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Nursery expectations

(305 Posts)
Tracy91 Fri 22-Feb-19 19:19:15

Sorry I wasn't too sure what to name the thread...

Basically I've picked my DD up from nursery today and one of the staff asked if they could speak to me so she pulled over to one side...

She started off by saying that she could tell my daughters nappy hadn't been changed from the night before, and asked me whether this was true. I then went to explain that I assumed it had been changed at nursery as it looked/felt as though it hadnt been on long. If I feel as though it's been changed in the evening and she's going to bed soon after I don't feel the need to change it! I was in a rush in the morning so I didn't get time to change it and again it felt as though it wasn't wet at all. If this is the case I often tell the nursery that it hasn't been changed so they're aware it will need changing.

I'm a lone parent and studying for a degree with no family support. On top of this I've had a lot of stress lately and so obviously I don't have all the time on my hands which they're aware of, but nonetheless I will obviously always make sure she is changed when I feel she needs to be, say if she has a dirty nappy etc.

The nursery staff then asked whether I put her to bed in the same clothes as I tend to change them every over day purely because they get dirty at nursery so I'd rather not keep having to do heaps of washing when they're going to get ruined anyway.

I explained this and then was told if I need any support they can contact the health visitor etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy they take care in looking after my little one but I came away feeling very upset and as though my parenting isn't good enough. The way I do it is just what works for me and enables me to get ready and out on time so I can get on with work! On the weekends I never leave dirty clothes on or leave her nappy simply because she doesn't get as dirty at home and I'm not as rushed.

I just felt very patronised tbh, I may be completely unreasonable in feeling this but it just made me feel like I'm unable to do the basic tasks of raising a child. I'm aware they have most likely talked about it among the staff they made a point a while ago to speak to me about any additional support I may need. Im young and a student so I'm aware they may feel I'm unable to cope, but it made me tear up after they pulled me aside as I'm trying my best and feel quite embarrassed that they feel the need to question my parenting (she made a point of saying she was concerned).

Am I being over the top in feeling this way?? sad

Namechangeforthiscancershit Fri 22-Feb-19 19:21:57

Sorry it’s hard to follow. Do you mean that your DD’s nappy hadn’t been changed between collecting at nursery (6ish?) and dropping her back (8ish?) and her clothes hadn’t been changed either?

Wolfiefan Fri 22-Feb-19 19:23:29

You can’t put a nappy on in the evening and then take your child to nursery in the morning in the same nappy. You need to sort your morning routine out so you at least have time to put a clean nappy on.
And I wouldn’t leave a child in the same clothes they wore to nursery yesterday. Yuck.

Nicknacky Fri 22-Feb-19 19:23:53

Am I feasting this right that you didn’t change you child’s nappy from her leaving nursery to going back the next day?! Or her clothes?

To be honest, it’s right they spoke to you about it and you need to accept any support that is sent your way.

MynameisJune Fri 22-Feb-19 19:24:40

You don’t change her clothes or her nappy from picking her up to dropping her off the next

That’s grim and I’m glad they bought it up with you.

happychange Fri 22-Feb-19 19:25:32

Oh gosh, I couldn't leave my DS in the same nappy and clothes from the night before. When does your DD have a bath?

I would think the nursery is probably right to raise it.. it's basic hygiene

MaryShelley1818 Fri 22-Feb-19 19:25:36

It sounds like nursery did completely the right thing. I know how hard it is but you really can’t send a child to nursery in a nappy that she’s worn all night, that’s very neglectful. The same with clothes, they should at the very least be clean.
I would access any help and support you can.

EwItsAHooman Fri 22-Feb-19 19:26:05

As part of safeguarding training I was told that some of the signs a parent may be having trouble coping are things like a child arriving in the same nappy they left in the day before and wearing dirty clothes. There were other signs but you pretty much hit two of the textbook "warning signs" so they're obliged to have a word with you about it as part of their responsibility of care towards your daughter.

Stompythedinosaur Fri 22-Feb-19 19:26:31

I'm sorry that it upset you, but I think they are trying to support you.

I think that's too long to leave a nappy on and you do need to change them more often.

Tracy91 Fri 22-Feb-19 19:26:46

It was the same nappy, but hadn't been filed at all as she's ill so hasn't been drinking/eating! Maybe I'm wrong and in that case i should have changed it then...

I usually go by how it feels rather than setting to a set time frame! I usually do change her but it's purely because I felt like it didn't need changing! On most other days it clearly does

Pursefirst Fri 22-Feb-19 19:27:17

Whatever about the dirty clothes, but surely your DD would get a rash from having the same, possibly wet, nappy on for over 12 hours?

Wolfiefan Fri 22-Feb-19 19:27:29

She’s ill?
But going to nursery?
Ok then. hmm

goodwinter Fri 22-Feb-19 19:27:31

If she can tell it's the same nappy as the night before, you've left it on far too long.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Fri 22-Feb-19 19:27:33

But what about the clothes?

Smoggle Fri 22-Feb-19 19:27:41

You do need to change her into a fresh nappy at bedtime, and then a fresh nappy and fresh clothes in the morning before nursery.

Tobebythesea Fri 22-Feb-19 19:27:46

I really feel for you. You obviously have a lot on your plate and are doing an amazing job.

I understand your thinking about nappies and clothes but I do think they both need changing more than you are doing. It takes 2 minutes. Sorry, that’s just my view.

Houseonahill Fri 22-Feb-19 19:28:19

Just to clarify, your dd had been in the same nappy for 12+ hours because it was the nappy she went to bed in and she was going to nursery in the same clothes as the day before? If that is correct I used to work in a nursery and it was our duty to report things like this sorry, it's probably not a sign of neglect but it can be. Nappy should be changed first thing in the morning sorry regardless of if it's wet or not. Clothes two days running is ok if they aren't heavily soiled I.e covered in food and things but things like socks and vest should be changed. Was she going to bed in her clothes? Because that isn't very good either.

It doesn't mean your a bad mum though by any stretch you clearly love your DD or you wouldn't be upset. Mornings are hectic people understand that, it wasn't an accusation as such more just checking things are ok and asking if you need support which is totally fine if you do flowers

Nicknacky Fri 22-Feb-19 19:28:19

It doesn’t matter if it was filled, you change it regularly especially at bedtime.

But it doesn’t sound like it was a one off as you talk about how it’s your way of doing this with regards washing?

Twickerhun Fri 22-Feb-19 19:28:37

So you put her to bed in dirty clothes form nursery? And you don’t change her nappy for bed and in the morning? To be honest I think you got off lightly? Sorry but you need to change your routines even if it slows you down and means more time and more washing. I’m sure you are trying your best but it’s not sounding great

LIZS Fri 22-Feb-19 19:28:38

How old is your dd? Do you not change her into babygro or pjs/clean vest , give her a bath etc between one session and the next?

IvanaPee Fri 22-Feb-19 19:29:05

I think they were right to offer help and you should consider taking it.

If that’s your best then you might benefit from it. Not changing her nappy and letting her sleep in her clothes and then wear them again the next day really isn’t ok.

Try not to take it as a judgement. More as an offer of help that you might benefit from.

Di11y Fri 22-Feb-19 19:29:12

personally clothes isn't a big issue to me assuming under 2 and leggings and a t-shirt or whatever. perhaps change nefore bed into something suitable for the next day? but nightime nappy should always be changed in the morning, it's common courtesy and takes 5 mins. the nursery will change to a schedule unless dirty and it's v busy as parents are dropping off so might not get a chance for a while.

PotteringAlong Fri 22-Feb-19 19:29:15

You need to change their nappy before you drop them off in the morning. You can’t leave them in the same nappy from overnight the previous night.

I’m on the fence with clothes. I don’t wash clothes if they’re not dirty but i wouldn’t send them to nursery in dirty clothes. If they’re clean then crack on, wear them 2 days in a row. If they’re dirty they need changing.

Jenala Fri 22-Feb-19 19:29:20

It reads like you put her to bed in the same clothes she wore all day and she then wears them the next day? Or do you mean you put her in her pyjamas for bed then back into yesterday's clothes the next day?

It also comes across that you leave her in the same nappy she is in when you pick her up and she is still in the same nappy when she is dropped back off the next day? Or do you mean she has a dry nappy some mornings so you don't change it?

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece Fri 22-Feb-19 19:29:21

If your child is regularly not wetting her nappy for 14h then you need to see a doctor.

If she is then you need to change her.

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