Please help me stop feeding my 1 year old son to sleep

[Sakura03]

My lb has now turned 1 and I only breastfeed him at night to get him to sleep and then unfortunately every time he wakes... I feed him to sleep on our bed and then transfer him to his cot but he normally wakes after an hour and we repeat (He's teething but miraculously he slept 4 hrs in his cot in one stretch last night for the first time for months). Once I'm in bed he comes to join me when he wakes and if I feel energised I keep putting him back in his cot but he wakes easily after midnight so often he stays in bed with me. I know... it's a really bad habit when I ideally want him to sleep in his cot.
We're in a small 1 bedroom flat and my partner has been on an air mattress in the lounge for months now, he is not sleeping well and I'd like him back in the bedroom. We cant all three share the bed as just not enough space to do it safely. Anyway I really want my boy to be able to fall asleep on his own and my thought is to start giving him a bottle tomorrow night and then put him in his cot and stay with him until he falls asleep. I have put it off for a long time because I fear that he is going to be extremely cross with me but I have made my mind up. I need to do this! But what do I do when he wakes in the night??? I would usually just offer boob as that way we'd both get some sleep but I can't keep doing that. My lb is using me as his dummy so a lot of it is just for comfort, he has never accepted a dummy and we've tried loads of different brands.
Has anyone done this? Any tips? It has to be me doing it as my partner is not available to do it. Tia x

[InfantaSybilla]

What worked for me when dd was 12/13 months was DP getting up with her every time she cried. It took two weeks but she eventually got the message. If I'd got up she wouldn't have gone to sleep until I fed her.

[Ooplesandbanoonoos]

I am no expert but maybe you will need to ride out a few nights of putting him back to bed each time with no interaction and only feed him once- based on a spaced out time from when he last ate maybe? Coulxld your DP do this instead of you?
Look into other ways to help a baby settle to sleep also.

Once you have cut the pattern of him coming into your bed then try and cut out the feed altogether maybe? Would changing to bottle not just move the problem?

Good luck.

[Sakura03]

InfantaSybilla and Ooplesandbanoonoos thank you for responding. My so is not around for bedtime due to work commitments... it's going to be so tough, you might be right that I then later will have an issue with the bottle but I just can't see other ways around it...

[ZsaZsaMc]

Hi Sakura03

This week I’ve started trying to stop feeding my DS to sleep (8 months) and doing it cold turkey hasn’t worked so am now tackling in stages.

Week 1 - feeding before settling. So I’m doinf the feed after the bath but before being put in sleeping bag / stories / lullabys. Rocking as necessary.

Week 2 - planning on just holding him after story in lap.

Week 3 - in cot, shush patting.

Week 4 - in cot, no shush patting but staying in room.

No idea if this will work but this is my strategy. I’ve managed to get DS do bed without feeding for the last 3 nights which is a massive step!

[Sakura03]

Hi ZsaZsaMc fantastic that you're getting him to sleep without the feed! How long did it take? How many times does he wake during the night? I'm almost scared of going ahead with my plan but I know that I have to do it. Please let me know how you get on x

[Uummokay]

I have just been through this. For the first week I started giving a bottle of expressed milk before bed. Then every wake up after that i offered water until the 5am wake up when I would offer a BF. The next week we swapped it to a bottle of cows milk and my partner doing the bedtime feed. He then went in at every other wake and offered water. Que the tatrums, tears and outrage. I would then BF the 5am wake. She settled down after about 6 nights of this routine and started to wake less throughout the night. On the 7th night I didn't BF at 5am but instead gave her a bottle of cows milk.


This was three weeks ago. She is now sleeping through at 14 months and I am no longer feeding her.

This was my plan so I am very happy it worked out. I can see it may be harder for you as you don't have your partner available to help with introducing the routine.

[Sakura03]

Hi Uummokay thank you so much for replying. That's kind of what I have in mind just not expressed milk as he does like formula just doesn't expect it at bedtime. I'm going to start tonight, he is very strong willed so no doubt it will be tough but if I get same results as you have achieved then it's worth it. Did you pick your daughter up or comforted her in her cot?

[Sakura03]

Gave ds a bottle instead of breastfeeding him before bedtime. I thought he wouldn't want it but he was happy to drink 4 oz. However getting him to fall asleep in his cot was a totally different story. He was extremely cross with me and got totally hysterical. I picked him up several time but it only seemed to make it worse. After 40 minutes he fell asleep but only slept for 50 minutes before he woke again... I think I have messed it up a bit because my dp thought it would be cruel if I completely stopped the night feeds (and I'm weak) so now I'm again feeding him on the bed... I don't know what to do

[ZsaZsaMc]

I also fed to sleep tonight (despite 3 good days of feeding and then settling off the boob) - it’s so hard!

Don’t be too disheartened though. He is going to protest because he is used to being fed to sleep and this is a big change! Personally I think you should definitely be comforting / picking him up so he knows you’re still there for him even if the boob isn’t.

However I don’t have experience of getting a baby to not feed to sleep (yet!!) but I just wanted to say you aren’t alone. I think it’s about trying new things and helping them learn the skills they need!

[Sakura03]

Thank you ZsaZsaMc last night was awful. As soon as he saw the bottle and we went into the bedroom he started screaming hysterically, eventually my dp popped his head in and told me to just bf him so I did... I'm so stressed about it as I feel it's all on me to get him to sleep in his cot and that I'm failing my ds😪

[ZsaZsaMc]

Does he normally take the bottle during the day? I think bfing is fine if you break link between feeding and sleeping.

So feed first and then try rocking / cuddling to sleep? It will probably take a while but some crying is fine and it easier if you know you fed them and they definitely are NOT hungry.

[Neighneigh]

Try reading this. I've had it open as a tab on my phone for months.... If I had the energy I'd carry it through, but it's so easy to just give in. But it is also true they're only little for a while and it does get better. drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

[Raspberry88]

Hello!! Can't really help either as I'm just starting to think about doing this but just wanted to join in saying that you're not alone. I have been co sleeping and feeding to sleep too and want to stop but am so nervous about making it more difficult to get DS back to sleep as he does go off so easily when I bf! Want to do something though as he's 13 months and still waking quite a lot and DH has been sleeping in the spare room as there just isn't enough room for all of us. We've set his room up with a toddler bed (he will not go anywhere near the cot) and am going to feed to sleep in that bed for a while to try to get him used to that and then see. I just hate the idea that it might get worse before it gets better as I'm so knackered as it is! And also DH is a bit like yours in that he really hates DS crying and would always choose to do whatever avoids that...even though that is me bf!!!

[User24689]

Can I join you all??

My DS is almost 13 months. He feeds to sleep for nap and bedtime and wakes 2-5 times a night and needs to be fed back to sleep each time. He does sleep in a cot in our room - he used to co sleep but I stopped that by just continually putting him back into the cot after each feed and he got used to it. In fact, he now wriggles after a feed to be put down in his cot.

My DS won't take a bottle or dummy and never has. He has started to sip cow's milk from a sippy cup but doesn't meaningfully drink it.

I've tried filling him up with food and s good night time feed then refusing feeds in the night and rocking instead but he just got hysterical. And I also have a 3 year old I really don't want him to wake up!

I'll be reading this thread with interest!!

[Uummokay]

How are you getting on @Sakura03 ? Has it got any easier? We still feed her to sleep with a bottle of cows milk but that's her done for the night. I honestly thought we would never get there.

Bf to sleep is so convienent and who wants to listen to their baby crying when you know you can easily comfort them with a feed. It is so hard and goes against all of our instincts.

I hope you are ok and making the progress you are aiming for.