You’re not really grown up until you have a child

(200 Posts)
Ifeelfineandifeelgood Mon 20-Sep-21 21:58:48

Jordan Paterson said this..thoughts?

Some of his comments/theories are controversial, but I find him fascinating to listen to and agree with lots of his talk on parenting,

It’s true that when I look back, it feels like I had no real responsibility, yes a full time job, long term relationship, dog, mortgage..but I was still pretty free and didn’t feel massively different to my teens/ I feel pretty ancient and very much a boring adult 🤣

OP’s posts: |
Hopdathelf Mon 20-Sep-21 22:00:38

Not universally true just because you and some guy I’ve never heard of think it.

jclm Mon 20-Sep-21 22:02:19

But what about those who never have children? Or procreate and shirk responsibility?

PeonyTime Mon 20-Sep-21 22:02:51


eurochick Mon 20-Sep-21 22:02:55

I don't agree with much of what he says but I think he has a point. It's about learning not to be selfish by having to put a more vulnerable being first. It won't be true for everyone but it will for many.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Mon 20-Sep-21 22:05:52

Personally I didn’t grow up until I had to force through a really difficult separation and then divorce from exh. It was the only thing that really matured me - not even having children and children being sick (as in hospital/ operation sick).

I don’t think you grow up until you go through something really difficult, but that’s going to be a different thing for different people.

Hardbackwriter Mon 20-Sep-21 22:06:02

So you think that:

Isaac Newton
Mother Teresa
Florence Nightingale
Joan of Arc
Lawrence of Arabia
Queen Elizabeth I

- none of those were grown-ups?


PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Sep-21 22:06:44

Utter bullshit.

SweatyYetti Mon 20-Sep-21 22:07:03

True for some but not all.

BlameItOnTheBlackStar Mon 20-Sep-21 22:07:29

Makes no sense whatsoever.

Annoyedanddissapointed Mon 20-Sep-21 22:08:01

People need to stop calling "having different priorities" "grown up".
They are different things.

Ginger1982 Mon 20-Sep-21 22:08:46

Come on, there are so many 'parents' out there who are so far from being 'grown up.'

Annoyedanddissapointed Mon 20-Sep-21 22:08:58

It's about learning not to be selfish

I live near school😂 The most selfish and dangerous driving is from parents. I guess most didn't get the memo

RiotAtTheRodeo Mon 20-Sep-21 22:09:16

He chats a lot of rubbish and dresses it up as deep and meaningful. He's as deep as a Hallmark greeting.

I know several people without kids who are responsible and serious and I can think of lots of parents who are flighty and self-centred.

Peterson's own daughter is certainly very interesting, to say the least. Lots of his fans think she's trying to kill him.

firstimemamma Mon 20-Sep-21 22:09:43

Before I had ds I had overcome years of horrific abuse and come out of the other side. I healed and recovered in psychotherapy. I lived independently and had a good job. I met my husband and we started our life together. Pretty sure I'd 'grown up' before I had ds.

PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Sep-21 22:09:44


I don't agree with much of what he says but I think he has a point. It's about learning not to be selfish by having to put a more vulnerable being first. It won't be true for everyone but it will for many.

Some of the most selfish people I know are parents.

Holskey Mon 20-Sep-21 22:10:13

Definition of "grown up"?

Mondaynightnamechange Mon 20-Sep-21 22:10:22

I think there’s many a man child who has children but does not act like a grown up.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 20-Sep-21 22:11:03

What is his point exactly? That it’s a good thing? A bad thing? Is he saying he wasn’t a serious or responsible person before having the good fortune to procreate?

MintyGreenDream Mon 20-Sep-21 22:11:39

Nah.Ds is 7 and I've only felt grown up since I learnt to drive 3 months ago.

Twixxed Mon 20-Sep-21 22:12:24

Bullshit. I think 'growing up' is a gradual process that happens regardless of whether you have children. Having children does, for most, dramatically change your life but I don't think it instantly transforms you into a proper 'grown up'.

CounsellorTroi Mon 20-Sep-21 22:12:56


EdgeOfTheSky Mon 20-Sep-21 22:13:42

Haven’t read the context, but really, how arrogant and patronising for a parent to say this of non-parents.

Some people have jobs which require pretty damn grown up responsibility. Some people demonstrate incredible selflessness and bravery in the service of others, irrespective of the parenthood status. Maturity happens as a result of many qualities and factors.

God, we parents do sound smug and self absorbed, sometimes.

It’s hardly a skill, to procreate.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon Mon 20-Sep-21 22:13:47


Everyone is different and it's unfair to suggest those who haven't had children haven't grown up

PurpleDaisies Mon 20-Sep-21 22:14:45

Obviously us barrens are too busy with our free time and holidays to bother growing up.

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