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Should I confront DH?

(11 Posts)
user931072891112 Mon 12-Mar-18 23:42:30

NC for this just in case.

My DH is a wonderful husband and great dad to our LO but can be massively clueless at times and I’m worried about how he talks to girls at his job, and one in particular, because I fear he could be leading her on.

I don’t mind him having female friends but I first took issue last summer when he was the first person she called when she was in a car accident. I was with him at the time and he was very kind, understanding and polite but I was fuming because she should have been calling her boyfriend or family (all local) and not my DH!! He’s not her boss so it wasn’t a ‘I won’t be at work’ or anything like that.

Since then I’ve kind of kept tabs on the situation and I’ve had several talks with him about my suspicions that she may like him as more than a colleague. He always promises to step back and distance himself but then he’s always texting her!! He doesn’t lock his phone and frequently leaves his Facebook open so I’ve read some of their messages. He doesn’t know this but he doesn’t go to great lengths to hide it either but he does shield his phone screen so I can’t see what she says, I think because he doesn’t want me to get upset again.

Anyway, my curiosity overcame me and I had a look and I’m so cross. He shares all the same in jokes with her, even showing her private jokes between us. She joked (I hope) about showing him her new nipple piercings and they often make jokes about how he’s her ‘second boyfriend’ or ‘work husband’. What’s more she recently broke up with her bf and he’s been ‘her rock’. I absolutely don’t think he’s cheating (don’t think he has the time!!) but I’m seriously upset that he’d be so dense. We’ve spoken so many times about her crossing the line and I feel so disrespected that he would carry on flirting like this with her despite promising to back off a bit. His personality is quite flirty and chatty and he has previously had form for not noticing when girls are into him but I have spelt this out to him and I feel so hurt.

Tl;dr - I don’t think he’s cheating but the flirty messages are really hurting me. Should I fess up to reading them and tell him point blank to stop or should I let it be, given that it’s probably harmless?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Mon 12-Mar-18 23:44:49

Sounds like the start of an emotional affair to me. Yes I'd confess to reading them, see if he agrees to cut contact with her full stop, change his number etc?

maryfrommaryville Mon 12-Mar-18 23:45:18

Erm he clearly likes her.

He's trying to not let you messages and you've told him how you feel and he's still doing it?

He's not 'being daft' he's flattered at best, liking her at worst.

He's putting his interactions with her above your feelings.

I'd be fucking furious. thanks

Lilymossflower Mon 12-Mar-18 23:54:00

OMG if my partner did that's I would be SO MAD

That's totally disrespectful and inappropriate of him

I would probably tell them I need a break from the relationship w till they prove they atop it and have changed !!

user931072891112 Tue 13-Mar-18 00:01:50

Thank you everyone. I just didn’t know if I was being the short sighted jealous wife.

The problem is I’m not sure what the solution is? Even if he went NC at home he’d still see her at work? I can’t just get him to change his job sad

God I feel really stupid now.

MrsEricBana Tue 13-Mar-18 00:04:56

What Mary said. Sorry OP.

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 13-Mar-18 00:14:28

not noticing dense - sorry OP but I think you’re being a bit naive about him. He notices and he knows, he doesn’t want to stop because it’s flattering, an ego boost etc. She sounds a bit bored in her relationship and looking for a few extra boyfriend perks without doing anything drastic. It’s really not ok in my book, but what you do about it I’m not sure because the problem for me would be that he knows what’s going on and is colluding/encouraging/enjoying..

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 13-Mar-18 00:15:00

My point being that even if you force him to stop some how he still wanted to do it.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Tue 13-Mar-18 02:13:54

If she is his "friend" can you casually invite her round for a cup of coffee or lunch or something and watch how they interact and then the moment she steps over the line in front of you with him, let them both have it, let them both know you are well aware of all the messages and how inappropriate their behaviour is, and ask them outright what is going on, and tell her if she doesn't leave your husband alone you will notify her boss that she has been mailing nipple photos to your husband..(I'm sure her workplace will have rules about inappropriate emails especially of nipples)...

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Tue 13-Mar-18 02:20:16

She's single - she can flirt with whoever she wants.
He's married - he shouldn't.

He needs to set firm boundaries.
If he sticks to them, work shouldn't be a problem

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 13-Mar-18 09:43:18

He's enjoying the flattery and extra attention. Too right you should confront him before this develops into infatuation.

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