Every second Christmas for my entire life (I'm 23) my family and I have spent Christmas with my uncle (mother's brother) and his family. I love my cousins but my aunt is a different kettle of fish. She was always a snob and my family didn't like her, but accepted her as the wife my uncle had obviously chosen.
She has often put us up in her house during festive events but I have never bonded with this woman. She used to stare at me throughout every mealtime (her own daughter had eating problems) & never really spoke to me. She has also often attacked my grandmother. The truth is I never really wanted to go, but as the child had no choice but to go along with it. She barely visited us in the meantime, there is nothing wrong with where we live, but as I say she is a snob and often picked holes with the set up.
Now, despite this everyone has got on quite well. But since my grandparents got sick (my grandfather died two years ago) the relationship between my mother and her brother has deteriorated. He refuses to accept his share of caring for his mother and my own mother does nearly everything. She recently got signed off work & is close to having a complete meltdown. My grandmother (her mother) has dementia and the condition is worsening.
Recently, we visited these relatives for a party. Once there my mother & I were told we'd be sharing a bed because space was tight - my mother is a terrible snorer and I got between 3 - 4 hours sleep. We got up for breakfast around 11 & my aunt disappeared out of the house without communication with us around the time we were due to leave to catch a train. Furthermore, she did not speak to us throughout the party or introduce us to her friends/other guests (we did ourselves of course). This aunt has now taken it upon herself to write my stressed mother a letter. She expressed anger for us not saying goodbye, demanded "respect" and asked my mother why she "thinks it is okay" to get up late. My mother is a carer - she's exhausted!!
I myself wrote a letter for my uncle begging for help with his mother for my own mother's sake. This aunt has a sickly mother too - but they are rolling in cash and therefore she pays other people to look after her.
My mother is agonising over what to do in response and I no longer have time for any of them. But I just want to do right by my gran. You know the quote "Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated"? That's how I feel here.
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Is it reasonable to not want further contact with these family members?
7 replies
KatDubs261 · 21/11/2015 15:53
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