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who is being unreasonable? me or the relative?

(60 Posts)
saltysand Sun 17-Nov-19 21:01:29

A relative bought DD a console for a combined birthday/xmas present but it was faulty. I let them know and they asked me to sort out the refund and gave me their password for the retailer. It was their idea to get DD the console and not ours.

I spoke to the retailer and they said they wanted a photo of the fault (which we had so we sent it) and would then come and collect it from the relative's house. They originally wanted the console returned by post but the relative refused to do this so I arranged for the retailer to collect it from their house. This apparently was not possible because "it is beyond embarrasing and I am never ordering anything for you online again" so we arranged, at expense to ourselves to pay to send it back via Parcelforce.

Said relative is now furious with us because "we have embarrased them because having a console delivered to their house is embarrasing" and "not what people of their social class do"

We are now out of pocket for the postage costs as they have been refunded to the relative as the company would only refund it to the card used to pay for the console. We are also out of pocket because we got a replacement console from another retailer who had them in stock today as the relative was refusing to get the retailer to deliver a replacement as it's, you guessed it, "too embarrasing" but we didn't want DD to be without the promised present that she had been given at the suggestion of the relative.

Now the relative is refusing to talk to us and is ignoring our email which we explained that she had been refunded the postage we paid to return it and was going to be refunded the cost of the item that was faulty. We politely asked if they could pass on the refunds to us when they were received because we had paid for the return postage and the replacement item but have been ignored. This is a relative who spends most of their time online and checks emails obsessively so they would have seen the email.

They live in semi-sheltered housing where it is apparently embarrasing to have a console delivered to the reception desk as 'they are not the kind of thing that people like us have' - subtext, they are 'working class'

Am I being unreasonable?

buckeejit Sun 17-Nov-19 21:05:12

Yabu to complain about paying return postage if someone else bought you a console. Just cancel the whole thing & say sorry dd it didn't work out?

mariposa23 Sun 17-Nov-19 21:05:38

WELL, I would say your certainly not in the wrong & I'd be happy they weren't talking to me anymore they sound like a right pain. Lol
I'm sure it will blow over

saltysand Sun 17-Nov-19 21:08:35

Yabu to complain about paying return postage if someone else bought you a console. Just cancel the whole thing & say sorry dd it didn't work out?

Why is that unreasonable? The retailer was all set to collect the console from the relative's house at no cost to the relative or us so surely that would have been more sensible if it wasn't 'too embarrasing'?

SlothRunner Sun 17-Nov-19 21:14:06

I really dont get why it is embarrassing to have a console delivered?! What am i missing here?

Zippetydoodahzippetyay Sun 17-Nov-19 21:15:55


They are being absolutely nutty!

Vulpine Sun 17-Nov-19 21:16:33

I'da just sacked off the whole thing.

WaningGibbous Sun 17-Nov-19 21:17:31

What? I'm struggling here to see the problem and I was brought up with some odd rules like never wear red, never wear shiny shoes, never eat in the street, never use a plastic bag - never have a game console delivered wasn't on the list. Surely it would be covered by another box anyway?

BuildBuildings Sun 17-Nov-19 21:17:51

The relative sounds awful and you're better off with them not talking to you!

AllTheWhoresOfMalta Sun 17-Nov-19 21:20:27

WTF? Consoles are working class? What now?!

IncrediblySadToo Sun 17-Nov-19 21:21:12

They sound absolutely fucking batshit

Make the most of them not talking to you!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Sun 17-Nov-19 21:22:36

Is the relative a MNetter who thinks anyone over the age of 6 is BU for playing with video games? 😂

Berrylove Sun 17-Nov-19 21:23:30

I can’t believe how petty and stuck uk they are being, seriously they need to get over themselves! YANBU at all! They’ve made you out of pocket, pester them to pay for what was their present in the first place, then be done with them. If they were a decent person they would have sorted out the returns in the first place as it’s their responsibility.

JusticeForSandra Sun 17-Nov-19 21:29:45

Your relative is VERY hard work, but their life environment might make it genuinely awkward for them (or in their own head).

They are obviously unreasonable, but they seem to struggle with normal life!

Runnerduck34 Sun 17-Nov-19 21:35:46

Yanbu, they sound nuts!
It was a very generous gift and it's such a shame it was faulty, if I'd bought it as a gift I'd be very keen to get it sorted ! Your DD must have been so disappointed it didnt work and I understand why you purchased a replacement , they should transfer the refund they've received for faulty console to you straight away otherwise it's not their gift and it's a big expense you didn't count on. I'd let the postage go, they were completely irrational but it's not worth arguing over postage , just get the money for the console.

Ragwort Sun 17-Nov-19 21:35:49

I think you just have to accept that, for whatever reason, the relative isn’t happy about sending it back or getting it picked up. And I think you are a bit unreasonable to expect a refund on the postage ... just write the cost off. Surely it’s not worth falling out over?

You didn’t have to buy your DD a replacement, you made a choice to do that.

saltysand Sun 17-Nov-19 21:39:29

I wouldn't expect a refund for the postage except I know they have had a refund for the postage from the retailer, maybe that is unreasonable of me. I'd not expect it if they hadn't had a refund.

Spitsandspots Sun 17-Nov-19 21:40:57

I would have just sucked up the cost of postage tbh and then waited for them to replace the console. DDs disappointment would have been on them rather than you being £££s out of pocket.

Dollymixture22 Sun 17-Nov-19 21:43:10

Is this behaviour normal for his relative? It sounds incredibly odd.

What is embarrassing about a games console? How would anyone know what is being delivered to their home?

I would write off the postage cost and be more concerned about this individuals mental health.

Raspberrytruffle Sun 17-Nov-19 21:57:01

I was expecting you to say that nutty relative was upper middle class. Yanbu they sound deliberately awkward. Ignore them until they get out of their rut and decline and future gifts

Wattagoose90 Sun 17-Nov-19 22:02:33

This relative sounds like a lot of hard work! Are you close to them? I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for the return postage back either.

saltysand Sun 17-Nov-19 22:07:24

They are hard work and I don't like them but tolerate them for the DC's, they are generally considered hard work by DSis and Dbro too. We are working class if we had to say we were anything but they are a Hyacinth Bouquet type.

Havaina Sun 17-Nov-19 22:19:24


YABU to complain about paying return postage if someone else bought you a console. Just cancel the whole thing & say sorry dd it didn't work out?

She didn't get the console though. Your username seems apt. hmm

buckeejit Mon 18-Nov-19 00:17:27

Ah sorry - they weren't planning on replacing to your knowledge then? I still think you're both a bit BU however. You have asked for both refunds - sounds like they can't be arsed with the continued hassle. If they are busy I kind of understand that - 10- minutes of ordering something is fine but returning & reordering can be a real a pain.

Their reasoning is nuts but presumably you know them well enough to know what pisses them off - only a close relative would be likely to buy your dd something as extravagant as a console.

I'd just say this is what we have done, let me know if you'd like to reimburse us. You can't force them to and it presumably will end up quite bitter if you push it so you have to ask is it worth it? I also think you've perhaps reduced any 'need' for them to sort it out since you've gone on and bought dd another console. Hope you manage to work it out.

EL8888 Mon 18-Nov-19 00:20:01

They are unreasonable and hard work. I am amused by the perceived embarrassment of having a console delivered. Very odd

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