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SIL overstepping hospitality?

(345 Posts)
Spinningfad2 Sat 21-Sep-19 20:31:40

Long time lurker first time post. SIL came to visit from abroad. Stayed 6 days in Premier Inn in London for shopping then came to stay with us for 5 days. So have two adults and 2 DN, have food in fridge and freezer so free to cook. Just leave them to it and DH did extra shopping for food they like. Have to grit my teeth when eat all particular fruit one day purchased previous day and then next day find yogurt all eaten so two days in row do not have anything for breakfast at work.
Particular item in larder SIL likes, I say DH can drop her off to buy it before they fly home in the afternoon. Come home from work in evening and find taken about ten tins from larder of the food.
Explode at DH saying it is rude as let have free run of kitchen and don’t expect her to raid cupboard. DH says she asked him and he said yes take them, didn’t know about conversation and what is the big deal.
SIL has sent a text saying how much she enjoyed staying and thanking me for my hospitality, I haven’t responded.
Note previously have been told that I am not welcoming by two other SIL, so am I being unreasonable?

Greywalls12 Sat 21-Sep-19 20:35:31

You don't sound very welcoming.
You say she can have free run of the kitchen and have whatever she likes, then moan when she's eaten something?
Perhaps you should have been clear what you wanted, or not to eat a specific item.

Unshriven Sat 21-Sep-19 20:36:22

You do sound unwelcoming.

Just buy more youghurt/fruit? There's only so much a person can eat in a day.

UndomesticHousewife Sat 21-Sep-19 20:39:27

So you got food in and left her to it to be free to cook then you're annoyed because she ate your favourite food? Next time cook for them and make it clear what they can and cannot eat

mineofuselessinformation Sat 21-Sep-19 20:41:21

Ummmm, I tell guests to help themselves and actually mean it.......

BlueBirdGreenFence Sat 21-Sep-19 20:43:58

YABU Either host generously with grace or don't bother. If you can't afford to, that's ok but you need to be upfront and say what they can or can't have.

MrsExpo Sat 21-Sep-19 20:44:27

I assume they can’t get the “10 tin” item at home and took your supply with them to stock up. Sounds like something a visiting ex pat might do tbh. My DB who lives abroad, stocks up on various stuff when he comes back to the uk, so have had this happen to me. Not really such a big deal is it?

timshelthechoice Sat 21-Sep-19 20:44:37

So just send DH out to buy more hmm. Eat something different for breakfast for a few days or buy it at work . . .

Andysbestadventure Sat 21-Sep-19 20:45:10

Yabu OP.

BertrandRussell Sat 21-Sep-19 20:46:31

So if she asked dh and he said yes what’s the problem?

Shoxfordian Sat 21-Sep-19 20:46:45

Yeah yabu
Do you often have guests?

itchyfinger Sat 21-Sep-19 20:47:44

I dunno I'm kind of with you OP, she took TEN tins of food home with her from your cupboard? I do think that's rude.

AllFourOfThem Sat 21-Sep-19 20:48:02

Yabu and sound really an awful host.

cowfacemonkey Sat 21-Sep-19 20:48:16

Yeah you don't sound very welcoming. It's just a bit of fruit and yoghurt. Presumably it is your DH's home as well and if he wants to let his sister take a few tins of something home with her then he should be able to.

If I had family staying and my husband kicked off that I'd given them a bit of food to take home I'd tell him to shove it.

Surfskatefamily Sat 21-Sep-19 20:48:40

Your not being welcoming at all. You shouldn't have told them free reign on the food if you didn't mean it

EveningLight Sat 21-Sep-19 20:49:34

Yabu although it would be helpful if they were thoughtful too or made a nice gesture to show they appreciate your hospitality .

I definitely don’t think you should say they are free to cook if you mind them eating your food. It’s sort of an important part of hosting people? I tend to do the opposite and get nicer food in when we have people as it’s nice to be hospitable.

HollowTalk Sat 21-Sep-19 20:49:47

She sounds really selfish - even if someone says, "Help yourself" it doesn't mean you can use all of something. Presumably she could have eaten your food and then stocked up before you needed it again?

Cherrysoup Sat 21-Sep-19 20:49:55

What the hell did you have ten tins of?? Even when my favourite posh soup is on offer, I don’t buy ten tins!

You did give her free rein, not sure why you’re now so pissed off.

krustykittens Sat 21-Sep-19 20:50:04

Yep, you are BU and unwelcoming. If I tell someone they can help themselves to the food in my kitchen I mean, I just buy more food if there is stuff we are getting through very quickly. As for the taking 10 tins, is it something she can't get where she lives as someone else asked? I wouldn't mind, in that case. She did ask, she didn't just clean you out and say nothing. You sound like you find house guests an irritation, which is fair enough, we can't all like house guests but if that is case, are you surprised when your other SILs find you unwelcoming?

HollowTalk Sat 21-Sep-19 20:50:14

What was the tinned food that she couldn't possibly get in her own country?

EveningLight Sat 21-Sep-19 20:50:53

That came out wrong as you have been immensely hospitable -and I do also think very generous. I do get why it’s annoying but think they weren’t necessarily to know

doodleygirl Sat 21-Sep-19 20:51:02

Why is this such an issue for you?

Hellywelly10 Sat 21-Sep-19 20:52:40

Its wierd to take tins from the cupboard isnt it. She hardly sounds broke

NerrSnerr Sat 21-Sep-19 20:52:49

I really want to know what the tinned food is? That'll help me decide if you're unreasonable.

BertrandRussell Sat 21-Sep-19 20:53:36

She asked her brother whether she could have the stuff and he said yes!

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