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Dd (14y) advice please coping with bitchy friends

(5 Posts)
BlueSpottySocks Tue 13-Mar-18 15:48:41

Dd is nearly 14 and is part of a friendship group that has different girls coming and going and others that are more constant.

Over the past few months the core of this group seems to consist of two other girls, plus my dd. I'll call them S and K. S joined the group a few months ago, ironically , as a result of my dd encouraging her to get away from some mean girls in a different group who really upset S.
Over the past few weeks, there has been bitchy banter between S and K aimed at my dd- the main theme being that they don't want to sit with her, include her at sleepovers, be her partner in class. it's sort of presented as jokey banter but others have started to jump on the bandwagon, for example another girl- call her V- commented that she now likes maths lessons. dd asked why and she said, that its because she no longer has to sit near dd.

even recently when S and K actually invited dd out, they said to her that they didn't really want her to come, they just invited her out of guilt. some joke, eh?

dd did tell one of them that she was upset a few weeks back and she seemed genuinely sorry. and it stopped for a while but has started up in earnest again.

dd is feeling very low and has had a lot to deal with in terms of family crises this year and I am very worried about her low mood and now friendship issues.

she has even started to talk about changing schools.

I know the parents of both girls but dd is adamant that I should not speak to them or the school.

any advice greatly appreciated.


meme70 Tue 13-Mar-18 16:09:44

Mum of 3 girls here
22,18,13 SD 11

It’s normal and sadly awful for them

I’ve has many tears school visits etc from bullying stuff

It’s really hard maybe go see her tutor ?

I find though I step in and then bam they are all friend again and I’m looking stupid

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Tue 13-Mar-18 23:28:59

This sounds more like it's veering into bullying with the excluding her and being mean for no 14 they are well aware of what they are doing and that it will hurt her (take it from someone who was bullied at a similar age)

Have a word with the school and ask them to maybe not talk with the girls yet but to keep an eye on her and the group in lessons and so they can nip in the bud any mean behaviour towards her....

Also teach her that friends who treat others this way are not friends,

IloveJudgeJudy Wed 14-Mar-18 16:25:00

Even though she doesn't want you to speak to the school I would. She's too young to decide this for herself. DD had a dreadful time with bullying that she hid from us far too long, but one time she admitted something was wrong and I did contact the school and they were great

Doryismyname Wed 14-Mar-18 17:22:14

Girls can be vile at this age. Excluding your DD and making fun of her is more than banter. I would speak to the school and also try and encourage your DD to move away from this group and establish other friendships. Easier said than done, I know.

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