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When Karma doesn't strike, how do you let go?

(35 Posts)
ICantBelieveIDidThis Mon 23-Apr-18 22:05:37

I have name changed for this and I hope I don't screw it up.

I hold a grudge.

I hold a grudge against a former boss who is a classic PA Narc.

When on training courses, I and other colleagues were openly pitied by people from other organisations when we said who our boss was.

Narc Boss (NB) lost their job a few years after I broke down and sent an ill advised email which ended up with my contract being terminated.

NB used lines in that email to prevent me taking up a couple of offers in the same field after I impressed interviewers with my test scores.

NB 'lost it' meaning they managed to "leave by mutual consent", but not before decimating the department, haemorrhaging staff and using works time and resources for studying for a Masters and other projects.

The workplace was treated as if it was all there for NB's personal use. There are CF stories aplenty still told about NB and the appalling way NB treated the staff.

There are bans within the circles we used to work in on hiring NB. Ever.

Like, if NB was the last person suitable, NB still wouldn't get the job.

NB was on LinkedIn. When I was on LinkedIn, I barred myself from NB's profile and barred NB from me.

After having no luck finding work through LinkedIn and not able to make any useful connections, I deleted my profile.

Every now and again, I Google NB's distinctive name.

Once, I was gratified to note that NB's Limited Company, set up to do contract work, was about to be struck off the Register at Companies House for failing to lodge accounts.

However, I Googled NB yesterday and found NB had a new and prestigious job.

Entirely unrelated to the previous career, NB is now managing crucial staff in a very delicate field.

I can only imagine what the staff there are saying about NB.

Meanwhile, I'm on a zero hours contract, with no recent qualifications, no career to speak of and frankly jealous and livid at the same time.

I'm well liked where I am, but it's a dead end job and I could use better pay and regular hours.

Money's tight across all employment sectors and I'm finding it difficult to find any work in any sector that I am qualified for.

Retail is going down the toilet, I'm not a mechanic, I can't drive a forklift, I'm not physically able to do heavy lifting or manual work and I can't drive.

How do people like NB not only survive, but seem to thrive?

How do you let go of the seething resentment when their star rises and you're still near the bottom rung?

CherryBlossomSeason Mon 23-Apr-18 22:14:38

I get it. I'd love to know.

An ex ruined my career early on, small circles etc. He's a bad person yet thriving. I have to block it out if he crops up but I'd love to just not care

ICantBelieveIDidThis Mon 23-Apr-18 23:10:54

Meh. Sorry to hear I'm not the only one.......😢

Exhaustedly Tue 24-Apr-18 08:04:03

It does strike eventually. Sit it out!

Aprilmightbemynewname Tue 24-Apr-18 09:00:36

Exh spent 9 years bad mouthing me to dc. They are nc with HIM now.
His precious expensive car where he stashed all the dc baby pics so I couldn't have them went up in flames in an electrical fire at the garage who were fixing a problem. I haven't got pics - but neither has he now.
He will die an old lonely man while I have a fantastic array of dc!! And a new dh!
Patience my mn friend. Patience.

SheSparkles Tue 24-Apr-18 09:04:18

Shit always floats. Your ex NB sounds like a nightmare. I don’t believe in karma these days, but one day something will happen to these apparently untouchable people and their easy ride will be over.
It’s taken me many many years to get to this place, and I’m much happier for it.

thereinmadnesslies Tue 24-Apr-18 09:05:33

I get it. I’m going to have to change jobs due to a bullying narc colleague who has completely destroyed a team. I’m having to move, shes getting additional 1-1 training that will no doubt boost her career (and her inflated sense of self). It sucks. But her reputation is gradually being eroded, and at some point that will affect her.
Focus on you. You are not defined by her.

ICantBelieveIDidThis Tue 24-Apr-18 09:06:20

It's been almost 10 years and I'm nowhere!

Not for the want of trying, though.

It wouldn't hurt so much if I could get a permanent job in a field I wanted to work in.

I've worked in highly specialised science based roles and all I can get is zero hours admin. 😢

thereinmadnesslies Tue 24-Apr-18 09:12:37

I’m having counselling to help me get through this - could you have a few sessions with a counsellor or life coach? Not easy on zero hours salary I know.
Do you have contacts from previous roles who could help you find a new job, even if it’s a slightly lower level as a way back in

ICantBelieveIDidThis Tue 24-Apr-18 09:38:40

Do you have contacts from previous roles who could help you find a new job, even if it’s a slightly lower level as a way back in

No.😢

The one main employer shut down and all the others require qualified staff.

The people from NB's old line of work are sympathetic, but it's been over 5 years out of a niche industry where skills and working practices are updated on an almost monthly basis.

I'd be starting off as a trainee if the role is advertised.

There are no such jobs being advertised as training budgets are slashed to the bone.

There were a couple of admin clerk roles advertised in my old department, but with NB's former deputies and a relative of NB (another CF Narc) in charge of the selection and recruitment, I was rejected without being shortlisted.

Noqonterfy Tue 24-Apr-18 09:44:39

Could you do some more training op to improve your chances? I wouldn't waste your time and emotional energy bearing a grudge. The only person that it's hurting is you. Not your boss. He doesn't care. Let it go, get counselling if you can and build your emotional resistance. This person has already wrecked enough of your life. Don't let him take any more. New start, new plans. Starting today. flowers

Noqonterfy Tue 24-Apr-18 09:45:27

*resilience not resistance. Fat fingers.

Moxiebelle Tue 24-Apr-18 09:46:30

I like to think of this poem
Though the mills of God grind slowly; Yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience He stands waiting, With exactness grinds He all.

TuTru Tue 24-Apr-18 09:46:49

It strikes, the longer it builds up the harder it strikes them. Try not comparing your life to NB who has prob lied and blagged their way through. Do what you need to do for your own life, you can sort it out it just takes more time than you’d like xx

Oliversmumsarmy Tue 24-Apr-18 09:58:49

Could you go in a different direction.

Train in something completely different . Maybe a hobby or something and make it a business whilst still doing your zero hours contract work.

DD does a lot of zero hours contract work. She works 7 jobs and for an 18 year old she is doing well whilst her business is taking off.

Be careful how you wish anyone ill. The wording has to be done so that it doesn't rebound on you.

Nonibaloni Tue 24-Apr-18 10:09:59

I totally get this but you’re thinking about it wrong.
At the end of your life you will have a network of family and friends who love you and who will miss you. Whether you’re on minimum wage till the end or in a mansion you will have the warmth of love.
Narcs won’t have that. They can’t keep friends and family drifts away. Money in the bank doesn’t miss you when you’re gone.
Careers are important of course, but would you trade your friends and family for the career you want? Seriously would you? Cause that’s what your old boss has done.

ICantBelieveIDidThis Tue 24-Apr-18 10:55:00

I'm trying to get a trainee role.

I'm middle-aged, with a good general education, but fairly random work history.

Almost no one is hiring trainees atm and if they are, it's for apprentice roles.

Over 30 years work history and I'm scrabbling around for an apprenticeship at £3.70ph.

ICantBelieveIDidThis Tue 24-Apr-18 20:16:05

I found a job to apply for.

I applied for it. 😳

ItLooksABitOff Tue 24-Apr-18 21:13:19

Good for you!

I had someone like this early in my career. She was an utterly destructive personality.

I ended up quitting after a showdown one day, which is what she wanted. I realised when I was yelling at her that this was exactly what she had been waiting for.

But, I learnt an important lesson. Don't waste time on people like this (and also, if I get a WHIFF of narc-ness now, I don't hang around).

Good luck!

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 24-Apr-18 21:19:16

Good luck! 🍀

Noqonterfy Tue 24-Apr-18 21:32:03

Good luck op. Fingers crossed for you 🤞

ICantBelieveIDidThis Tue 24-Apr-18 21:39:45

Thanks. It's a trainee position in the field I want to work in.

So fingers crossed. 🤞

L1lacw1ne Wed 25-Apr-18 12:18:51

Good luck OP, got everything crossed for you, that this, or something EVEN BETTER will come your way. flowers

Troels Wed 25-Apr-18 15:02:11

Fingers crosse for you.

Lonesurvivor Wed 25-Apr-18 15:07:13

Sending you good vibes, I hope it works out for you.

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