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Please read...can you help?

(15 Posts)
turtle23 Sat 30-May-09 11:10:25

I am posting this on behalf of a fellow doula who is searching for a very special toy for a very special boy...
She says"My good friend lost her husband here a few weeks ago, very suddenly, he was 41 and suffered a massive heart attack. They are English and have 2 children, Thomas aged 3 and Anna aged 1. Thomas decided to put his ducky in with Daddy, before they closed his coffin ( I know, sorry for those of you in tears.......), and it was then sealed and Daddy is now in heaven. Unfortunately as you can imagine how difficult this is for her, the children and all of us around to try and help and support her. Thomas has started to cry for Daddy and Ducky and whilst we can't bring Daddy back, we could try and find another ducky, except the White Company dont sell him anymore. If anyone knows anyone who has a WC ducky who isnt really loved and is just gathering dust as we know toys sometimes do, please could you let me know. I will gladly pay for the ducky and postage to try and cheer my little friend Thomas up. This is a really fine line between trying to perhaps teach Thomas that what is gone is gone, and I hope we wouldnt confuse him if a new Ducky came back, because we can't bring Daddy back, but my friend has asked me if I know anyone who has one as she feels it is the right thing to do... If you can help, please let me know."

belgo Sat 30-May-09 11:20:47

How very sad. Hope someone can find another duck. Have you contacted the white Company itself to see if they have any end of stock?

turtle23 Sat 30-May-09 18:09:28


turtle23 Sat 30-May-09 18:19:49

photo of duck on my profile

MaggieBee Sat 30-May-09 18:19:51

if you magically reproduced Ducky, the child would think that daddy could be magically reproduced in the same way.

I wouldn't do it if I were you. It's very difficult for a 3 yr old to understand the finality of death without playing such a TEASING trick like this.

I think you have to encourage him to go to the shop and choose and buy a new toy that he has chosen. He has to understand that it's a different one, and not come back to life.

turtle23 Sat 30-May-09 18:24:59

This isn't my choice, it is the choice of his mother. I just said that I would ask. He is fully aware that daddy wont come back, it isn't really my place to say anything.

NationalFlight Sat 30-May-09 18:45:35

I wish I could help. Maybe she is thinking about pretending Daddy sent it back to him, to prove Daddy is Ok? Or something/

Belgo suggested something, Turtle, did you see?

NationalFlight Sat 30-May-09 18:46:40

I'm also wonderign why it is relevant that they are English? Seems a strange thing to say.

MaggieBee Sat 30-May-09 18:47:50

I doubt that at 3 he is 'fully aware that daddy isn#t coming back'. I hear you, it's not your son. But it's not a great idea. Good luck to you helping them through a tough time.

MummyDoIt Sat 30-May-09 19:03:45

He's only three and doesn't understand death properly. My DH died in August last year and my then four year old seemed to accept it at first but has since asked when Daddy is coming back. I really think a new Ducky would confuse him and raise his hopes. I understand your friend's pain, though. There is nothing worse than trying to console a grieving child.

turtle23 Sat 30-May-09 20:41:12

The English bit doesn't make sense without the rest of the email I quoted...sorry. The woman trying to help is in France. I just cut out the non-relevant bits.

beckymckay Sat 30-May-09 22:35:14

I think it would be helpful for the little one to have his ducky back, especially if it's his comforter.

It's a hard thing to check for on ebay, just had a quick look, but being that the company is 'white' you get all the white coloured ducks come up too.

Really hope he gets his ducky xxx

turtle23 Mon 01-Jun-09 07:05:15


Thrifty Mon 01-Jun-09 07:21:14

what a sad story. I'm sorry i can't help. However i second belgo's idea of contacting white company.
Bumping for you too. Hope you find one.

vicky275 Mon 01-Jun-09 07:31:12

I feel really sorry for the family but do feel that by bring ducky back it will send mixed messages to the little boy
in my mind i can hear the questions which can only make things harder for you friend " if ducky come back why cant daddy " kids dont see things in black and white and you have to be really careful not to give them hope where there is none

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