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If you thought a friend was stealing money from your purse

(51 Posts)
PoshPenny Thu 31-May-18 15:52:06

What would you do?
Actually it's a bit more than I think she did, I'm pretty certain she did take it. As certain as you can be without having CCTV or a witness to confirm what happened. A conversation with a mutual friend earlier today revealed she thinks the same friend took a £10-er from her purse. In my case it was £80 that disappeared. I just don't know what to do. I lent her some money (£70) only a few days earlier (which hasn't been paid back yet). I'm not rich by any means, I'm missing not having that ££.

TuTru Thu 31-May-18 15:54:37

I’d put a note in my purse that said CAUGHT YOU!!!! and leave my purse laying where she’d be tempted.

gamerchick Thu 31-May-18 15:55:46

Yes ^^

Mollywobbles82 Thu 31-May-18 15:57:02

What makes you so certain that she took it? The circumstances of its disappearance determine how I'd respond.

PoshPenny Thu 31-May-18 16:01:58

Molly, because that was the only time I'd used the purse since putting the £80 in there the night before. It wasn't until later on I realised that the £80 wasn't in there. I definitely put the money in the purse the night before.

numbmum83 Thu 31-May-18 16:07:10

My mum had a friend who was taking money from her friends . They all knew she was doing it but it become an elephant in the room . Now another of the friends can't find her pandora bracelet with loads of charms from a relative who passed away . I can imagine it's harder when it's someone you trust . I guess you need to either not leave your money or valuables around or you need to move away from the friendship because you can't trust her.

MrsHappyAndMrCool Thu 31-May-18 16:12:22

Is this friend going through a hard time?

I don’t really know what I would do in this situation, but I do know that I would be embarrassed to approach her.

colditz Thu 31-May-18 16:12:47


Kursk Thu 31-May-18 16:15:05

Fill your purse with glitter and wait.......

Userplusnumbers Thu 31-May-18 16:20:31

Honestly - I'd be genuinely concerned that my friend was that desperate they needed to resort to that.

I'd have to have a conversation about it, but try and approach it compassionately.

waddlemyway Thu 31-May-18 16:21:32

Love the glitter bomb idea!
Either she will run for the hills before you get back in the room or you need to be prepared to sit down and have a constructive chat with her afterwards, friend to friend about what the problems are and how can you help.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Thu 31-May-18 16:21:49

I'm also wondering about addiction - does this seem likely?

Either way, I woul have to ask them whether they took the money. My response would depend on whether they were an old and good friend (in which case I would assume they were in a bad way) or a recent casual friend (in which case I would tell them to return the money or speak to the police about it).

Userplusnumbers Thu 31-May-18 16:26:27

@tawdry - if your response is based on the length of friendship, rather than what they actually said, then why bother asking? Not trying to be goady, genuine question.

KlutzyDraconequus Thu 31-May-18 16:32:44

Pop to clintons.. But the noises card you can find.. Cut the noises maker out and place it carefully purse. Leave purse near thief and wait for the song to play. Extra points of its a record your ow message card,
"Get your hands out my coin purse you thieving fucker..."

BlankTimes Thu 31-May-18 16:34:58

Is she stealing it from your purse when you leave the room in your house? If so try a nannycam.

If it's while you're out somewhere, put all your cash in one of those hidden bumbag type things and try Kursks excellent idea of filling your purse with glitter.

SteppingOnLegos Thu 31-May-18 16:37:19

Glitter bomb is brilliant! Like properly genius.

smithsinarazz Thu 31-May-18 16:37:48

A guy in the choir I'm in - looked respectable, had a job, no addictions so far as we know - turned out like this. Nicked money off everyone he could. Online fraud, straightforward theft, nicking expensive things from work.. Eventually he got sent to jail, admitting 100 separate charges.

When he got out I said we should let him back into the choir, you know, Rehabilitation of Offenders. But the others (especially if they'd had money nicked) said no way. And I'm sorry to say they were right. Occasionally we hear of him again..when he's been done for some other scam. They're all a bit Viz Top Tips, he keeps on getting caught.

MiggledyHiggins Thu 31-May-18 17:12:52

I'd do the glitterbomb idea. Or a nannycam.

mumsiedarlingrevolta Thu 31-May-18 17:17:49

Summers out of Uni I had a house share with a group of friends-we all waitressed and were saving for the next year of Uni so all pretty basic student stuff.
Because we got paid in tips we would often come home with cash and have it in our bedrooms. We started to be suspicious of one of the girls and marked the money we had in our rooms. She then tried to pay her rent with a marked bill. She brazenly denied it all despite being caught. On the surface she had it all-but she was a thief and a pathological liar.
It's very sad when it's your friend...

NobodysChild Thu 31-May-18 17:32:03

Leave a laptop open and have webcam motion detection running. Leave your purse in view with some money in. Make an excuse to leave the room, i.e, make a cuppa and act as normal. Check your purse once she has left and if the money has gone, you will have video proof of her taking it. If she is guilty, tell her you have proof and you are getting the police involved or she can pay back what she owes, plus what she stole. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone that I couldn't trust.

DarthArts Thu 31-May-18 17:41:45

Personally I'd co confront her about it.

I'd be direct "I know you stole £80 from my purse. You're my friend and I'm both angry and upset about it. I'm not interested in a conversation in you denying this but I am willing to talk to you about why you have done this and decide if I feel able to help you overcome whatever the underlying issue is as that is what friends do. However, to be clear if that's not a conversation you are prepared to engage in, our friendship is over."

Confusedbeetle Thu 31-May-18 18:00:30

Hm, this is really awkward. If I was brave enough I might say " Could I have a word in private? I am rather worried that you might be in a fix as you haven't repaid the money I leant you and I could really do with it and in fact, I am in a spot myself as someone has stolen £80 out of my purse and now I cant trust anyone

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Thu 31-May-18 18:24:16

Userplusnunbers I should've said I would need to ask them and gauge their response to be sure they took it - I'm quite careless with money and possessions so would need to be VERY sure it wasn't just me being an idiot again.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Thu 31-May-18 22:19:26

I'd put a decoy purse in there rigged to one of those stick on battery operated alarms that let of an ear splitting shrill alarm when the purse is opened...and I'd keep my real purse on me...

Other than that I would sit down with her and say think someone is stealing from me because money has gone from my purse and Im almost sure of who it is, I just have a few things left to do...and watch her reaction very will tell you if she is lying or being truthful.

Fucksgiven Thu 31-May-18 22:23:02

I just would never see her again if you dont trust her

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