I’ve managed to thoroughly offend dh family

(224 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BillyJoe111 Fri 17-Sep-21 17:46:37

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my in laws taking my recent diagnosis of celiac disease very personally (they think i’m being fussy amongst other things).

Yesterday it was dh grandmothers birthday, shes in her 90s so I took my children round there after school for cake in the garden, with MIL, SIL and her children and FIL.

Dh had a meeting he couldn’t get out of so it was me, alone. I usually just avoid these situations but she’s old, every birthday could be her last, so I thought I would suck it up. NEVER AGAIN.

MIL sent dh a long email of my misdemeanours this afternoon. None of these things were mentioned to me yesterday.

1) I took some gluten free cake bits with me to share so I wouldn’t have to continually turn down food. This was very rude when I knew she was providing the food.

There were no GF options, I wouldn’t expect to be catered for. I took my own to share as I knew it would be frowned upon if I kept saying no to food. I also made a big deal out of how amazing her cakes looked and encouraged the children to eat some, as well as explaining again why I couldn’t eat it.

Apparently, this was very, very rude and I should have just stopped being fussy and ate the food on offer.

2) There was wine. I am going through another health issue at the moment and I’m on some really bloody strong pain medication. Drinking would be a very bad idea.

This was also very rude of me, even though I explained why I couldn’t drink alcohol.

I ruined the afternoon and brought the mood down by not having a glass of wine and eating the food on offer.

She went to great lengths to explain to dh that my fussiness with food is going to cause problems for the children, and how I should just keep my mouth shut and eat what’s on offer in future or not come.

Great! I’ll do that then.

Dh currently pissed off. Not replied, says he will call her in the morning to set her right.

OP’s posts: |
Shirleyphallus Fri 17-Sep-21 17:47:50

What a witch. Let your husband deal with it

Edinvillian Fri 17-Sep-21 17:49:12

I just wouldn't go back again, save offending anyone.

Fredoftheforest Fri 17-Sep-21 17:50:39

Righto then, you won’t be going. Obviously that means sometimes the children won’t be seeing her either. Her loss.

bonfireheart Fri 17-Sep-21 17:51:22

Agree with @Edinvillian

And putting aside medical issues, no one should have to drink wine if they don't want to - what an odd requirement.

Bagstolen Fri 17-Sep-21 17:51:28

Very frustrating. Do you have any GP friends who can educate her?!

CyclingIsNotOuting Fri 17-Sep-21 17:52:06

Don’t understand why you keep trying with them? They quite obviously don’t like you. Life’s too short to have to deal with this!

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bonfireheart Fri 17-Sep-21 17:52:30

Who sends their son an email?!

Am so pass-agg that I would send her an email back with a list of everything she does wrong...but probably best not to get into it and just cut her out of your life.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 17-Sep-21 17:52:58

Mad cow. Don’t go to stuff with her again. I didn’t see your previous thread but no one needs this shit. Not sure your DC will benefit much from being around someone who’s so totally disrespectful to their mum either, or who cares so little about her health and wellbeing.

I hope by setting her straight DH means he’ll tell her to wind her fucking neck in and apologise to you for being so appalling.

Notaroadrunner Fri 17-Sep-21 17:54:54

I hope your Dh fucks her out of it. How dare she. Incidentally, did you drive? Does she condone drink driving? I wouldn't set foot in her house again.

Fizzgigg Fri 17-Sep-21 17:55:11

bonfireheart

Agree with @Edinvillian

And putting aside medical issues, no one should have to drink wine if they don't want to - what an odd requirement.

Well yes. It's not compulsory to drink alcohol. No one needs a reason not to.

I do understand OP's frustration though that she has a medical reason for it to be a bad idea and MIL still won't accept it

Wellonlyifihaveto Fri 17-Sep-21 17:55:21

Christ what an utterly tedious woman she sounds, glad she’s gave u an out though! Who the hell emails about stuff like this?! grinbatshit

Echobelly Fri 17-Sep-21 17:55:50

Get your husband to send them links to information about coeliac and be firm with them that eating food that may contain gluten, or even where you can't be sure about the ingredients, can make you very ill and you are NOT 'fussy', you have a chronic illness that they need to accept and respect. How would they feel if they had medical needs and people called them 'fussy' and accused them of being rude.

It is a shame that a minority of people being faddy about food has convinced some people that there's no such thing as genuine medical food issues.

ParisNext Fri 17-Sep-21 17:55:52

I and my dd are Coeliacs- this is shocking. Lots of people think it’s an allergy/choice. Make sure your dh uses the phrase Autoimmune Disease is his reply - I find this useful. The only thing I wouldn’t have done is shared the GF food round in an older person catering situation like that…I feel your pain though I really do!

Aquamarine1029 Fri 17-Sep-21 17:56:47

Op, I remember your previous post very well, and you were advised by many, many of us to stay permanently away from these horrible, racist, toxic people, but yet you keep going back. At this point, you are the maker of your own misery. You know exactly who your in-laws are, you know perfectly well they will never change, but you keep subjecting yourself to them and their abuse. It's madness. Stop it already.

KimDeals Fri 17-Sep-21 17:56:51

bonfireheart

Who sends their son an email?!

Am so pass-agg that I would send her an email back with a list of everything she does wrong...but probably best not to get into it and just cut her out of your life.

Right?! Emailing her son, like his wife is his child, to be castigated? Christ almighty!

Driftingblue Fri 17-Sep-21 17:57:29

If they don’t want your visit, I wouldn’t send the kids either, even if your DH is available to take them. I’m wouldn’t want my kids going someplace their mother wasn’t welcome.

BillyJoe111 Fri 17-Sep-21 17:58:46

CyclingIsNotOuting

Don’t understand why you keep trying with them? They quite obviously don’t like you. Life’s too short to have to deal with this!

I know right.

I’m honestly not expecting his grandmother to be around much longer. I did it this one time so she could have a photo with my baby and the other two, for dh really.

I won’t bloody bother again.

I’ve don’t nothing to them, apart from being ill at the moment (and being half indian).

I’ve told dh never again, he’s just said sorry, and that he doesn’t expect me to do anything with them. To be fair to him, he was going to take the two eldest, booked to finish work early but then something that he couldn’t get out of came up. He wasn’t expecting me to take them at all.

I was just trying to be nice to an old lady, but sod them.

OP’s posts: |
Iputthetrampintrampoline Fri 17-Sep-21 18:04:09

Oh well done OP! You have managed to dump the lot of the miserable,uneducated moaning bastards without any of the hard work and planning, I would say this is a win in your favour! Just have done now with the lot of them and save yourself any more heartache,they clearly are not worth your time,

Topseyt Fri 17-Sep-21 18:05:57

Stop having contact with them.

BillyJoe111 Fri 17-Sep-21 18:07:09

Believe me, I’m done with them all now.

At least dh is angry and he’s firmly with me on this.

And after the first post about them, he did send them info. It went ignored.

OP’s posts: |
ButterflyAway Fri 17-Sep-21 18:07:51

I’m sorry they’re such vile people, you did nothing wrong flowers

Bambooshoot Fri 17-Sep-21 18:12:20

Well now you have the perfect out - next time a gathering is suggested you just say “Don’t want to be a dampener on the occasion like last time, sorry I can’t drink a toast to you! Wish you all the best”
. . . while I stay at home and have a great time without all that hassle.

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 17-Sep-21 18:15:32

She'll be seeing a lot less of you and the grandchildren then.

SukiPook Fri 17-Sep-21 18:16:51

It's your MIL who has been rude,not you, and she clearly has no idea how serious coeliac disease is...and also doesn't care enough to find out.

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