AIBU Paying for Christmas Dinner

(461 Posts)
729927luc Sat 20-Nov-21 21:02:26

I'll try to keep this short but it's niggling me and I'd love some impartial opinions. BIL/SIL hosting Xmas Dinner this year. I've hosted before. Basically, they are charging us per family for dinner. I've never charged them before but apparently because they've got a lot of people going this year they have decided to charge. Then in the next breath saying how many bottles of champagne they are planning to buy but will be splitting the cost evenly between us all. They know I won't be able to drink as its just assumed by everyone I'll do all the driving. I don't want to seem tight but charging for Christmas Dinner for me just feels 😫 I would of course have taken things round or would have been perfectly happy if they'd ask me to bring a certain course etc. Husband says he is on their side as they are doing all the hard work. Granted, but I've never charged them and would never dream of! AIBU? TBH it's really put me off going but of course I will to keep the peace!

OP’s posts: |
Shedmistress Sat 20-Nov-21 21:03:46

I'd be staying at home.

GaiusHelenMohiam Sat 20-Nov-21 21:04:35

Tell them you’re having a nice Christmas Day at home and that they can fuck off

RoomOfRequirement Sat 20-Nov-21 21:04:49

I'd be invoicing them for all the years you paid for them and then say 'or we can just call it even?'

CFs.

Wheelerdeeler Sat 20-Nov-21 21:05:10

I do not understand this mentality. Id stay at home. You do not charge people for dinner in your own home no matter day of year it is

bert3400 Sat 20-Nov-21 21:05:14

I think that's really cheeky especially if you have hosted previously. How much are they planning on charging every family and are you contributing to champagne you can't drink as you will be driving?

Winterfellismyhome Sat 20-Nov-21 21:05:24

YANBU. So cheeky. How much are they charging?

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JurgensCakeBaby Sat 20-Nov-21 21:05:34

The only people I've ever split the cost of Christmas dinner with was uni housemates and we'd do a pre holidays Christmas dinner. The whole point in taking turns hosting is that the burden, both financial and workload, is shared year to year. I think bring a bottle is perfectly reasonable.

BorisTheBellendPM Sat 20-Nov-21 21:05:57

I'd either not go or next year I'd be charging just them when you host. I'd definitely point out to them that you've never charged them and aren't happy about it.

PoppyMonth Sat 20-Nov-21 21:06:21

Who charges guests? That is unbelieveable.

I'd be electing not to go.

ITakeCharge Sat 20-Nov-21 21:07:09

I actually wouldn't go in this situation but I am getting grumpier as I get older! If you have hosted them repeatedly without asking for or being offered any money, then no, it's not on for them to charge you. I would stay at home on my own and have a Pot Noodle before I would go along with this! Being asked to bring a pudding or cheese board etc and some drinks is fine of course but that doesn't seem to be what is happening here.

DroopyClematis Sat 20-Nov-21 21:08:23

Don't go.

Say you want a Christmas at home this year.

BluebellCockleshell123 Sat 20-Nov-21 21:08:24

Very cheeky. Especially if you have hosted before and incurred the costs & the hassle! We always split the courses…the host does the main & the guests bring starters and puddings. Everyone brings booze.

729927luc Sat 20-Nov-21 21:08:47

I would so happily stay at home but it will just cause upset with my husband and my little boy will enjoy going there and being with his cousins. But I'd just never dream of charging people. I find the whole thing just so awkward and embarrassing! What will they do, send an invoice through on Christmas Eve? How blooming festive!

OP’s posts: |
ShowMeTheSugar Sat 20-Nov-21 21:08:51

Why is it assumed you'll be doing the driving? If they want to charge for food, fine up to them. Id be more inclined just to ask others to make/bring a dish but each to their own.

Footing a champagne bill though when you are the designated driver? Absolutely not.

Larryyourwaiter Sat 20-Nov-21 21:08:55

I don’t have any advice but we were charged last time we went to BIL/SILs. We were basically told we had to go by BIL and SIL took a fit and said we had to pay.
She then said we had to also bring homemade starter and dessert (we didn’t, it’s a bloody 5 hour drive) but we did bring some extra things. On the day she served up a TINY Christmas dinner (no extras), hardly anything to drink, she then hosted her family on Boxing Day with all the massive amount of leftover food and extras (then posted it on Facebook like the total peasant she is).
I wouldn’t go again if you paid me.

AwkwardPaws27 Sat 20-Nov-21 21:09:07

I think as a host you could ask people to bring something (a dish, a bottle or a dessert to share) to help spread the load a bit.
Charging seems wrong.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule Sat 20-Nov-21 21:09:10

I’d be staying at home.

Bunce1 Sat 20-Nov-21 21:09:53

Stay home.

Drink champagne all day long and huff your car keys into the garden!

SinoohXaenaHide Sat 20-Nov-21 21:10:11

Message the group and say "Totally understand about charging as hosting the whole lot can indeed be ruinously expensive. However as we have hosted you without charging for (insert number) years I am sure you'll agree that we get to opt out of the charging kitty for at least the next (half that number) of times you host. Then we can call it even and we'll host again with the new charging agreement to share costs.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse Sat 20-Nov-21 21:10:26

Hell no, I wouldn’t go. I’d rather stay home cook and drink whatever I had chosen to buy and have chilled Christmas.

Blanketpolicy Sat 20-Nov-21 21:11:10

Fair enough to ask people to contribute by bringing dishes/desserts, or wine etc. I would feel uncomfortable being asked for cash too, especially if it was paying for champagne which I wouldnt drink. I wouldnt like to see this becoming the norm like modern weddings where it is all about the extreme extravagance and than the social aspects.

If they have asked everyone not sure what you can do about it other than decline the invite.

Toloveandtowork Sat 20-Nov-21 21:11:16

I had this with some friends years ago. I put it down to them being antipodean. They can be tight like that.
It felt so wrong, and weird.
We paid, and it was nice. We invited them over a few weeks later. No charge of course. Haven't forgotten it. They are now back home.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule Sat 20-Nov-21 21:12:04

Ugh well I don’t know what i’d do in your shoes then...

I don’t mind chipping in a little if that’s the way it’s always done and it’s a reciprocal arrangement over the years. I don’t mind bringing a starter/side dish/pudding/cheeseboard to help out the host. But demands for money? So rude and obnoxious.

MeanMrMustardSeed Sat 20-Nov-21 21:12:06

I’d stay at home too, but you seem determined to go at all costs, so you’ll need to suck it up. Crazy.

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