14 mo booby fiend!!(14 Posts)
I'm wondering if some of you lovely people can help me as I'm feeling quite helpless re weaning.
My youngest is 14mo and is EBF, he also used to take bottles of EBM but suddenly stopped at 8 weeks and has never taken one since.
He is an absolute booby monster, much more so than my first baby and I have been ready to stop since he was 6 months old, he however has other ideas
He is a fantastic eater (of real food) after doing BLW so no worries in that department and he will also drink water from a bottle or soppy but this has not lessened his desire for breastmilk at all.
Basically as soon as he lays eyes on me its like he's possessed and he's not content with a quick BF and that's that. He wants me to sit there with both out (cries when they go away) so he can happily go between the 2. So I can't sit and play with him or read a book or God forbid have a cuddle which is a little bit sad. I find myself escaping to the kitchen to wash up just to escape the constant demands and it's making each feed a bit resentful I also can't go out as nobody else can settle him so apart from work I don't really get a break from the constant 'milking'
He doesn't have a dummy (sorry if I'm ranting) and he also used to sleep through from 2-16 weeks,
I regret feeling so smug then as now he's like a particularly bad newborn
We co sleep kind of by accident as its the only way I get any kind of sleep and he literally feeds 8-10 times a night.
Tonight was a particularlt bad night. It's 7am now and he's been awake since 3. He woke up looking for the boob and latched on, then to the other one, then back and forth for what felt like a long time. When I looked at the time again, 2.5 hours had passed of pretty aggressive feeding. My nipples were burning. I had to take him off and put a jumper on, cue an hour and a half of crying and he's now finally gone asleep in my arms.
I am booked in with a sleep consultant at the end of this month but it's very pricey and I can't really afford it but I booked it in desperation. I feel that weaning will solve most of the problem though if I can somehow do it.
Does anyone have any ideas? I've tried 'don't offer don't refuse' but that's not exactly applicable to us. I don't need to offer. I've tried cutting down day feeds (then he's worse at night) and shortening Feeds but he just gets very angry. I have also tried running aloe Vera on the nipples, not bothered at all!!
It's got to the point where I regret even starting and feel like I wouldn't even BF any more babies that came along because this has been too hard, which is sad.
Also, once he's weaned. Will he just forget? Or will he be forever upset every time he sees me? Will we ever be able to just sit and have a cuddle? Will he ever drink cows milk? Sorry for all the daft questions but my first baby was mix fed and self weaned at 6mo. Easy!
Thanks and sorry for the huge ranting post. Very tired
No advice I'm afraid but I feel your frustration so I'm bumping for you!
I also have a boob monster, 15 months now, but she won't eat any solids really, though she does mostly sleep through so I'm in a very different situation. I do feel your pain though, I have the odd night only halfway like you describe and it's really hard.
From what you've described, I think I'd be looking at stopping dead with the bf, especially as he is feeding on normal food well and drinking from cups etc. Yes it will be hard and he will protest but I think enough is enough. fwiw, I ebf my dd until she was 16 months old and she stopped overnight when I decided enough was enough! I don't mean to come across as harsh or callous but you have to think of you now and what you're describing sounds almost like a form of torture. I hope you get some other advice from posters but I just wanted to share my thoughts. Sounds like you've done great though
My 2nd child was exactly the same, and the only real solution was for me to go cold turkey, stopping completely.
Thank you for your replies. After another particularly bad night something clicked in my head and I decided to go cold turkey. I have plasters over my nipples, don't ask where I got that random idea from but when he's demanding the boob I have been showing him and all day he's not been too terrible (1 major temper tantrum earlier) at bed time he had to be walked in his pram outside as he doesn't know how else to sleep and it all seemed a bit too easy until 1am when all hell broke loose for 2 hours, wow!! I was so close to giving in and there were lots of tears from us both but he is asleep again now.
I'm glad you have both suggested the route I decided to take because I've been feeling very guilty all day that being an evil mummy and removing his only comfort and all Google throws up is DO NOT do cold turkey which is making me feel worse!
I'm almost 24 hours in now, I hope it gets easier.
He slept from 3-6 in his cot which is a long stretch for him and then we got up for an hour. He hasn't tried to get the boobies out this morning and actually just climbed on my lap for a cuddle and fell asleep. First ever cuddle I've had with no hidden agenda which is quite special. Finding it very hard emotionally though. As much as I very much wanted to stop, i still feel guilty putting a stop on his main love
You're doing great! Stick with it, I understand the permanent parental guilt but you aren't being unreasonable and the situation wasn't tolerable at all.
In the same way I feel really guilty that my first DD had all of my time as a stay at home mum, my unborn baby will have to go childminder/babysitter at 6 months because I can't afford to take a year off or stay at home.
There is always something to make you feel bad!
Keep posting your updates and enjoy the cuddles! Don't give in! X
Hello ladies, I just wanted to come back and update you all. Things are great, 4 days on and I have a different baby. I will write a quick summary of how it went below in the hope it may help someone else. As I mentioned up the post, I would try gentler methods first because I don't think going cold turkey is nice for mum or baby but it was necessary for us and I'm now confident I made the right decision.
Sunday night: about the 3rd bad night in a row. Day after i originally posed. Constant BF all day Sunday as we were at home. Fed him to sleep and every time I laid him down he would wake up. Bedtime taking up to 1.5 hours and very stresaful. Was awake and feeding aggressively from 1-3 and then not sleeping for any longer than 20 minutes at a time. He then fed again from about 4-5.30 at which point I was in so much pain I put a hoody on and decided that was to be the last feed. Not the way I wanted it to end but I had 30-40 minutes sleep and felt really low and horrible.
Monday morning: I went into the bathroom and stuck some plasters over my nipples. Don't ask me why, I just thought maybe if I can show him something physical, that they're not working, it may help? Managed to distract him from feeding most of the day, every time he came up and dragged at my top I showed him the plasters. Mostly he laughed and toddled off to do something else, but a couple of times he did get upset
Monday night: at a loss of how to get him to sleep without the booby (scared!) I decided that his dad should take him for a walk in the pram. He dropped off pretty easily and we thought 'that was too easy' I prepared myself for a bad night and went up to bed at around 11 and put him in the cot and he slept through til 1 which was a miracle in itself. When he woke up at 1, all hell broke loose. I couldnt calm him, my boobs were full and achy and it went against every instinct in my body to not just give in. I took him downstairs and offered some water/juice, a biscuit, danced around the living room, put music on, jigged him in the pram, cuddled him, sang, anything to just calm him. It was very upsetting and felt very guilty because he was clear baffled but I justbkept saying to myself, this will be good for our relationship and we both need sleep. He finally went back to sleep in my arms at 3 and stayed asleep until 6.30 - again a massive stretch for him and he woke up in a great mood.
Tuesday morning: for the first time ever, comes over gets on my lap, cuddles me and falls asleep on me with no booby. A first and a special moment. Decided to take him out for the day to distract him but he slept a lot this day. 2.5 hour nap and an hour nap. He seemed pretty content but I was miserable. Crying, emotional (I can compare it to the day 5 tears after having a baby) my mum came round and watched him while I had a bath and tried to hand express. Boobs were very sore and lumpy and I geberallt felt really low. Went and bought a hand pump and pumped 5oz to relieve my discomfort. He only tried to feed once or twice.
That night I decided we needed a new routine because I don't want him to have to be put to sleep in the pram every night especially as my partner works funny hours. I wasn't planning to wean and sleep train at the same time but decided to just go for it and use baby whisper pick-up-put-down which had worked a treat for my 5 year old as a baby and again when he was 2 and we moved house. So he had his bath, then a story and a biscuit in place of booby time. Offered warm milk but he didn't want it. Then took him to bed laid him down and gently said 'sleep time now' every time he stood up and cried, I laid him back down, patted his bum, shh'd him and eventually he just dropped off. I was stunned. He had not fallen asleep unaided in 10 months. He woke up again 2 hours later and did the same, it took 10 minutes. He woke up again 4 hours later and it took less than 2 minutes.
Wednesday: first day back to work after xmas and I wake up feeling like a new woman after actually getting some sleep. Baby is in very good spirits, more cuddles and kisses shared between us and I feel like our relationship has shifted. He didn't try and feed at all, he seems to have forgotten about it (shocked!) have been wearing high tops and not getting changed/bathed in front of him. Went to work and my mum reports he seems much more contented and is napping well. Kind of dreading bed time a bit but stuck to the same routine, took longer 35-40 minutes but much calmer with minimal whining. He only woke up once in the night and it took 10 mins to re-settle and then he went through til 6.30. Actually felt like I had an evening!!
Today: mum reports he has been a bit cranky with teething but he has not tried to nurse in 2 days. Boobs feel much softer with minimal soreness, only had to pump a little twice during the whole process and have been drinking 'no more milk tea' not sure if that's helped? Seems to be. Stuck to the same routine at bedtime but a bit later as I was late in from work, so he was a little more cranky but still settled a thousand times better than this time last week. Have never had to leave him to cry once and felt like I have showed him love and affection all the way through and not abandoned him or let someone else deal with him. He has been in bed for 3 hours now and not a peep!!
Thanks so much for your help and encouragment. It's been hard, physically and emotionally and there were points where I felt like I had ruined his little life but 4 days in and we're on the home run. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and he is happier and more content from getting a proper sleep!
Wow, that was a massive rant!!
Slept right through last night and is still soundo. God knows why I'm awake
Ah well done you must be feeling great! Hope the sleep continues
Way to go you! That's fantastic news and you've done brilliantly! Thank you for the update, you had been on my mind and I was wondering how things were going for you.
How lovely of you to also take the time to write down your experience for others.
so chuffed for you! x
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