To say I can't afford this

(152 Posts)
Primark872 Sat 17-Apr-21 11:18:48

Last summer, I met a friend of my boyfriend's for the first time. The idea was to go for a couple of drinks, we ended up in 5 different pubs and a restaurant, I don't even drink, but the girl had bought me 1-2 lime and sodas so I felt like I had to buy her drinks.

So ended up buying her pints.

Same when we went for lunch with her a few weeks later. We just had to go to another café after that, then another one after that then for a cake.

I am the breadwinner so I end up paying for most stuff. I've just had to lend my boyfriend money too.

It's too much. Why do these people think people can afford to go to 4 different pubs?

We're supposed to meet another friend of his next week, I can just see myself ending up buying these rounds again, aibu to say no I cannot afford it and to just suggest a picnic?
I don't want to seem like a killjoy, as I said I don't drink and I don't really like spending my money in pubs. I do need to be more assertive though.

OP’s posts: |
Primark872 Sat 17-Apr-21 11:21:44

Lime and soda is about 50p in some places, even a diet coke is about half the price of a pint.

OP’s posts: |
KingdomScrolls Sat 17-Apr-21 11:22:34

The problem here is you're funding your boyfriend! Who I am assuming it's also drinking pints etc. It's quite easy as a non drinker who drinks a very cheap option such as soda to just say oh leave me out of the rounds, harder when he's drinking and you're paying. Maybe his friends don't realise you're subbing him. He's the one who can't afford to do what he wants to do. You can afford what you want.

Bagelsandbrie Sat 17-Apr-21 11:22:44

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. There’s no way I could afford to do that. Suggest you meet in a garden or park for a coffee instead!

JensonsAcolyte Sat 17-Apr-21 11:23:38

You’re the ‘breadwinner’ in a short relationship?

Mate, ovary up. You do not need to participate in rounds if you don’t want to. Just say you’ll get your own. I would die of embarrassment if I realised someone was in the rounds but only drinking soda. Who the fuck are these people?

BadlydoneHelen Sat 17-Apr-21 11:23:54

I wish lime and soda was 50p here! Paid £1.40 yesterday <misses point of thread>

Primark872 Sat 17-Apr-21 11:24:11

He does pay for some stuff but because I earn more ( I earn less than 20k a year though!) It's presumed that I should pay more , but I resent spending my money at pubs. I'm just going to have to be firm.
Apparently this friend has very 'rich parents' so going to 5 bars in a row isn't an issue.

OP’s posts: |
SchrodingersImmigrant Sat 17-Apr-21 11:24:56

Even though I can afford that I would certainly not be buying pints while deinking lime soda.
I would also not expect to be bought a pint.

Just say no. You don't need to explain why. "Sorry, I won't be joining in the next one, but it was great seeing you!"

devildeepbluesea Sat 17-Apr-21 11:25:47

YANBU to not want to go into rounds with drinkers and your sponger boyfriend.

YABU not to assert yourself. Also, you do come across as rather judgemental.

GillBungalow Sat 17-Apr-21 11:26:09

If I'm out (distant memory) and I'm not drinking, I just say I'm out of the rounds. I don't actually think the people I'm with would expect anything else though tbh.

Buy your own and let the rest of them do the rounds thing. Including your boyfriend.

Primark872 Sat 17-Apr-21 11:26:29

I'm not meaning to come across as judgemental, this is just what my bf said, that some of these friends are pretty rich.

OP’s posts: |
GillBungalow Sat 17-Apr-21 11:26:48

Going to five bars in a row isn't an issue for lots of people to be fair.

chocolatesaltyballs22 Sat 17-Apr-21 11:26:48

Primark872

He does pay for some stuff but because I earn more ( I earn less than 20k a year though!) It's presumed that I should pay more , but I resent spending my money at pubs. I'm just going to have to be firm.
Apparently this friend has very 'rich parents' so going to 5 bars in a row isn't an issue.


Why should you fund his life because you earn more though? Stop doing it - he's taking the piss.

WorraLiberty Sat 17-Apr-21 11:26:58

You said it yourself - you need to be more assertive.

Why do these people think people can afford to go to 4 different pubs?

Because many people can and if those who can't, just decide to go anyway, how will 'these people' know?

JorisBonson Sat 17-Apr-21 11:27:02

I don't have rich parents and enjoy a pub crawl as much as the next fat girl.

If you don't drink, don't get in on the rounds. Just tell them you'll fly solo. And stop funding your boyfriend.

CanofCant Sat 17-Apr-21 11:27:48

They are taking the piss. He can't really care about you while his is taking advantage of you and allowing others to do the same. Would you even be invited if they knew you wouldn't pay? Leave your purse at home next time and see how he reacts.

Or bin him and spend your money on yourself.

LIZS Sat 17-Apr-21 11:28:10

Why are you subbing your bf 's friends? If he wants to socialise he pays and you decline.

SchrodingersImmigrant Sat 17-Apr-21 11:28:47

GillBungalow

Going to five bars in a row isn't an issue for lots of people to be fair.

It's my night out as well🙈 a proper bar crawl. Financially worksout same like being in one.

But! The issue is doing the rounds when deinks are that unequal. I drink beer. While my pint is £4 I am not going to do rounds with someone who's cocktail is £9. Logically

MandUs Sat 17-Apr-21 11:29:01

He's using you. You have a boyfriend problem. Unless you are in a long-term relationship with shared kids there is no such thing as you being the "breadwinner". You are just a couple where the guy is taking the piss.

WorraLiberty Sat 17-Apr-21 11:29:10

Every post is blaming the friend.

How on earth is it her fault if you continue to socialise like this and choose to fund your boyfriend?

CanofCant Sat 17-Apr-21 11:29:25

Primark872

I'm not meaning to come across as judgemental, this is just what my bf said, that some of these friends are pretty rich.

Cross posted with the universe there!

These friends are probably rich because they aren't spending their own money.

VodselForDinner Sat 17-Apr-21 11:29:25

Your boyfriend is making a fool of you. Sounds like he’s giving his friend a jolly day out on your dime.

How long have you been together? Do you live together?

What else does he expect you to subsidise?

BonnieDundee Sat 17-Apr-21 11:29:48

Also, you do come across as rather judgemental.

I must have missed that bit confused

Primark872 Sat 17-Apr-21 11:30:47

I am not blaming the girl, it's just a bit annoying that she expected me to buy her pints and stuff but indeed I should have just said no and gone home so that's on me.

OP’s posts: |
Brefugee Sat 17-Apr-21 11:30:54

it's not really the number of pubs that's the problem, just the number of drinks. So just say at the beginning you don't want to get into rounds.

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