no buses or public transport due to lo immune system), friends who said they'd visit flaked at last minute etc etc.

greensnail Fri 24-Jul-09 19:34:33

Just wanted to say I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time. Really sorry that I can't do anything to help or have any useful advice, but bumping incase someone else has a magic wand for you or at least some useful suggestions.

Deanna1977 Fri 24-Jul-09 20:25:01

Hi titferbrains

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Hope your LO is doing Ok after chemo.

I don't know of you remember but my LO is a tiddler too (below the 0.4th centile). I have been to a dietician in the last month & got the same advice as you I guess. To enrich purees/yogurts with formula, double cream etc. That's all very well when they are not bothered about eating/ drinking milk!

You say that every feed is down to you. Can your DP help out with feeding solids to give you a break?

I can't give you any advice on whether to give up solids or just feed milk. I also find it difficult to get the right balance. Please phone your dietician & ask for advice as it is worrying you. Also start a food diary if you have not done one before. Writing down what my DS ate for a week helped me see that he didn't eat as badly as I thought. Dietician's also love food diaries!

I feel your pain with feeding. It's so frustrating getting food down my DS as he is just not that fussed about it. I try to take every meal as it comes, take a deep breath, smile & relax. (Difficult I know.I find that singing helps!)

300ml of high energy milk at night sounds good if you are breastfeeding as well. (I wish my Lo fed that well before bed.)

Please take care. I'll come & visit if you like! I am swine flu free.


titferbrains Fri 24-Jul-09 22:26:19

Thanks all.

DD's feed is via a special tube, so it's nothing to do with me. I have basically stopped BFing but give her a tiny bit occasionally because I have little panics that she'll suddenly "need" a breastfeed and I won't have milk.... I still sometimes feed her to sleep for a nap.

I did do a food diary for the beginning of her illness, but it was a bit of a nightmare. She is still eating tiny amounts but of a reasonable variety of things which is something to be grateful for I guess.

It's just a difficult time I guess, I keep telling myself her eating habits will become more normal but I wanted to cry when I had roasted all these lovely veggies for her today that I know she likes, and she wouldn't eat them. And she had 3 new things the day before that she ate quite happily! It's the fickleness of it all that is so wearing. I never know what she'll take. I just want her to eat what I eat... I say a lot of really rude things about successful BLWers in my head. A lot. As well as cursing my innocent plan to BLW and outsmart all the puree lovers and their "my baby won't eat lumps" issues...FOOL.

Am just rambling now, but thanks for a bit of support. Will try to enjoy my evening wiht my fab DH.

marmoset Sat 25-Jul-09 21:53:49

titferbrains - hope the weekend has been better for you. Feeding issues are really stressful. I have 3 dcs: ds1 has sn and still won't take finger foods at age 12, ds2 has always eaten for Britain and dd of 9m eats like a particularly fussy sparrow. It's definitely easier having a good eater who hoovers everything you make but they aren't all like that by any means.

Dd has rejected so many of my home made meals that i'm down to 3 dishes so I keep some jars in the cupboard for days she rejects the homemade stuff.

Don't beat yourself up about your BLW plans - children have a habit of tearing up the best laid plans at the best of times and you are in a very stressful situation as it is. Take care x

wrinklytum Sat 25-Jul-09 22:02:59

Hi Titfer,basically justwanted to reiterate what Marmoset says but also the dietician etc will be pushing the ng etc feeding as having cancer increases the bodies requirements for nutrients and your Lo probaly needs a little bt extra in this direction.Don't beat yourself up about her not doing the blw stuff right now.she may not feel up to eating much orally if her blood counts are low and she is abitoff colour.Re fussing with food,ds whohas no health issuesis a bugger and some days just picks at stuff,kids they are fussy blighters sometimes xx.Go easy on yourself you have enough to deal with without worrying about blw xx

wrinklytum Sat 25-Jul-09 22:13:47

PS am very ignorant wrt paed cancers but with adults we often supplement diet with those "Fortisip" type nutrition drinks.You can also add freeze them to make ice lollies and can do stuff like add tehm into cake mixes instead of milk (went to a study day and saw chef who did 101 things with a fortisip!).Maybe you could ask dietician for clarification also and ask for suggestions?

Take care Wrinklyx

AcademicMum Sat 25-Jul-09 22:27:29

sad I really feel for you with this. DS2 didn't gain weight well from 4 months and still is not a big eater at 14 months. We have had soooo many days where I have sat and bawled my eyes out or had to leave the room mid-meal to go and rant and stamp around due to sheer frustration. I started weaning at 23 weeks and by 26 weeks my HV critisised me because ds2 was not yet on 3 meals per day shock.

Have you read the book "My Child Won't Eat" by Carlos Gonzalez. It is a book from La Leche League and it is really excellent. The guy who wrote it speaks a lot of sense and I'd thoroughly recommend it. It helped me a lot during the toughest times.

titferbrains Sun 26-Jul-09 13:08:37

thanks for this.

Am getting more and more depressed because her appetite doesn't seem to be changing, although her last chemo session was over a week ago, and I had believed things would be a bit better by now. I know it's very soon but I'm a bit desperate, clearly.

She is rejecting quite a lot of things now and I've lost patience entirely with trying lots of different things. So just now she rejected ella puree with extra rice and roasted pumpkin mixed in, and she last had some milk just before 10am. did not want ripe peach, a biscuit or orange pieces either. SO i've given up. As with every day, I'm now not sure whether to try again in 30 min, offer bottle, try agian in an hour (is 30 min too soon?), etc etc. Also am getting paranoid about amount of sweet stuff she is having, she is barely eating anything salty/savoury and I have a real instinct that if I let this carry on I will have even more bloody trouble later on.

Am feeling so low about all this, will spk to dietician this week but I think although both mine have been great, it's very difficult for them to understand the emotional side of feeding kids and how awful it is to be so fed up that you don't actually care about what they eat. DD is basically getting about one solid meal a day and a few nibbles of finger foods, so it is milk that is sustaining her.

Anyway am going into town for yet more retail therapy. have spent a small fortune in the past few weeks trying to make myself feel better by "achieving" some items on our to-do list. Today I'm going to replace wine and water glasses. How sad am i.

tweety2000 Fri 31-Jul-09 14:39:55


I feel your pain. I had problems with getting my DS to eat any solids to begin with and he did not take much at all untill after he was at least a year. Just not interested. I was concerned at first abiut it, but the following book i read "My Child Won't Eat!: How to Prevent & Solve the Problem (La Leche League International Book) (Paperback)
by Carlos Gonz alez (Author" reassured me and i breastfeed him for as long as he wanted without pressuring him into solids. I think that your baby may benefit from breastfeeding now more then from that tiny amount of solids that you will manage to stuff into her. If she does not want solids just let her breastfeed for as long as she wants. YOu eat well so your breastmilk will be better and if she takes breats and happy why not. YOu will bve calmer and she will be happier, that is what her immune system needs, instead of strees for both of you. I would recomemnd for you to read this book it is by peadiatrician, can get it from amazon. And btw mine DS is 24 month now and is not eating anywhere near what the weaning books suggest, and i can not force him.

tweety2000 Fri 31-Jul-09 14:50:45

I have no medical background, but as a mom that is my personal opinion only. i hope you both will get on well with food soon. Speak toyour health visiotor see what they suggest too. Keep posted how it goes.

JFly Fri 31-Jul-09 15:14:21

Getting on to solids is hard enough without issues of illness and low weight. I'm sure no one would throw "fun till one" at you in your circumstances.

I have no experience with the medical issues your DD has, but I think all most children go through some of what you describe in terms of refusing food and/or milk feeds. DS (16 months) went through varying stages of refusal. From the time I started weaning, I would make sure he was happy, rested and not "starving" when I gave him solids. If I saw a good opportunity to try something new, I took it no matter if it was "meal time" or not. I continued to do that for months and then finally had a vague meal schedule. There was no guarantee that he would eat all or any of what was given, but it was more likely if conditions were optimal. My one trick was to give him some milk (BF) just before food if he seemed really hungry. It took the edge off and allowed him to concentrate on eating/experiencing food.

Conditions are rarely optimal, though. If he was/is teething, all bets are off. He would go off his food and milk or only want milk. I was tearing my hair out because I'd get so many comments about how small he was. (He was actually average.)

He is very independent and wouldn't let me feed him at all. No spoon feeding, even ate yoghurt himself from about 7 months. I had to just let him do it himself, which meant I had to give up some control. I think I actually felt more relaxed when I just left it up to him.

I know you have real concerns about weight so I don't know if it's realistic to let your DD do it herself, but you may find it's one way to get her to eat a bit more. It's messy, takes forever and a lot ends up on the floor, but eventually it means she will be a confident (but not necessarily big) eater.

Long post, sorry, but also recommend "Child of Mine" by Ellyn Satter on feeding infants and pre-schoolers.

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