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To think this dinner lady should be sacked?

(469 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Hadenough20 Tue 21-Jan-20 17:53:52

For calling my son a “pig in a wig”?
For background, her Daughter and my DS do not get along. She works in the school as a dinner lady. My DS is very feminine, has long hair he’s been bullied about it quite a lot including from her DD and got to the point where he doesn’t take it lying down anymore. He retaliates. I feel like it’s a homophobic insult because of the wig comment and the fact he has long hair.
Apparently there’s been some arguments going on between them lately which I was none the wiser about and yesterday he said the mum (dinner lady) had told him off in the playground because she thought he was laughing at her but He was laughing at something his friend was showing him on her phone. This was morning before school started so she wasn’t on shift or anything. I was annoyed but planned to speak to her to find out what happened.
Today he told me 3 of his friends told him they heard the mum call him above insult. Her DD was telling them not to tell him.
I’ve contacted her and she’s obviously denying it and trying to justify what she did yesterday as “correcting bad behaviour”.
School are saying they will investigate. It’s all they ever say, nothing comes of it. I think she should be suspended at the very least while the investigation is going on.
I plan on going to school governors too. If anyone has anymore advice I’d be grateful.

MsVestibule Tue 21-Jan-20 17:59:49

If this is what did happen, yes, I think she should be sacked and would take it further if you feel fobbed off.

OhLook Tue 21-Jan-20 18:03:08

Who did you speak to at the school? I would have asked for a meeting with the head. Failing any proper response after that I'd contact Ofsted.

Fairenuff Tue 21-Jan-20 18:03:44

How is it homophobic?

sparepantsandtoothbrush Tue 21-Jan-20 18:05:06

I feel like it’s a homophobic insult because of the wig comment and the fact he has long hair

What?

Fanniesyeraunt Tue 21-Jan-20 18:05:10

I’m not sure how they could do anything if she wasn’t on duty and it’s only 2nd hand information (I’m sure she’ll just deny it?)
Are you sure you’re not being blinkered to your own sons behaviour? What has he done/said to her dd for her to react in such a way? I know I’ve felt like saying a few choice words to bratty kids at my dc’s school in the past, Especially when I know their parents won’t do anything as they think the sun shines out of their arses.
However she obviously shouldn’t be calling a child names in earshot of other children.

NeedAnExpert Tue 21-Jan-20 18:05:26

She is entitled to a confidential investigation. Can’t see any reason for suspension here (HR professional).

blackburner Tue 21-Jan-20 18:05:26

It should be sackable but in NO way is it homophobic! confused

Hadenough20 Tue 21-Jan-20 18:05:53

It’s homophobic because he’s feminine with long hair and she referenced his “wig” which he’s been bullied for. I’m not about to out my DS but I explained why in my OP so your comment isn’t helpful @fairenuff

SisterAgatha Tue 21-Jan-20 18:06:17

Well even if it’s not homophobic, staff should not be making comments about children’s appearances. Imagine if the son had said the same about the dinner lady, I expect he’d be very badly punished.

NeedAnExpert Tue 21-Jan-20 18:06:31

Is your son gay? What has long hair got to do with sexuality?

blackburner Tue 21-Jan-20 18:06:31

Oh she wasn't on duty? Probably not sackable then, sorry didn't read it properly!

blackburner Tue 21-Jan-20 18:07:32

What on earth does long hair have to do with being gay?!

Seaandsand83 Tue 21-Jan-20 18:07:38

Don't contact her through social media or anything, this is a school matter so should be dealt with in school. Definitely arrange a meeting with the head. How old is your son?

LemonPrism Tue 21-Jan-20 18:07:38

You're actually being more homophobic by implying that gay men are feminine and that straight men never have long hair... is your son even gay?

It's rude and she needs to be reprimanded but it is not homophobic and she shouldn't lose her job over something she said to her daughter.

NeedAnExpert Tue 21-Jan-20 18:08:00

it should be sackable but in NO way is it homophobic!

There would have to be evidence that gave reasonable belief that it did happen.

Fairenuff Tue 21-Jan-20 18:08:35

It's still not homophobic unless your son is actually gay.

Long hair doesn't make you gay.

dognamedspot Tue 21-Jan-20 18:09:14

Advice - no point "going to governors" at this stage. Get the complaints procedure from the school website and follow it. First stage will be to formally complain to the Headteacher. Only after they have had a chance to deal with it can you get governors involved.
Bear in mind that if this results in any sort of disciplinary action you are not entitled to be given the details. So, just say the lady was disciplined, or sacked, you could only be told that appropriate action had been taken.

GreenTulips Tue 21-Jan-20 18:09:55

she thought he was laughing at her but He was laughing at something his friend was showing him on her phone

So he wasn’t laughing at her and she didn’t say to someone else the comment?

Sounds like they’re as bad as each other.

How old is DS? Teen by any chance?

Hadenough20 Tue 21-Jan-20 18:10:01

@OhLook I spoke to the head on the phone.
No I’m not blinkered by his behaviour, he’s no angel but he has been a victim of bullying there for a long time with other children including the dinner ladies daughter calling him “gay boy”. He was punched in the face last year for being “girly”. So to those of you thinking I’m just being blinkered by my “bratty” son, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve wanted to say things to his bullies in the past but I’d never address a child directly or calm them names. I’d go to the school first, failing that, the parents.

followingonfromthat Tue 21-Jan-20 18:10:23

This can be the trouble when another child's parent works at a school. I've known a member of school staff take sides with her own dc and have a go at another child when dealing with playground issues, and it really isn't on, is it? (reported to me by my dd who was a bystander - it happened several times). When the parent's child changed schools, they changed jobs to be at the same school again. And her attitude continued as well. Her dd was a known bully, and would go and tell tales to her, and she'd remonstrate with the innocent victims. They didn't have a leg to stand on, because other staff they told believed the parent staff member's viewpoint.

Newbie1999 Tue 21-Jan-20 18:10:42

Even if your son is gay, this is not homophobic. Rude and sackable for an adult in a school to say this to any child, of course, but not homophobic.

Hadenough20 Tue 21-Jan-20 18:11:03

@GreenTulips I agree at this point they’re as bad as each other. My post isn’t about them though, it’s about the mother.

sparepantsandtoothbrush Tue 21-Jan-20 18:11:04

What does pig in a wig even mean? Is it a regional thing confused

If she wasn't on duty I don't see how it can be a sackable offence. She just sounds like a nasty cow (although lol at your son saying he was laughing at something on his friend's phone and not laughing at her)

bank100 Tue 21-Jan-20 18:11:23

Not sure on this.
She wasn't on duty at the time of the comment and didn't say it in-font of him or you. So it's hearsay from other kids?

I too would probably have raised concerns with the school. But not sure this is a sackable offence (wouldn't agree to the comment being homophobic necessarily). Perhaps a verbal warning, if found to be true.

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