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Don't think I like friend anymore

(29 Posts)
bogladite Sat 20-Jun-20 21:01:57

Please be gentle with me I'm not a judgemental person but I really need opinions.

My friend let's call her Jenny
We have been friends since we were 18 so a good 30 years plus.

Jenny has always been "well off" multiple businesses lovely brand new cars etc which is wonderful.
But she does not have anything to do with her father.

I got curios and asked why, she told me it was because 20 years ago her dad took on a baby (fostered then adopted)
The baby was the child of his second wives sister who sadly past away.
The baby was a new born and some complications shortly after birth she lost her life.

She had never met her step mums sister but got on fine with her step mum.
The baby was technically homes less and had nowhere else to go except SS.

She told me that because he took the baby in shortly before her own first DC was born she felt like it took the limelight off off her and she can't forgive him for that.

I feel really disgusted in her
Who would be so mean to a helpless child?

OP’s posts: |
LegallyBlue Sat 20-Jun-20 21:05:14

You don't really know what actually happened here. Perhaps he was a spiteful person who did this purely because he couldn't stand the limelight being on someone else? Maybe this child did have somewhere else that would have been more suitable? With these things it's very rarely one thing, it's often the straw that breaks the camels back. This has absolutely nothing to do with you anyway. You're making a lot of assumptions here and assuming the worst.

hardboiledeggs Sat 20-Jun-20 21:06:02

I couldn't be friends with someone like that sorry. Your right to dislike her now.

1ForAllnAllFor1 Sat 20-Jun-20 21:09:15

Family relations are complicated. You’d need to hear her out more before you judge

Redleathertrousers Sat 20-Jun-20 21:11:58

Her family relationships have got naff all to do with you. You sound like a gossipy teenager.

PurpleDaisies Sat 20-Jun-20 21:12:07

I agree that you don’t have thread full story.

lootsharks Sat 20-Jun-20 21:12:35

Maybe Jenny won't want to be friends with somebody who is so judgemental and who is also prepared to post another person's family issues on a popular social media forum.

MissMaple82 Sat 20-Jun-20 21:14:25

How is her being "well off" relevant to the story?

plunkplunkfizz Sat 20-Jun-20 21:16:42

I would privately think she’d told you a sanitised version of the story and butt out. Not many people’s fathers take on a baby for their second wife’s sister. Sound like he knocked up someone very young and had the baby dumped on him then gave it up.

Not sure what her businesses and financial status have to do with any of this? Are you perhaps a little jealous and looking for an excuse to slate her?

HonneyBea Sat 20-Jun-20 21:17:37

You've been friends with her 30years but just asked the question now?

Spied Sat 20-Jun-20 21:19:44

I don't understand why her being 'well off' is relevant to the story confused.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Sat 20-Jun-20 21:19:50

Weird, uneccessary details about her there OP..
I think she's probably best off without you as a mate if you're going to judge what must have been a difficult family situation.

atimetobealive Sat 20-Jun-20 21:24:04

I don’t think you have the full story OP.

It’s very hard to get a full understanding of family dynamics.

I’ll give you an example.....

About 10 years ago my friend went to the states to visit her brother who lived in New York. He is a good 12 years older than her. Anyway, she came home early from the holiday and was furious that he hadn’t taken her to see the sights and do touristy things with her.

My friends and I found it strange thy at she had taken such offence at this and we couldn’t really understand why that had caused such a rift. I think we all thought she had been a bit selfish because her brother had young kids and a job and wife etc over in the states.

Anyway, Fast forward to about 2/3 years ago and it came to light that while she had been in the states she had confronted her brother about him sexually abusing her as a teenager. We hadn’t known any of this. The confrontation was explosive. He denied it even though her parents had known it had happened and there was proof.

What I’m trying to say is that you rarely get the full story and sometimes it’s very painful for people to tell you the full story.

teaflake Sat 20-Jun-20 21:25:24

I feel really disgusted in her

I'm not a judgemental person

Really.

ATomeOfOnesOwn Sat 20-Jun-20 21:35:31

You are a judgemental person. Perhaps you should consider dealing with your own issues first.

sonjadog Sat 20-Jun-20 21:36:06

From what you wrote here, I would say there is a lot more to the story than what you have been told. Family relations are complicated and it is best leaving judgments to those who are involved in them.

DisobedientHamster Sat 20-Jun-20 21:42:38

Please be gentle with me I'm not a judgemental person but I really need opinions.

You've posted an outline of someone else's family situation in so much detail it's entirely possible to out her/be identified on a huge social media site to sneer at her (no idea what her being well off has to do with it)

I feel really disgusted in her
Who would be so mean to a helpless child?

Who would be so shallow as to post a detailed account of someone else's family affairs in order to feel better about themselves/morally superior? hmm

Instead of, you know, talking to her directly about it. Guess it's easier to try to get randoms to big you up by taking potshots at your friend whom we don't know and who's side isn't presented.

Do her a favour and let her go, with friends like you, who needs enemies?

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 20-Jun-20 21:43:37

The irony of saying you aren't a judgemental person, whilst making a judgement OP.

If you don't want to be friends with her, then don't, however I suspect there is a lot more to it and it was a very painful set of events for her that may run very deep. She is not obligated to explain that to you and may not even understand her feelings on the matter herself. Family separations and issues can be life altering events that some people struggle to come to terms with. Perhaps she is not comfortable delving into such things and giving further details simply because you are curious..

Many people have nothing to do with a parent, for a multitude of reasons, it is nobodies business but theirs. It's nothing to do with you. If you need to take a moral stance on something to make yourself feel better about your moral standards, there are plenty of things going on in the world you could easily join in with.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece Sat 20-Jun-20 21:57:03

*Jenny has always been "well off" multiple businesses lovely brand new cars etc which is wonderful.
But she does not have anything to do with her father* what does either of these have to do with each other Or why are they important confused

You realise how easily it would be to know who this person is

PicsInRed Sat 20-Jun-20 22:07:16

It could have been the straw which broke the camels back, after a lifetime of him competing with her and gradiosing for the neighbours.

Or there could be a different story. Or both.

She clearly hasn't given the full story.

lootsharks Sat 20-Jun-20 22:46:55

I hope the tabloids don't pick this up.

Prayerwheel Sat 20-Jun-20 22:50:12

If Jenny were skint, would her lack of relationship with her father be of such engrossing interest to you?

7alwje783 Sat 20-Jun-20 23:07:04

I don't understand what her finances have to do with it? It's like you started writing one story then changed it to another half way through.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 20-Jun-20 23:11:44

You’re extremely judgmental. And not that close a friend to only ask this after decades.

Bit much asking posters to be gentle when you rip someone with a complicated history to shreds on a very popular forum.

Are you going to ask for this to be deleted because you suddenly realise it’s too identifying?

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece Sat 20-Jun-20 23:12:56

lootsharks

I hope the tabloids don't pick this up.

Seriously. Think of this. How the fuck is your friend going to feel when this hits the daily mail?

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