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To buy MIL/FIL house?

(313 Posts)
nalathecat Sun 28-Jun-20 14:16:30

So dh and I live in a nice house, 2 children. Dh has 1 brother (not married, grown up children) and 1 sister who lives abroad.

His parents are getting very elderly and need help. They are lonely and would like for us to be around. We are intending to move house anyway. Dh's parents would like us to move in with them, build an annexe and have the company and security of us being there, but still being able to stay in their house. Both need quite a bit of help, i do all the shopping already, we both do all the hospital appointments etc Other brother does none of the running around, but does visit once a week.

The plan is that we buy their house at market value, but they reduce the price by 1/3 in way of inheritance. We would then pay for the building work (even though we don't really need to extra space, but to make life easier for his parents) as would in time, should we sell, would benefit from the extension. The rest of the sale of the house we would pay to mil/fil and that would then be art of sil/bil inheritance when the times comes.

Anyhow, MIL/FIL very much want this to happen. Sil wants this to happen as she is out of the country and want them looked after. BIL thinks we are shafting him somewhere along the line and has kicked up an almighty fuss. He's said if we move in, he won't visit his parents again. My dh now feels responsible to the impact on his parents if bil never visited again (though i feel what they would gain would be so much more).

If we dont move in, we still wld be doing all the caring but it would be harder as we won't be so close. They would also like for the grand children to be around - basically they are so very lonely and this would give them the help and support they need and much needed company.

I feel like we are doing a good thing, we are willing to step up and look after them. The only thing we are getting is a 1/3 of the inheritance upfront to be able to buy out the bil/sil.

AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:18:44

Can you speak to him and ask him what his solution is?

Justmuddlingalong Sun 28-Jun-20 14:19:17

BIL either has to step up with helping care for them, or shut his yap.

purplecorkheart Sun 28-Jun-20 14:21:00

Honestly I would get house valued and buy it outright. None of these 1/3 inheritance up front. It can cause too many issues.

CuriousaboutSamphire Sun 28-Jun-20 14:21:08

Your BIL is suspicious by nature, it seems.

Your D needs to talk to him, ask him to make a solicitor appointment with any solicitor of his choice. They can then discuss the issues with that unbiased 3rd party and, hopefully, come to an agreement.

If he refuses then your ILs can choose to ignore his uninformed protestations and you can go ahead and make everyone else happier!

gobbynorthernbird Sun 28-Jun-20 14:21:16

Is there a plan as to what would happen if either/both need more care than you can give and they have to pay for care? (Either at home or residential).

ShadowMane Sun 28-Jun-20 14:23:13

Do you need the money to buy the house?

What will happen when they die and BIL/SIL would like their inheritance ?

CuriousaboutSamphire Sun 28-Jun-20 14:23:18

None of these 1/3 inheritance up front. It can cause too many issues. That too!

You will still achieve what you want, but nobody will get anything anywhen, he won't have anything to moan about.

ILs will have a home, support and company
You will have a house and a home
They can all wait for ILs to die for any inheritance!

Basically, just bloody do it! He can fuck off!

harriethoyle Sun 28-Jun-20 14:23:55

I don't think YABU at all but would just remind you to look at the rules on a) dissipating assets b) care costs if either of your PIL needed inpatient care. I think (but don't know) that if the house were in their names and is their residence the council can't touch it but they could touch a large lump sum in their bank account.

Waveysnail Sun 28-Jun-20 14:23:59

He does realise that if you dont buy and pil could be forced to sell to pay residential care if they need it. So there would be no inheritance

nalathecat Sun 28-Jun-20 14:24:07

CuriousaboutSamphire

Your BIL is suspicious by nature, it seems.

Your D needs to talk to him, ask him to make a solicitor appointment with any solicitor of his choice. They can then discuss the issues with that unbiased 3rd party and, hopefully, come to an agreement.

If he refuses then your ILs can choose to ignore his uninformed protestations and you can go ahead and make everyone else happier!

Dh is intending to do this - a zoom meeting with bil, sil and him. This has already been discussed with a solicitor, mil, sil and dh but not bil. BIL is not really financially independent, has never had a proper job etc and still relies on mil/fil supporting him.

OP’s posts: |
nalathecat Sun 28-Jun-20 14:25:20

Genuine question - if AIBU please could people say why? I'd like to hear another point of view that is unbiased.

To me it seems BIL is just worried about his inheritance money...

OP’s posts: |
nalathecat Sun 28-Jun-20 14:26:44

ShadowMane

Do you need the money to buy the house?

What will happen when they die and BIL/SIL would like their inheritance ?

Yes we would ned the 1/3 t buy the house and do the necessary building work.

OP’s posts: |
nalathecat Sun 28-Jun-20 14:28:00

purplecorkheart

Honestly I would get house valued and buy it outright. None of these 1/3 inheritance up front. It can cause too many issues.

Unfortunately we would need the price to be reduced by 1/3 to be able to buy the house.

OP’s posts: |
essexmum777 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:29:42

but potentially bil/sil inherit an amount smaller than they would have done, then again potentially it could all go on care fees.

gobbynorthernbird Sun 28-Jun-20 14:30:33

nalathecat

Genuine question - if AIBU please could people say why? I'd like to hear another point of view that is unbiased.

To me it seems BIL is just worried about his inheritance money...

He may well be. And that's fair enough, the money could well be spent if your PIL develop health or mobility issues which are beyond you and your DH being able to assist with.

nalathecat Sun 28-Jun-20 14:31:51

harriethoyle

I don't think YABU at all but would just remind you to look at the rules on a) dissipating assets b) care costs if either of your PIL needed inpatient care. I think (but don't know) that if the house were in their names and is their residence the council can't touch it but they could touch a large lump sum in their bank account.

After the sale (so house would be mine/dh name) they would have 2/3 from the house price plus about another 200K that they already have in the bank. Hopefully the 200k would be enough should we need outside care, so not eating into the house sale inheritance.

SIL is in same boat as BIL but her financial set up is very different.

OP’s posts: |
chocolatepudandchocolatesauce Sun 28-Jun-20 14:31:53

If you get your 1/3 now them bill should do too. By the time your mil and film die they may have substantially less money to give as inheritance. You will be providing free care whether you live with them or not so u can see why he may feel resentful. If you buy the house, buy it for market value. Give all the money to pil and then at their death share what is left equally. That's the only "fair" way with cold hard cash. On the weekly visits bil comes he can do the care for them.

OopsIDidItAgain07 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:31:57

Are you happy to provide 24 hour care though sound they need it? What happens if either of them end up with dementia, for example, need more care than you can provide and then are expected to contribute their savings towards full time residential care? If you can guarantee that won't need to happen then that's fine. Do consider what cover you need to put in place if you go away on holiday or need a break though - looking after elderly relatives full time is really hard work both physically and emotionally - and you'll need to find the money to cover the cost of that which isn't cheap! That could potentially wipe out any potential inheritance that's left over for the other siblings so you all need to bear that in mind. They could of course gift the money to the other two straight away but it may well be that within a certain time frame the government can demand it back to pay for their care should they need it. You would need to look into it to see what the law says about that.

On the other hand you will undoubtedly earn your 1/3 share that's for sure while the siblings won't have to do anything for theirs. That might appease your brother in law!

Susanna85 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:31:56

So the building work you are proposing to pay for.. will you recoup the cost of this in some way? If and when the house sells. How does that work.

It doesn't sound like you are being U but it does sound complicated and there are things that could go wrong. Ask a solicitor's advice before going further.

Also are you sure you really want all this care responsibility.

gobbynorthernbird Sun 28-Jun-20 14:32:38

I should add, if care does need paying for it will end up that your DH has had an inheritance, but the siblings get nothing. Which is different to them all getting nothing.

chocolatepudandchocolatesauce Sun 28-Jun-20 14:32:42

bil*

ineedaholidaynow Sun 28-Jun-20 14:33:31

What happens when they die?

What would happen if they need to go into a care home, as they have now disposed of their asset at a reduced price to you, could be seen as deprivation of assets.

CalmdownJanet Sun 28-Jun-20 14:33:32

If anything are ye not being shafted? You all get the same amount of money (1/3 each), you have to pay for an extension you don't need and take on all the caring. Wtf is wrong with the brother?
I think you need to point it out like that^ and then hand him a rota of the caring responsibilities he will need to take on, don't forget to only include your dh and your bil on it though, don't include yourself because they aren't your parents so why would you take on caring responsibilities for them hmm Then see which option your bill wants

Bargebill19 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:35:41

So you are buying the house at 2/3 Ed’s if the market rate. You mil and fil will get this as money in the bank given they aren’t buying another property.

But - and this does happen. Should with nil or fil require to go into a care or nursing home they will have to us this house profit to fund their care unless you have another way to pay. Or what happens if you divorce- what happens then? Or one of you dies then what happens to mil/fil? This potentially could leave you sil and bil with zero inheritance.
I suspect you will say you would never countenance the use of a care or nursing home - and fingers crossed you won’t, but sometimes life doesn’t work they way you want unless you are prepared to pay for 24/7 care and private nursing at home - not all conditions can be successfully cared for at home due to the nature of equipment and specialist skills required.
I suspect your bil is thinking you get a nice house and inheritance now - but potentially leave him without anything if it all goes wrong. Maybe you need to sit for with a contingency plan for if one of these things happens .... or persuade mil and fil to also give the other two their inheritance now?
Either way, I would take specialist advice as to where you all would stand if any of the above did happen, and to ensure that if you do this, there is no way the council could see it as deliberate deprivation of assets in order to avoid paying care fees should that arise in the future. A lot of planning now could save a lot of heart break later on.

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