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How do I tell DH?

(114 Posts)
rosebudded Sun 25-Feb-18 18:50:10

I was asked by telephone this morning to be godparent of my distant cousin. We live 500 miles apart but meet up for holidays a couple of times a year. She called just as I was parking up at a shopping centre and the signal wasn't great but I agreed. I told my husband who was sat next to me that we had been asked to be godparents and he was chuffed to be asked. I've just had a conversation with my cousin on the landline and asked who else was being godparents and she didn't say DH! I really didn't know what to say so just went along. My DH will feel left out. I don't have the heart to tell him. I've just text my cousin to ask if he could be godparent to! I feel cheeky as F but I know how hurt he would feel. I haven't had a reply yet. Have I done the right thing?

AgentProvocateur Sun 25-Feb-18 18:58:25

Is it normal to have a couple as godparents? I’ve only been to two christenings and the godmother and godfather were from different sides of the family. I didn’t have my children christened so I genuinely don’t know. I do think it’s cheeky of you to have asked. Your husband is presumably an adult and could put his disappointment aside.

rosebudded Sun 25-Feb-18 19:00:23

We were godparents 15 years ago and the others were all couples to, I thought that's how it worked!

Theshittyendofthestick Sun 25-Feb-18 19:00:55

Yep. That was unreasonable to ask. It's entirely up to them who they choose

Haudyerwheesht Sun 25-Feb-18 19:01:39

I can’t believe you asked if dh could be godparent tbh

Roussette Sun 25-Feb-18 19:02:13

I've never known a husband and wife be godparents, ever! Why would both of you want to be? Surely one of you being godparent is enough

NapQueen Sun 25-Feb-18 19:04:44

She asked you to be a godparent. Not both of you. How odd that you would assume!

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 25-Feb-18 19:04:57

You are the C.F. Your poor cousin has been out in a difficult position and will probably start her own thread. Call her to apologise immediately

Gitfeatures Sun 25-Feb-18 19:05:07

Rather than have a mildly awkward conversation with your DH, you've put your cousin in an exceptionally awkward position.
I'm not surprised she hasn't replied - she's probably composing an AIBU? post as we speak.

Florin Sun 25-Feb-18 19:05:08

Yes unreasonable, it’s really unusual for couples to be asked together, she will probably now feel in a really awkward position.

AnyFucker Sun 25-Feb-18 19:08:48

I think your cousin understands that if you (by dint of a tragedy) have to step into the role of parenting your godchild then you come as a couple so he will automatically be included

You do understand what being a godparent entails, right ? It's not just an excuse to stand in the front row of the church smile

stikessecretlover99 Sun 25-Feb-18 19:09:18

my dh and I have seperate godchildren. Unusual for a couple amoungst my family and friends.
Bit off to ask, as puts parents on spot.

FitBitFanClub Sun 25-Feb-18 19:13:43

Godparents aren't guardians, so there is no expectation of having to step in in the event of the parents' deaths.

bluesouper Sun 25-Feb-18 19:14:40

I think you should text your cousin again apologising for being a CF.


juddyrockingcloggs Sun 25-Feb-18 19:15:27

Can I ask why would he be hurt? Is he usually over sensitive about simple things? I think you have put them in such an awkward position now over absolutely nothing.

Chienrouge Sun 25-Feb-18 19:15:38

I’m a bit shock that you asked if he could be godparent too. I’d have just said ‘oops, I misunderstood, it’s just me’.
I am a godmother 3x over and DH isn’t godfather to any of the same children. He is godfather to one, I’m not godmother.

SunnySeaShell Sun 25-Feb-18 19:17:46

Oh no OP, faux pas I'm afraid! Couples aren't usually God Parents!

lorelairoryemily Sun 25-Feb-18 19:28:36

I can't believe you actually did that. You really need to apologise to her and tell your DH it's just you. And maybe learn to listen!grin

NapQueen Sun 25-Feb-18 19:29:11

Is this a reverse?

EllieMe Sun 25-Feb-18 19:30:35

Very rude of you to ask. What on earth were you thinking? Text her and apologise and take it back.

frasier Sun 25-Feb-18 19:33:54

We have 2 godfathers and 1 godmother if a boy and 2 godmothers and 1 godfather if a girl. Is the child a girl? Are you the other godmother?

WowIFreelStrange Sun 25-Feb-18 19:34:45

Fuck it.. the damage is done. You might as well sit back and keep us updated on replies now grin

frasier Sun 25-Feb-18 19:34:55

Bit of a hijack, why do some posters ask "is this a reverse" on threads over and over? What do they mean?!

PurpleDaisies Sun 25-Feb-18 19:37:09

I've never known a husband and wife be godparents, ever

Really? It’s absolutely standard amongst the churches I’ve been part of. Dh and I are godparents to two children.

I don’t think you were right to text your cousin though. It puts her in an awful position.

frasier Sun 25-Feb-18 19:39:15

I missed the part where you asked if your DH could be a godparent. I thought, as the title was "How do I tell DH" that you wanted to know how to tell me he wasn't a godparent.

You have put your relative in an awful position. sad

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