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Fuck. How to recover from this graciously?

(37 Posts)
TheIsland Wed 23-May-18 06:50:52

Just had an email from my boss saying that my NC dad has emailed her asking for me to contact him.

He’s done this before, and emailed everyone in my department from the online work directory, then other departments when I didn’t respond. I didn’t deal with it well.

He’s an arse, and realistically people will talk about it for a week or so I imagine and then forget about it. It’s likely though that many people could have been emailed by him.

Do I a) contact him and say don’t do this stuff
b) contact colleagues and apologise, explaining what he’s like
c) laugh it off

Soundsgood Wed 23-May-18 06:52:10


FYC Wed 23-May-18 06:52:21

Can you get to IT early and get them to block him from everyone’s mailboxes? I’m sure your manager would support that.

Sorry you’re being invaded like this

FYC Wed 23-May-18 06:52:58

Don’t contact him directly, that just makes this method effective

TryingToForgeAnewLife Wed 23-May-18 06:53:01

B. He wants contact so don't give him any.

Have you been NC long?

MelanieCheeks Wed 23-May-18 06:53:14

a) unlikely to have any effect.
b) have they been greatly inconvenienced? And why should you apologise for something that you didn't do?
c) best option.

FleeceDetective Wed 23-May-18 06:53:38

Contact the police and charge him with harassment?

He knows you don't want to be in contact with him. If it was an ex boyfriend or just a random stalker you'd have the police deal with it. I actually think if you dont escalate your response to it being wholly inappropriate/unpleasant then your colleagues might just think you have a crazy drama llama fuelled life that that gets played out publicly and professionally in your life

Acopyofacopy Wed 23-May-18 06:53:51

Get IT to block his email for everybody and just shrug it off and say you are not interested in contact with your father.

LoniceraJaponica Wed 23-May-18 06:55:01

How does he even have their email addresses?

Jollyandbright Wed 23-May-18 06:55:50

I would send an email to everyone in the department, apologise, explain that I’m NC with him for many reasons and ask that everyone block his email address to avoid any further issues.

People will talk but I’m sure most well understand or be sympathetic.

weemouse Wed 23-May-18 06:55:56

What FYC said is the way to go, get your manager to agree to IT blocking him.

And yes B also, apologize and tell people not to respond to him also.

If I was your manager I'd respond to him stating I would not get involved and never to contact the company again, as this is not their business.

Good luck

TheIsland Wed 23-May-18 06:57:53

I’m away on a course but can email IT. I didn’t think of that! If it’s blocked, does that mean they won’t see it or they will see it but can’t reply?

I thought about speaking to the police but it’s a rare occourance - so I wasn’t sure if they would say he has to be more harassing than he is.

FYC Wed 23-May-18 06:59:02

I would also see if IT could send an email around reminding people that you can’t tell who anyone really is through an email, and to never give out details of an employee to someone claiming to be a relative etc.

It’s not specifically mentioning you, but it could help people assume this is a scam, rather than a personal issue. It’s a useful reminder anyway.

You could get your boss to email IT now, or add the email to a blocked list if that’s possible.

TooTrueToBeGood Wed 23-May-18 06:59:46

God, must be aweful for you. Definitely don't respond to him. Even a rebuttal is giving him some kind of return and he'll be more inclined to try this tactic again. Speaking to IT is probably futile as it's trivially easy for him to create new email addresses. In your position, I would speak to my manager to make her aware and leave it at that.

0ccamsRazor Wed 23-May-18 07:00:19

LoniceraJaponica many people's work emails can be found online.

Do B Op, keep nc at all costs.

Ask your boss to forward the email to you for your files, you may need it some day if you decide to go to the police.

Ask admin to block his email from your place of work.

TheIsland Wed 23-May-18 07:00:45

loni I work for the Church of England, and we have open databases on our website so members of the public/church staff can contact people in departments about stuff like School appeals or graveyards.

KeithLeMonde Wed 23-May-18 07:03:15

I would also see if IT could send an email around reminding people that you can’t tell who anyone really is through an email, and to never give out details of an employee to someone claiming to be a relative etc.

This. No-one should be handing out contact details to a random stranger who emails in.

GunpowderAndLead Wed 23-May-18 07:04:09

What about getting someone legal to reply on your behalf saying you don't wish to be contacted again?

BlueJava Wed 23-May-18 07:05:11

I'd do B for the Boss - Brief apology to the boss and ask him if IT could block email from your Dad's email address. Then for everyone else I'd say "Sorry about that, IT are handling (when your boss give go ahead) and it shouldn't happen again". Any explanation should be brief with no long, involved reasons for NC etc.

Fluffycloudland77 Wed 23-May-18 07:06:35


londonrach Wed 23-May-18 07:07:23

B and contact it and ask them to block remove his spam email.

londonrach Wed 23-May-18 07:08:35

And what keith said. Email reminding people not to give personal details out

TheIsland Wed 23-May-18 07:09:56

I’ve just emailed my boss asking them to contact IT. I don’t know if anyone from their dept will be in before 8:30, and some colleagues may check their emails before then, so I understand some may see it.

I like being able to say “IT are dealing with it” and reminding people not to give out details. He does have my email addresses. I’ve blocked him but he then recreates new emails so I tend to ignore them all.

It’s pretty rubbish. I can put on a face with most people that it’s fine but I’m angry at him and embarrassed.

Mogleflop Wed 23-May-18 07:10:21

Don't panic and do NOT go into details of your personal life on mass email! You have nothing to justify yourself for, and it's none of their business.

happystory Wed 23-May-18 07:18:25

Not an expert on GDPR but not sure if that data base will be legal after the 25th May. However may be too late if your father has kept the addresses already.

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