Reluctant weaner, any advice or reassurance?

[misstweedyweedy]

Ds is 9 months now and is bf.

Refuses to be spoon fed, though will take yoghurt off a spoon as long as he can hold the spoon. Sometimes will open his mouth for me.

Finger foods he will nibble on but once he's had enough of one or two bits loses interest and cries to get out of the high chair. Today it was orange - nibbling on a corner but he disposed of it very precisely on the floor (through his legs and over the edge of the seat) and then no interest in anything else on the tray. Ready to go and play.

He will drink water from a sippy cup when he wants to. Dm has suggested I express milk and only allow him to drink it from the cup during the day so he can no longer rely on bf. I wanted to see if anyone has any advice or reassurance before embarking on the whole expressing thing. I suspect he will not take lightly to being refused boob, and I suppose I'm not entirely comfortable with it as a plan anyway. But will do it if it's necessary now and likely to encourage his eating (rather than make us both miserable!)
Any other suggestions welcome!

His weight was fine at 8 months, still on his line so no problems there. He has plenty of chub on him.

I have been told repeatedly that food is for fun until one, but I don't know what will happen if he is not eating adequate amounts by 12 months. This worries me especially as he is over 9 months and nowhere near three meals a day as the information I was given suggested.

[Scotmum83]

Babies still get most of their nutrition from breast milk or formula until they are one. I was told to still bf on demand at 9 months, I did baby led weaning from 6 months and carried on breastfeeding until 18 months. She slowly dropped feeds and took more solids, at 9 months she was still breastfeeding a lot but by one she was eating loads. Try and be patient and maybe try more finger foods if that's working better than purées. I thought my lg was hardly eating anything but you can soon see from their nappies that they are eating loads! They do play around a lot in the beginning but they get the hang of it quite quickly,

[Rinceoir]

I had a very reluctant weaned. I cried many many tears over my DDs refusal to eat!

Like you she was a spoon refuser. She seemed ready to wean- was sitting independently at 5 months, grabbing at food etc but had little interest in eating. She would happily have water from a sippy cup but not milk (of any description) and refused a bottle. When I went back to work full time at 10 months she was essentially still exclusively breast fed (hence the tears!). She wouldn't even have yoghurt (despite everyone telling me that all babies love it).

Slowly slowly she started eating tiny amounts at nursery at around 11 months but nothing at home. By 16 months I considered it a victory if she ate any food at home (chocolate, biscuits etc included- she was not any more interested in junk than other food). Her weight dropped. We saw dietitians who helpfully suggested feeding her more food (which she wouldn't eat) and build up shakes (which she wouldn't drink).

Around last Christmas time (20months) it was like a switch flipped in her head and she suddenly started asking for food. She started eating about 2 meals most days, and then started having 3 meals and snacks.

She's now 2.5 and eats really well. Today she had French toast with rashers for breakfast, followed by some cheese, an orange for a snack, half a lamb chop with mashed potato and broccoli followed by an apple, some raisins, pasta with peas and ricotta for supper and a slice of malt loaf before bed. She finally stopped breastfeeding herself 2 months ago (something I thought would never happen!). Her weight has picked up from just above the 3rd to around the 25th centile and she's happy and healthy. Still won't touch milk or yoghurt. Seeing dietician again soon and hoping to be able to ditch the extra calories we hide in all her food (double cream and marscapone in potatoes, cheese added to savoury foods, malt loaf offered daily!).

She is a very extreme example, but looking back I wish I had worried less. She eats a very good, balanced diet now despite her reticence to eat initially. I wouldn't push your DS (I think DD probably picked up on my anxiety and that didn't help) and I wouldn't go cold turkey on bf in the day (I tried that- it just upset everyone, DD just didn't connect hunger with wanting anything other than breast milk from the source, she wouldn't even look at food if she was really hungry).

I know how hard it is seeing your child refuse food when every other baby seeks to happily eat everything offered so I just want to reassure you that you are not the only one!

[misstweedyweedy]

Ah thanks both. I realise they will go in their own time and I guess it's just a case of persisting without worrying too much (!). Just hard when other babies seem to be wolfing down three course dinners haha. And others are pressuring you to change your ways... My instinct is that stopping bf on demand isn't going to be a positive step, why would he think, I know let's eat this carrot as I haven't had boob in ages. He's just going to be upset. So I'll knock that idea on the head.

Rinceoir your dd sounds very familiar, thanks for the reassurance. I was kind of hoping to hear about a switch flipping and they suddenly 'find food', even if that's a while off yet. I'm glad for you she's gaining weight. He definitely can tell when I'm anxious, I tend to faff about in the kitchen while he's in his high chair so he's not pressured by my hovering, eat my food and leave him to it. (only a few feet away so can get to him quickly if he does choke.)

Thanks again.

[Rinceoir]

I'm sure he'll get there, probably much sooner than my DD did! It is very hard, she just wasn't interested in food and loved breastfeeding. She still has smallish portions and bad days but eats regularly and is more adventurous than many of my friends children. Her favourite food is tandoori prawns! I think my DH and I cried tears of joy the first time she asked for food!

You should probably read "my child won't eat" by Carlos gonzalez. It is fairly reassuring, and it does seem that breastfed children often come later to solids. I also suggest giving the tiniest portions you can imagine him eating, and letting him eat on the go- DD was more likely to nibble if it wasn't a distraction from crawling etc and when she was out in the buggy.

[cafcesque]

Hi I saw your post yesterday and it struck a cord with me!
just wanted to add that I was in exactly the same position as you. I tried everything - baby led, purees, pouches and the only thing DD would eat was yoghurt or the puree fruit for 4 month olds. My home cooking was clearly not up to scratch and most would end up on the floor. She was also EBF (which the HV said would make weaning easier - lies!).
Some days i felt totally hopeless despite all the "food for fun" and "you don't see teenagers eating fruit puree" comments from friends.
I also had to return to work and she wouldn't take a bottle.
However, been back at work now for 4 weeks and she is nearly 12 months old and suddenly she is starting to eat more. She now prefers to eat from the spoon when she previously refused it.
Don't get me wrong, she is not shovelling it in like a lot of the babies I know but compared to where we were its 100 times better.
I think the lack of milk in the day is probably helping so you could try and offer solids before milk? But its still their main source of nutrition so don't worry about it. It might just suddenly click.
good luck xx

[misstweedyweedy]

Great I've ordered the book, thanks for the suggestion.

Loving the tandoori prawns. Maybe he'd take to a biriani. Hmm.

[FruitCider]

My child was the same. Didn't eat any real quantities until 10 months old. Was also a spoon refuser!

[misstweedyweedy]

Interesting cafcesque, I did wonder if me not being there to bf would make any difference. Sadly no job to go to.

I'll admit to being a bit lax with always doing food before milk, which I was trying to do. Think I'll reinvigorate a routine of meals before milk and also have some bits for him when he's in the buggy / just relaxing which he can pick up at leisure.

It's so nice to hear from people in a similar situation and know there are other non eaters out there.

[FruitCider]

I always did milk before food until 1. Milk is main source of nutrition at this age.