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to be angry at friends who separate from their spouse?

(115 Posts)
Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:35:02

Okay, so I know this won't be popular, but I'm angry at couples who don't try hard enough, This is because I know a couple of really close friends who are separating at the moment and I don't believe they should. I know this is controversial and it's totally up to them and maybe I'm getting too involved in what might happen to their kids but even so I'm really hacked off with it all and you might say, It's none of my goddam business! And you'd be right, it's not my marriage, but I think it's circumstantial in both cases, things have happened in their marriages that I think if they hadn't physically happened then they might have survived, the first was her husband went to do ANOTHER degree, studying at 39 years old, with students half his age, away from home most of the time, and the other was, they didn't have enough money to get a place of their own so his mum, her mother-in-law had them live with her in her house and now she picks them up from school every day, feeds them and everything and the mum has moved out! I'm just wondering if anyone has intervened in the sense of helping, and trying to offer some real advice to friends who are separating rather than just saying, 'Oh, I feel for you, hope you're okay' I can see what's happening! And I believe if the circumstances were different that they'd be okay! But it's none of my business right?!

JeremyCorbynsCoat Tue 19-Nov-19 21:36:24

You're right. None of your business.

Glad you're not one of my friends HTH

AnyFucker Tue 19-Nov-19 21:37:02

Right.

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

LetsPlayDarts Tue 19-Nov-19 21:37:19

You're right, its none of your goddam business.

PurpleDaisies Tue 19-Nov-19 21:37:32

Okay, so I know this won't be popular, but I'm angry at couples who don't try hard enough

How exactly do you know what goes on in other people’s relationships? How do you know what constitutes trying hard enough and what gives you the right to judge? hmm

But it's none of my business right?!

Right.

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:39:04

Thanks, just what I needed to hear, it's just the wives are hurting so much, I just think the men are being pathetic

amiapropermum Tue 19-Nov-19 21:39:06

The circumstances aren't different and it's got nothing to do with you. Sometimes people find it tough to hear of other couples separating because it challenges the status quo and makes them wonder if their own lives/relationships are fragile.

Very condescending to assume you know better than the people actually in the relationship. Also condescending to think your 'real advice' would be of any use.

Sakura7 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:39:09

Weird that you get so worked up about other people's relationships tbh.

It's absolutely none of your business.

Butternutsqoosh Tue 19-Nov-19 21:39:12

I couldn't be more pleased that you are not my friend, how fucking judgemental..as pp said - you have NO idea what goes on behind closed doors

MsPotterPepper Tue 19-Nov-19 21:39:28

biscuit

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:40:42

Thanks amiapropermum, I realise now I have nothing to give to them,

isabellerossignol Tue 19-Nov-19 21:40:46

Leaving aside any domestic abuse type situations, which tend to be rather well hidden, trying harder only works if both parties are willing to try harder. And if both parties were trying harder then presumably they wouldn't be separating because they'd be busy trying harder.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 19-Nov-19 21:41:30

One of my previous friends told me to stay and try harder with the husband I’d left and was in the process of divorcing. She didn’t know why I’d left as I wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet and she had no right to comment never mind pass judgement. We don’t speak anymore.

Concentrate on your own marriage if you have one and keep your unhelpful thoughts to yourself. You don’t have a clue what’s going on in their lives.

Bluntness100 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:41:40

You really don't know what goes on in someone's marriage but no one splits up easily.

You really need to keep your opinions to yourself.

readitandwept Tue 19-Nov-19 21:41:46

None of your business, keep your nose out and stop judging. I think generally speaking, people who really love each other and want to be together, try to be together.

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:41:53

Sakura7 I understand it's because I know the families very well, like family, and I feel for them all as they go through this hell

Aquamarine1029 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:42:03

You certainly think a lot of yourself and your baseless admonishments. I wonder if your friends know how little you think of them.

turnthebiglightoff Tue 19-Nov-19 21:42:25

I left my first husband. I'd met someone else - morning had happened but it helped me realise how desperately unhappy I'd been for a long time, with a lazy and inattentive husband who valued his shit low paid job more than me.

My "friends" were horrified and sided with him because he was hurting. They had been my school friends in the main. They froze me out and said and spread some very nasty and untrue things about me.

I'm so much better off without them fucking bitches

Keep your nose out and be there for your friends. If you can't be, leave them alone because they can do better than you.

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:44:47

Bluntness100 sorry to offend you, I just thought this might be a forum. I would never give them my opinions.

readitandwept Tue 19-Nov-19 21:44:46

I understand it's because I know the families very well, like family, and I feel for them all as they go through this hell

Do you have a tendency to make things all about you under the guise of concern for others?

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:45:40

Aquamarine1029 why would you say I think a lot of myself?

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:46:59

turnthebiglightoff I am there for them, I've offered my time and attention

Lorelei2 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:47:58

readitandwept not sure why you would think I have a tendency to make things all about me?

Aquamarine1029 Tue 19-Nov-19 21:49:47

Because you clearly believe you know what's best for people regardless of the fact that their circumstances are completely none of your business and unknown to you. Congratulations for being so virtuous and knowledgeable.

MadameButterface Tue 19-Nov-19 21:50:22

If the women are hurting then support them. Listen to them. Don’t advise them. Just listen to them.

By all means be cross with the people who have disrespected their relationship and chucked it away but the injured party deserves better and this way they get a shot at finding someone who truly values them. Why would you counsel someone you supposedly care about to stay in a relationship that is making them feel unhappy and devalued? What’s going on with you op? What did you see growing up? What do you expect from a relationship? Ask yourself this and then ask yourself if your standard for relationships is truly one everyone else should aspire to? Quite an arrogant attitude if so

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