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Paying for my unborn child

(50 Posts)
brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 13:38:48

Hello everybody this is my first post on here and I am hoping for a little bit of advice my partner has recently broken up with me and I am absolutely devastated she is now being very difficult about her pregnancy telling me I am no longer invited to any scans the babies birth or have any rights to any decisions regarding babies names welfare or anything I pretty much feel like I am just a walking cheque-book to her now she is not even three months pregnant and has already requested me to pay £50 each week from week 12 I have no problem with regards to paying for my child despite being told I will not be involved in anything apart from visits at her flat I just want to know what advice you people may have for me regarding the financial aspects for my baby like I say I am more than happy to pay for it but am I better just putting money in her bank each week and letting her do what she needs to do or am I best paying for certain things and keeping receipts I am only a taxi driver therefore I am self-employed and do you not have the best finances in the world but I will do whatever it takes for my baby to have what ever it needs I just don't want her to take advantage of me and I feel like she is already starting by throwing constant obstacles in my way I am absolutely devastated with the break up please offer me any advice from a broken hearted father to be

penisbeakerlaminateflooringetc Sat 30-Apr-16 13:42:11

I know this does not answer any of your questions, but what is the reason she left you?

She sounds very angry, did you do something wrong? If this is the case (I'm not saying it is), try making up for whatever happened so that she will want you to be part of the baby's life.

VimFuego101 Sat 30-Apr-16 13:45:12

I would suggest you get legal advice; it doesn't sound like she's going to make it easy for you to see your child. Do you know for sure she's actually pregnant?

You legally don't have to pay her child support until the baby is born (you can check the online calculator to see how much you should pay), although if you want to help her out with buying baby stuff that's up to you.

When the baby is born visits at her flat probably make most sense, especially if breastfeeding, but longer term, if you have a legal agreement in place, you can work towards having the baby overnight. If you want to have parental responsibility you need to be present when the birth is registered, or else you will need to go to court to get it which will be costly. I would let the dust settle for a bit, then discuss all of these things with her before the baby is born.

Goingtobeawesome Sat 30-Apr-16 13:47:11

What does she want the £50 a week for?

dementedpixie Sat 30-Apr-16 13:49:45

What does she want the money for? You are not obliged to pay her anything especially if there is no child yet. What caused the break up?

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:01:40

She basically broken up with me now saying she doesn't love me
She's the love of my life despite putting me through a lot ive stood by her and her other child who I adore and basically it's been taken away from me
If I don't agree with something she sees it as me trying to be controlling and it just causes problems
She's wants £50 a week from week 12 toward baby stuff

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:09:31

She knows im a man of my word and I don't want to cause any more arguments or stress to her or the baby so im basically caught between a rock and a hard place
This is my first child and is something ive always dreamt of but not it feels like I'm nothing by being told im not invited to scans birth have a right to names (she's already decided on boys and is allowing daughter to name girl) cannot attend birth certificate ....but apart from that I can be part of the babies life on her terms ....not exactly the family I dreamt about 😢😢😢

Vixxfacee Sat 30-Apr-16 14:12:21

Contact a solicitor.

Do not give her the 50 pound but tell her that you will both go shopping together to buy baby things at an appropriate time. Of she doesn't want to go with you then you can speak about which items that you need and who will buy what.

I wouldn't be giving £50 a week over when she is being so unreasonable.

Sorry that you are going through this but you need to get legal advice.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Sat 30-Apr-16 14:12:37

it doesn't cost £1,400 (40-12 x£50) to get all the basics for a baby unless you have expensive tastes.

I would be in support of the £50 if it was to help keep a roof over the bump if you left your ex in the lurch re rent or mortgage though

Abbbinob Sat 30-Apr-16 14:14:30

I think you can get your name pit on birth certificate through court if she won't put you on. You want to do that otherwise you don't have any parental responsibility which means basically she doesn't have to give you time with baby legally.
as for the money, ask her what she needs for baby and offer to buy some of that stuff and after the baby is born then sort out regular payments

ImperialBlether Sat 30-Apr-16 14:15:33

I wonder if you're not allowed to the scan because the dates would show it's not your child. She's behaving really badly and I certainly wouldn't be giving her any money at the moment.

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:17:01

No I haven't finished its all her decision nothing I can say or do to convince her otherwise
She has a part time job other benefits from her 1st child
A very supportive family
So financially she's pretty much sound
I'll never be a Jeremy Kyle guest I'll pynmy way if we were together I'd be chipping in anyway
I just don't want to go down the csa route as I see how they treat her daughters dad even though he is a £&#k and deserves everything he gets

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:19:54

I'd like to think she's being her usual hasty self and might see sense at some point along the line
I just don't want to cause any stress
She's knows im a good person she struggles with knowing she has a loving person by her side which also causes issues as daft as that sounds
Im just heart broken because I know ive done nothing but stand by her
And obviously I don't want to be a single dad horrible life sometimes isn't it?

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:21:30

I went to a 7 week scan (booked private) im just gonna take her word for it as trust that is mine just cannot bare this 😥

AyeAmarok Sat 30-Apr-16 14:32:50

Are you both in the UK?

Don't pay the £50, there is nothing to pay for yet. I'd wait until the baby's born and make sure you're as involved then as possible, but it's unlikely you'll be able to have the baby overnight at first, so it will probably need to be at hers.

Are you sure there is nobody else?

Bambooshoots14 Sat 30-Apr-16 14:35:16

I'd say sounds like it might not be yours...

Definitely get legal advice

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:35:47

Yes in UK
I don't mind paying towards baby items before its born despite her being very difficult about me not being involved I ain't going to be a dick about it
She has assured me that the baby is mine guess I can only take her word on it but in fairness I do believe her

AyeAmarok Sat 30-Apr-16 14:52:20

That's OK, then you can buy stuff closer to the due date, it's far too early to be buying stuff now anyway. When you get closer to your DC being born then you can buy things.

Have you calculated what you should be paying in child maintenance? You should do that so you know.

You could even start to put that onto an account (in your own name) from now so you a) learn how to budget for it and live on that much less a month, and b) then you'll have a little pot of money to buy stuff for the baby out of when the time comes.

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 14:56:20

Erm....im only a poor cabbie peasant have my own home to pay for so don't have tons of cash on the hip but at end of the day I'll do whatever my child needs so in that respect money is no object it needs what it needs so long as I'm not being taken for a ride by her

Lucked Sat 30-Apr-16 15:03:12

It is a medical appointment for her so she does have the right to decides who is there, similar with the birth, I would try to say calm and let her know you would love to be there or close at the hospital so you can see the baby right away. Hopefully she will change her mind.

If she is really short of money you could give some money for vitamins and a few items of maternity clothes. Prams and cots can be expensive but if you are to contribute then you should agree a budget first, you may also want those at your house too. The other worry is she takes the £50 p.w and then later demands money for specific items.

How much child support will she be due when baby is here ?

RandomMess Sat 30-Apr-16 15:11:03

Work out what you would have to pay using the CMS calculation and give your ex that amount as a minimum each week from around 35 weeks. This gives her some money towards buying the stuff she wants and allows her to budget etc for once the baby is born.

I suggest you devise the figure you are going to pay and let her know how much and from what date. I'd also let her now that you will go to court to get parental responsibility and would prefer that she should accepted to let you go with her to have your name but on the birth certificate rather than the stress of taking it court.

You do need some boundaries in place otherwise she may just keep demanding her wants and threatening you etc.

brokenhearteddad Sat 30-Apr-16 15:56:53

this is tearing me up 😢😢😢😢😢

sulalovesbing Sat 30-Apr-16 16:21:00

Women like this make my blood boil. Totally selfish keeping a good father away from their child.

sulalovesbing Sat 30-Apr-16 16:25:29

Sounds like she might have had a plan.. Not naming you on the birth certificate means she can get benefit really easily and also make all decisions about baby in the future re: holiday, schooling etc without you because in the eyes of the law you won't exist as baby's father. She's a piece of work.

sulalovesbing Sat 30-Apr-16 16:29:44

Or get a dna test after the birth.

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