I really need some help/support with a baby not eating.

[CupcakesRule]

Hi all, (sorry it's so long!)
I'm sat in carpark after ibbroke down in front of my baby and husband (and two other kids!). In the grand scheme of life I know things could and are worse for some but I think it's built up frustration and I've just lost it.

My son, DC3, is 13 months old. Out of all of my children I was so much more focussed for weaning and although had two good eating children I felt that I very quickly got into a rut of only offering what I knew they'd eat so I wanted to make sure I consistently gave him a varied diet. Then I started weaning him!! I was planning on a variety baby led and puréed food.

He was about 6 months. He refused all finger food. Would just wipe it onto the floor. Fine. So he was ok at purée food ate the initial single or two mixed veg or fruit. Once a thicker mashed food was offered things got a bit trickier and he was spit out a lump and then clamp his mouth shut and eat no more. He would still not eat finger food so I continued with purée but was conscious at 10 months he needed to get used to texture so frustrating tried to offer but more than not it was refused. I was cooking stuff for him seperately the other two so was feeling very fed up and felt I was just pouring food in the bin. He would eat porridge or weatabix so at that point he was only having one good meal. He has also never been a big milk drinker so would only be having half of his bottles too.
Finally at 11 months he started finger food which went well in that he would eat toast, sandwiches and basically anything dry!! Any fruit, vegetables or even cooked food like spag Bol he wouldn't touch let alone eat. He has never eaten any whole fruit. I have no idea why. I did think it was just odd to touch so I've tried messy play with various textures to hold but no help so far.

So by then I had nailed toast for breakfast or crumpets and he started to refuse porridge etc so that I'd hit and miss still now.

He will eat sandwiches, pizza, pastry - very high carb!!! So lunch is kind of sorted although no fruit, cucumber, even grapes!! etc etc

He will still not eat any cooked food - I've tried just meat and veg which my older two prefer, I've tried pureeing still and all refused. He has never had a whole vegetable (I.e not puréed).

I'm beyond frustrated and I'm so tired of it all. I've bought in pouches and jars on the hope that by not having slaved away cooking it would be less stressful for me so I'd chill out but I'm so tense.

I think the icing on the cake was he eats most things they offer at nursery!! Apparently "lapped" up his Thai curry last week (spoon fed) and even sent me pictures.
I've given him a spoon to try himself but no better.
I'm so worried he is going to get food issues as I get that tense I want to force it into his mouth.

We try and eat as a family and he certainly always "eats" with his siblings.

He still wakes for milk in the night starving.

He has milk at 7am, breakfast at 8/8.30, lunch at 12, milk at 2.30, dinner 4.30/5, bedtime milk 6.30. And then once at night.
He now mostly always finishes his milk.

We tried dropping his afternoon milk thinking he'd be starving and would eat but just made our nights even worse.

We try not to offer snacks. Particularly the afternoon.

Any help would be appreciated and I'm so sorry for the epic post! Oh and the HV said "well I have children who only eat crisps so it could be worse, just keep trying??!??"

It does feel good to get it out though

[Mellowmarsh]

I feel your pain. Some kids are just fussy eaters. My ds1 Eats bog all I wish I could tell you it would get better but he is 3.5 and still eats very little. He has just left all but one mouthful of his dinner of fried potato, fish finger and beans, despite asking for this. His 5 month old brother, by contrast, loves eating and has just demolished a bowl of sweet potato, a bowl of avocado and a half a bowl of peas, we have tried everything with ds1, even had a referral to a paediatric dietician who said we are doing everything right, and there is nothing more we can try, it is I mensely frustrating, upsetting, time consuming and wasteful, but there we go.
My advice is just to try not to get upset by it. Accept it and just keep offering foods. And look up the website infantandtoddlerforum.org That is the only site I have found with good advice, and that takes these issues seriously.

[CupcakesRule]

Thank you.
You are right, I need to just accept it, me being upset doesn't change anything!
I'm glad your baby is a good eater, at least we both only have one to deal with!!!

[Cherryskypie]

Is he healthy? Developing well? A reasonable weight for his length? It's not really odd to wake for a night feed at his age and it means he is asking for food (milk) when he's hungry. He's also eating totally different food at nursery so it doesn't seem like an issue over flavours or textures. It sounds like a situation has developed where meal times at home are very stressful and all the focus is on your DS and what goes into his mouth. I know the health visitor's comments didn't seem helpful but what they were saying is true. He's eating. It's not a major worry.

It will go against everything you feel but can you, at least in front of him, stop worrying about his food intake for a month? Put food you know he likes in front of him and then get up from the table, turn your back and do some washing up. Don't mention food, don't try to coax, just put it down and clear it away after an appropriate amount of time. Same for your DH. Encourage your other DC to focus on something else if they start mentioning his eating. After a couple of weeks you can go back to the table but ignore him and his eating. After a couple more weeks start putting a bit of whatever everyone else is having on the side with the things he likes. If he leaves it he leaves it.

[ayeokthen]

I get it, my boys are good eaters but a bit fussy, DD on the other hand panics me sometimes. She will literally go days where she won't eat anything apart from half a slice of toast or half an apple. I contacted the HV because I was worrying about her, her weight is normal although she's "petite" for her age. HV said it's completely normal and not to panic. I just put meals/snacks out as normal and don't make a fuss and she's slowly getting better. I understand your frustration completely, hopefully he'll grow out of it soon.

[CupcakesRule]

Thank you.
Cherry thank you that's really sound advice and I'll try that.
He is slim for his height but well within "normal".

[Cherryskypie]

I hope it helps. I know impossible to stop worrying.

[MumiTravels]

We went through a phase of this faddy business too. I posted on here also as I was getting fed up of picking up food off the floor.

I ignored him. Well not ignored him but didn't dish him up his own meal. We sat together and we shared a plate of whatever I had made. He was more interested because he thought it was mine not his even though he's never had babyfood and has always been offered the same as us

He was finding a plate of food overwhelming. We made sure to make all the mmmm yummy noises and the like. If he didn't eat it, he got offered toast or weetabix for supper then milk and bed.

I stopped all snacks all day. Especially anything sweet (raisins etc). DH had firm instructions and so did MIL. He's now back on food and enjoying it. He likes his tea at 4.30pm so we all eat together at 4.30pm, any later and he's overtired and can't be bothered. It works for us.

Tonight I nearly fell over when he ate eggy bread. He would never normally go near anything eggy. He had lots of praise and had something alongside that he really enjoys (baked beans) so it wasn't all completely new food.

I think stopping stressing was the main factor for me. I was getting so frustrated and he knew it. He eats better as part of a group too. If we go out for a meal he's a nightmare as thinks its okay to try some of everyone's now, I'll cross that bridge eventually haha.

If he's a happy healthy baby then I wouldn't worry. Just let him explore it.

[Katiegill2000]

I'm so sorry to hear about your feeding problems - I totally understand your pain! My daughter, who is now 3.5 years old, was a complete nightmare weaning. I started at 6 months old but she had no interest in food at all - I tried feeding her purees but after the fist bite she would clamp her mouth shut and not let any more in. I tried baby led weaning with her but the food just ended up on the floor and no where near her mouth. After a couple of months she let me feed her the super smooth Ella's kitchen apple purees but thats it. I was so frustrated and worried - I called the hv, took her to the doctors etc but no one could help (the doctor said - don't worry, I have 5 year olds that only eat pureed food - not comforting at all!!)

When she started nursery at a year old, she was basically just having milk, no solids at all really. It was nursery that started improving things - they dropped her 11.00 milk feed and she actually started eating at nursery. It took a few months for her to then start eating at home though but she eventually did. When she did start eating, it was restricted to only a few foods - pasta with tomato sauce, weetabix and bread but she would eat more variety at nursery. Over the past few years she has gradually improved and the number of foods she eats has increased. She recently decided that she likes chicken, hummus, cucumber and carrots which was quite amazing!

I now have a 6 month old that I have started weaning but he isn't taking to food either so far, although early days!

Try not to stress out about it - if he is eating at nursery, then at least he is getting some good meals during his week. Also, you know that he is totally capable of eating! I would serve him a plate containing some food that he will definitely eat (even toast!), and then some of what the rest of the family are eating. Then try not to put any pressure on him eating - maybe just praise the other kids for eating their food (maybe give out stickers for being good eaters or something - kids love stickers!), and then just hope he eventually eats some of it!

Hope everything improves for you