To think the beauty therapist crossed a line?

(118 Posts)
Birdy1991 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:05:40

I had a facial yesterday, paid for for my 30th birthday. It included massaging my shoulders, upper back and head.

The beauty therapist told me at the end I needed to relax more and that she could tell I was tense. She said if I kept being tense the whole time I was headed for a ‘breakdown’. She made no comments about my skin, or asked any other questions really.

I suffer with anxiety and do find it hard to switch off, I also have a one year old and have suffered birth trauma from my Labour. So maybe I felt triggered by her comments. Did she overstep the line by making these comments, or am I being over sensitive?

OP’s posts: |
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor Fri 17-Sep-21 10:07:42

Bit of both I think, try not to dwell on it.

Winemewhynot Fri 17-Sep-21 10:08:41

No it’s you being over sensitive and reading way too much into an off hand comment.

Muchmorethan Fri 17-Sep-21 10:23:29

Well... she was correct that you are tense so probably over sensitive.

I'd take it as advice to get a treatment regularly!

milcal Fri 17-Sep-21 10:29:02

It's hard to listen to but she will see lots of people and can read the signs. Don't let it get to you but try and change little things in your life to lessen the stress. Write them down. Whether it's getting more time to yourself...even an hour helps...or try some mindfulness...it really does help. Daily walks in the fresh air also help clear your head. Even a bath in the evening and read a book for 10minutes before bed helps.

Mantlemoose Fri 17-Sep-21 10:30:43

Perhaps consider listening to a stranger who was concerned enough to say this.

MrsRobbieHart Fri 17-Sep-21 10:32:47

She wasn’t wrong though, was she? You say yourself you have anxiety and birth trauma. If you don’t address that it just gets worse and eventually it overcomes you.

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Lavender24 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:34:05

Sorry OP but I think you're being oversensitive.

ThreeLittleDots Fri 17-Sep-21 10:35:03

A good therapist relaxes someone with their words and touch. Ordering someone to 'RELAX!' rarely has the desired effect. She was unprofessional.

Kuachui Fri 17-Sep-21 10:35:31

Sorry but I don't think what she said was wrong

DeathStare Fri 17-Sep-21 10:35:40

I don't think she was overstepping. If she'd have asked for details about why you were tense that would have been overstepping. I'm sure she meant it kindly and she was right.

Polkadots2021 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:37:20

Birdy1991

I had a facial yesterday, paid for for my 30th birthday. It included massaging my shoulders, upper back and head.

The beauty therapist told me at the end I needed to relax more and that she could tell I was tense. She said if I kept being tense the whole time I was headed for a ‘breakdown’. She made no comments about my skin, or asked any other questions really.

I suffer with anxiety and do find it hard to switch off, I also have a one year old and have suffered birth trauma from my Labour. So maybe I felt triggered by her comments. Did she overstep the line by making these comments, or am I being over sensitive?

It sounds like concern to me, and she might be right. There's only so much the human brain and body can take when it comes to chronic stress levels, anxiety, burnout, etc, before something gives. Relaxation, de stressing, anything that allows those stress hormones to go down so your body can recover.

ThreeLittleDots Fri 17-Sep-21 10:37:27

Oh I've just noticed she said it after the treatment. I still say YANBU as it's none of her business and made you feel shit.

Chachachawoo Fri 17-Sep-21 10:37:39

I don't think the term breakdown should be used so lightly.
Lots of people of people have had a terrible time since covid began.
I wouldn't use that therapist again. She didn't try to put you at ease that should be part of her service

CaribouCarafe Fri 17-Sep-21 10:39:30

I think she crossed a line. Causing someone to overthink about relaxing is hardly going to make them relax. The extent of her job role is to try and help you relax during the service, not to diagnosed you as heading towards a breakdown.

PaddleBoardingMomma Fri 17-Sep-21 10:42:03

Do we really live in a world now where a stranger showing a bit of concern and trying to be kind is "triggering" and worthy of being offended over?

Ridiculous.

MrsRobbieHart Fri 17-Sep-21 10:42:44

ThreeLittleDots

A good therapist relaxes someone with their words and touch. Ordering someone to 'RELAX!' rarely has the desired effect. She was unprofessional.

Did she order her to “RELAX!”?

idontlikealdi Fri 17-Sep-21 10:44:07

I think it's general chat and you're overthinking.

DaxtheDestroyer Fri 17-Sep-21 10:46:19

I had something similar a few years ago when I was absolutely on the edge and consumed with stress and anxiety. I went for a massage and the therapist afterwards was just kind to me and said she could feel how tense I was and I just broke down in floods of tears. I hadn't realised myself how close I was to breaking down and just that little bit of kindness and concern made me really realise I needed something to change.
So yanbu in finding it hard to deal with but I think she was just trying to help.

MitheringMytryl Fri 17-Sep-21 10:48:16

Maybe she says that to everyone because she wants them to book in for regular treatments.

Maybe she was being rude because she had a bad day or has no manners.

Maybe she actually meant it and is concerned for you.

It doesn't matter much. Try to put it out of your head.

Sittingonabench Fri 17-Sep-21 10:49:02

Rather than let her comment be a source of stress, try and reframe it - yes you are stressed for several reasons and you are trying to find things that will help you relax (like facials and massage). Right now these things may be out of your comfort zone but at least you’re trying. I don’t think it was the most considerate comment but equally I do think letting you know that the stress your holding is impacting your body/muscles is helpful information as it maybe raises its priority. Keep going OP.

sunshineandlollypops Fri 17-Sep-21 10:59:27

She's a beauty therapist and not a doctor. She has no medical training. Personally, I would just ignore the comment.

ManifestDestinee Fri 17-Sep-21 11:03:31

The beauty therapist seems to think they are an actual therapist. She should stick to the massage and leave the counselling to a professional.

Plumtree391 Fri 17-Sep-21 11:03:39

I don't know, it depends how she said it. Maybe 'breakdown' was too strong a word. However the facial muscles do tense up, I had a phase of that many years and could feel it. A beauty therapist would be able to feel it too whilst doing a facial massage.

You admit to being stressed; I think massage and general pampering could help you feel a lot better but of course that depends on what free time you have and if you can afford it.

YouokHun Fri 17-Sep-21 11:04:48

I think it is overstepping the mark actually. It’s not for her to predict a mental health crisis. She can comment generally on physical tension not being helpful and she would be right about that but no way should she be telling someone they are “heading for a breakdown”.

In my experience (I treat anxiety disorders) telling someone with anxiety that they’d better relax or there will be a catastrophic outcome is probably the least helpful and most pointless thing to say! I am sure she is a good massage therapist and has seen a lot of people and noticed things about physical tension and stress but I don’t think it’s helpful to make the sort of definite statement about what will happen to someone’s mental health when it isn’t true and she has no idea about someone’s life. She should stick to snippets of good advice about managing physical tension.

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