Baby won't stop breastfeeding and I'm really upset

[mrshobbit1009]

I've been scouring the internet for some words of encouragement, but I can't quite find the right ones so I thought I'd post.

I want to stop breastfeeding. I have a 6 month old. I can only feed on one side because there is damage to my right breast.

I've been trying to stop since 4 months, that was always my goal. She won't take a bottle, I've tried every single type. She won't use a sippy cup. The closest we can get is a doidy cup, but still then it's very hard work and I can't get her to take more than a few sips.

I was supposed to be going on a hen weekend when she's 8 months. I really really wanted to go. I'm going back to work the week after so I will have to stop feeding in the day at least. But I want to stop completely.

She just cries and cries until I put her on the breast. Nothing works, pumping, warming it up, giving her baby juice or water... I even mixed it with strawberry yoghurt to make a smoothie. I let other people feed her, I leave the house, I've just done everything and now I'm absolutely desperate.

I was so looking forward to this break away, it meant everything to me, and I can't go and I'm totally crushed. I resent the baby and my husband because he can just come and go as he pleases and it's so unfair. I hate myself for breastfeeding to begin with because now I'm trapped.

I have this friend that's breastfed for 2 years and she doesn't work and everyone keeps saying she has the same problems as me... I'm panicking that I will be feeding for another 18 months just like her and I won't have any choice in the matter.

I'm not sure my mental health would survive that, I'm having counselling for PND and he says stopping feeding is huge for me and I need to prioritise it. I am! And there's zero progress. What am I going to do?

[12purpleapples]

You still have time to get this working before you go away. Is she eating any solids yet?

[PenelopePitstops]

Have you been consistently trying, eg making dh feed her every time for a few days.

[minniebear]

No advice-DD2 is currently attached permanently so I feel your pain. Just hugs-it's hard when you don't feel in control of your own body and personal space. And I totally get the resentment that builds up. Hopefully someone will come along with advice soon!

[mrshobbit1009]

She eats loads of solid food, finger food too. I try distracting her with yoghurt or something but still she eventually gets to a point where nothing else will do. Husband has been off all week to try and make some progress but yesterday she added a feed on in the daytime.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

At 6 months DS had only ever had BM and i'd given up on bottles. By 8 he was in nursery and I left him overnight and he had milk from a cup fine. Give her a month on foods, try and express a little if possible to get her started on cups and go out for a saturday leaving DH in charge.

She wont starve in that time if she is having some food and other drinks, and he has through advantage of not having BM to demand.

[mrshobbit1009]

Husband said I should try going out for the whole day. He works nights so there's very little opportunity for me to leave her at night. I just feel like when I try something else and it fails it's going to hurt more each time so I'm ready for giving up really.

[PenelopePitstops]

Your husband is right. You need to break the physical cycle somehow.

Very tough for you but long term will be worth it.

[MigGril]

Ok I'm not quit sure your councillor understands breastfeeding. And it's maybe fixating on it to much with your PhD or at least that's how it comes over in your post.

Your baby is six months and you say taking lots of solids so much easier for you to take a break now without worrying about milk. By 8 months you can easily leave baby all day even overnight with just food and water even if they don't take any milk I'm sure he'd be fine by that point of he's already taking lots of solids now. And going back to work won't be a problem either. I'd give up with a bottle just keep trying with a cup of does take a while for them to get it but your baby will with practice. Not just when they need milk or a drink but vice them it to play with so they get more use to it all the time.
Yes there will be a bit of mess to start with until they get the hang of it but that's to be expected.
This isn't just a problem for breastfed babies I've come across bottle fed babies who refuse the bottle from anyone but mum.

[VioletPansies]

My baby was like this - from
6 weeks I tried every bottle under the sun, did everything in your post. It was stressful and in the end I gave up. From six months I started going out for 4/5 hours and she would just eat and have a feed when I returned. She was absolutely fine. I was resigned to it continuing like this, but then one day, when she was about 9 months old, I left her with my sister and she just took a bottle, like it was the most natural thing in the world to her. The following day my husband offered her a bottle (with me in the room!) and again she just took it. From that point on she was absolutely fine.
Babies are funny little things, and they change so quickly. Sometimes having a break,and trying to step back from the emotion of the situation (easier said then done I know,but I think my resignation that she wouldn't take a bottle at least helped me to ease up a little!) is the most helpful thing you can do.
Good luck - I hope you get it sorted.

[MigGril]

Violet great post, kind of what I was trying to get accross in that I felt your councillor is not helping you by fixing on trying to get you to stop.

Baby's do change a lot and very quickly at this age you never know what they will do tomorrow.

[mrshobbit1009]

I think it's me fixating. I really really want to stop, more than anything. Husband has shouted at me now because I'm doing his head in being so upset about this extra feed she's had yesterday.

[mrshobbit1009]

I'm still really upset this morning. My neighbour has a baby 5 weeks older than mine and she's gone on holiday for a week just her and her husband and I just hate her. It's just so unfair. My toddler just asked husband why I have a grumpy face.

I did think of something else... the formula we use we've tried cartons and powdered of the same type, and the powdered stuff seems to smell stronger and she doesn't like it, but she liked the cartons. Has anyone else noticed a massive difference? I'm about to go stock up on cartons instead and try that.

Also, I've made myself feel slightly better because we've got a family holiday planned when the baby is 1 and we're hiring a campervan and I'm really looking forward to that, I'll definitely be going on that.

I just really built up this weekend away in my head as the reward at the end of all the suffering and I'm so sad it's not happening. I was due to go out Thursday to a thing as well but I've just found out I can't bring the baby so now I'm staying home on my own instead... it just feels like I'm trapped at home, where everyone else in the same situation is just swanning off with their husband whenever they like and I can't understand why it's so different for me.

I think I just need a bit of hope. The PND has taken it all away really.

Cartons and campervans... this is where I'm pinning my hope.

[12purpleapples]

Can you no still go out Tuesday? If she will take yoghurt then she will easily cope for an evening without getting dehydrated.

[mrshobbit1009]

No husband works nights and I haven't got anyone else to leave the kids with.

[MigGril]

So not going out is due to lack of baby sitter then? As it's often possible to leave a breastfed baby at this age for a few hours when they take food. Give them a good feed before you go out and then go epically as your not talking about a new born hear.

Your baby is six months and can easily wait for you to come back as long as you leave food for them to have when you aren't there. They won't expect milk from someone else.

Even if you where bottle feeding you mite have a baby who wouldn't take milk from someone else. I really have come across this, you need support for you stopping breastfeeding won't always change things the way you think. Fixatiing on it doesn't always help, the older your baby gets the longer you'll be able to leave her anyway. And if you concentrate on giving cos by the time your going on holiday shell be having cows milk in a cup and eating solid food.

I still don't see why the weekend away could be unachievable if she's doing well in should food now. A few days without much milk won't be a problem for her, it's not like it's weeks on end.

[mrshobbit1009]

No there's only my husband who would take the baby, his parents are older and have said they can only cope with one child at a time and there's no one else.

I thought you couldn't give cows milk until 12 months?

I think you're right, the reason I've ended up with PND is there's just no friends or family around me, I'm struggling with the feeding because I've got no one to leave her with so we're always together.

I have to leave her to go to work and we're hoping both our Mums will agree to one day a week each or it will be a childminder. Still, there's just no offer from anyone to take her just so I can get a break.

I'll report back to husband and hopefully work some time away from her somewhere.

[MigGril]

What about your local gym or leisure centre. Often they have a crèche you can leave them in for a couple of hours to do an excise class.

My friend used it with her youngest just to go for a coffee on her own in the cafe once a week. They often don't charge much.

[ExitStageLeft]

I really feel for you OP, as a previous poster mentioned, I had this problem even though my daughter was bottle fed. I just couldn't get her to feed from anyone else, it was stressful, not to mention extremely limiting...especially considering I had chosen not to breastfeeding because I knew my previous mental health issues wouldn't be able to cope with the limitations breastfeeding puts on you in the first few months.

I would certainly try just heading out for the day, you can stay local and and if your husband really panics he can call you to come back. Please still plan to go on your weekend away, she won't starve and it sounds as though your husband is prepared to manage. Sometimes you need to take a step back from the situation to be able to see things more clearly.

Good Luck!

[museumum]

My ds wouldn't take a bottle but I left him for 6/7hrs at a time when he was six months. He took water and yoghurt and cheese and actually loved porridge made with formula milk. He was fine. Breastfeeding doesn't need to be such a bind with an older child.

[oneangrydwarf]

I could almost have written this post a few months ago. Can totally relate to the feeling of being trapped in a situation of your own making and wishing I'd pushed bottles earlier, resenting husband's and other mums' apparent freedom. I wish I knew the solution, I finally snapped at 10.5 months and just stopped one day and didn't give in, as by that point my DC was huge, ate really well and I was confident didn't need the calories too much. But it was hard and stressful, she was stubborn and held out on drinking anything else properly for a while. So I'm not saying I recommend that, I don't think it would be advisable at 6 months, but please know that you are not the only one feeling like this and that it can be over in a few months at most if you want it to be. Hope things improve soon xx

[mrshobbit1009]

Thanks everyone for the help, the panic is subsiding now. We're going to try leaving her with husband in the middle of the day and he'll sleep before and after, hopefully that will work.

[mrshobbit1009]

Aaaah! I'm so excited about this I just had to let you know how we got on... I went out today for 4 hours around when I would have fed her and she took a cup feed from Daddy no problem. She screamed for boob as soon as she saw me, but then later took a cup feed from me too. We randomly tried a teeny plastic cup like you'd cup feed a newborn with and she loved it. Aaaah!!

[minniebear]

Yaaaay!! What a relief! Well done!!