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Struggling - trigger warning

(165 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Ambroise Tue 20-Feb-18 19:25:04

I didn't really know where to put this but I could do with it disappearing so this seemed as good a place as any.

I'm really struggling to cope with something that happened to me. I was raped but I can't really tell anyone. I tried to tell my GP but he said he didn't want details. I took an overdose but survived and the Crisis Team I saw afterwards were really dismissive of me and what happened.

I'm too anxious to ring a helpline - I tried to ring rape crisis but hung up when they answered because I was panicking about saying it aloud. I've been emailing with the samaritans for a couple of days but they just keep suggesting I should report it to the police to stop him doing it again. I already feel really guilty so this is not helping to calm me down.

I feel hyper-alert all of the time and if I do get to sleep I wake up terrified. I replay it happening all of the time.

I don't know what kind of help I need but I think I'm going mad. Does anyone know of any help you can email or access online? I just can't speak to anyone.

causeimunderyourspell Tue 20-Feb-18 19:36:42

Oh no you poor thing ☹️ I don't know of anywhere you could do this via email, but as strange is this may sound, can you practice saying it aloud to yourself? Just getting used to saying it first? You shouldn't bottle this up and feel like you can't say it aloud. There is no shame and you've done nothing wrong.

Have you got anyone trusted that you can speak to about this such as a close friend or family member who can help you with speaking to the relevant authorities?

Do you know the person that did this to you or was it an attack from a stranger?

The dr you spoke to is disgusting for dismissing you like that. I hope that when you feel stronger you can put in a formal complaint.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, sending enormous hugs xxx

purpleviolet1 Tue 20-Feb-18 19:43:55

Ambroise thanks really sorry to hear that you have been through something so dreadful. Some fantastic advice from poster above. You can get through this thanks

Motherlucker Tue 20-Feb-18 19:50:33

Oh my goodness. Sending hugs. I have no personal experience but didn't want to read and run. The advice from the above poster is sensible. I hope you are currently not in any immediate danger and have someone you trust to support you. Wish there was more I could do to help thanks

Lovemusic33 Tue 20-Feb-18 19:55:02

Can you talk here? I have been in your situation though circumstances may be different (rape is rape though), I reported it. I’m happy for you to PM me. I don’t want to give details or advice on here as people may not agree with me but I do understand how your feeling.

The most important thing is that you get the right help for you, put yourself first and get help to recover from what you have been through.

Ambroise Tue 20-Feb-18 20:20:07

Thank you so much for replying, I didn't think anyone would.

I've only told the GP who wasn't interested and just gave me a number to refer myself for counselling - the waiting list is at least 18 months apparently. I also told the nurses from the crisis team who came out everyday for a week after the overdose, but they were only interested in making sure I didn't do it again. No-one else knows, I haven't told any friends or family. I'm too scared to, but it doesn't seem to seem a big deal to anyone I've tried to talk to about it. I've written it down loads, I can't quite believe that it happened, but I just can't say it.

It was just over a month ago that it happened. It was a stranger. I know he looked in my purse because he stole cash, so he has probably seen my address.

SparklyMagpie Tue 20-Feb-18 20:27:16

OP I'm so sorry to hear this sad

One tip I have, is could you possibly write down what you want to say and then just imagine You're reading something back to the person you speak to on the phone?

When I was raped my counsellor got me to write letters to my attacker and then I could either read them to her or not and then she'd bring in a shredder for me to destroy it, tbh I remember thinking it was crazy at the time but after I read the first letter and then shredded it, I actually felt like I'd said what I needed to. I don't know if I'm making sense?

I still do this now over 10 years later when something or someone is bothering me

Infact,if I have to make a phone call,which I don't like doing, I always write what I need to say down first and then reel it off as like a robot ( I know I sound crazy)

Please feel free to message me if you want to talk xx

Dragongirl10 Tue 20-Feb-18 20:32:44

OP l am so so sorry for what happened to you, how absolutely shocking, no wonder you are struggling .

Please pluck up the courage to tell a trusted friend of family member, you CAN come to terms with this, but you need support...can you or anyone close to you pay for some private counselling?

Sending you hugs and strength

Ambroise Tue 20-Feb-18 21:44:28

I'm just too terrified to say it aloud at the moment. I went to the GP because I had some injuries but like I said he wasn't interested in how I got them. He actually said that he wasn't the person to talk to and he didn't need details. The crisis team nurses said it's not their role to talk about why you did what you did, just to assess whether or not you will do it again. They gave me a leaflet with a phone number but I actually physically cannot say it without having a panic attack.

I can pay for counselling but I don't think I can actually survive being dismissed again. I get that it isn't a big deal for them but it's consuming me.

BeauxReves Wed 21-Feb-18 04:49:14

I’m so sorry for what you have been through. RAINN Have a great online counselling service, you might have to wait a while in the queue though. I understand how hard it is to say out loud. Sometimes I still struggle too. You can do this. It will get better. I know how traumatising it is to be dismissed. It does so much damage. But there are people out there who will listen and help you through this.

Handsoffmysweets Wed 21-Feb-18 04:53:24

Ambroise, you’ve been through an awful experience, now made worse by a rubbish GP and nurses. I can assure you that not all healthcare professionals are like this. Is there another GP at your surgery that you’d feel comfortable talking to? Perhaps you could phone and ask for a female Dr to call you back? I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I’m here and ready to listen if you want to talk x

Lovemusic33 Wed 21-Feb-18 07:47:30

When you say the crisis team do you mean mental health crisis team or rape crisis? If not rape crisis then you can talk to them. I called my local rape crisis team and they were at my house within a couple hours talking through my options with me regarding reporting it. For me I had to report as it was my ex partner that raped me and I was told social services could get involved if I didn’t follow through and get him charged. If I could go back I wouldn’t have reported it or told anyone as the process of reporting it was horrible, I was made to feel like it was my fault and in the end they did not charge him as there was no evidence (I didn’t report it when it first happened). I had one counselling session through the mental health team and was offered help through the police (once reported I had to go through the police support rather than the rape crisis team).

The thing that got me through was my family and friends, they were a huge support, I told my parents and my best friend what had happened, they didn’t judge, they let me talk and supported me until I was well enough to support myself. They no longer mention what happened, obviously it’s still going on in the back of my head but I can cope much better.

Ambroise Wed 21-Feb-18 08:13:03

I know I can call rape crisis, I tried but had a panic attack when they answered.

I know there is help out there but I can't access it as you have to ring up and I can't. I found some online forums by googling but they seem to be American. I was just wondering if anyone knew if anywhere you can email for support rather than ring.

I won't be telling my friends or family, or reporting it.

GlitterGlue Wed 21-Feb-18 08:22:49

Oh you poor thing, I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Are there any women’s groups in your area? We have some that offer a drop in service for support for women’s issues which might work for you? You could even show them the thread or it written down if you can get the words out?

Afternoon Wed 21-Feb-18 08:31:34

Would you feel able to call the rape helpline again, without saying exactly what happened in the first instance? Could you say "I'd like some help regarding something which happened to me but I just can't say the words out loud"?

Lovemusic33 Wed 21-Feb-18 08:33:30

When I called rape crisis I didn’t have to say much, when they came out to see me the lady gave me her mobile number so I could text her instead of calling, she kept in contact with me until the police handed it over to their own team, most of the people that work for rape crisis have expereanced rape themselves, they are very understanding and supportive.

I understand why you don’t want to report it, people on here will tell you to report it as he will do this to others but the truth is that if there’s no evidence he won’t be charged and you would have to go through interviews and being questioned for nothing. It’s sad that only a very small percentage of rape cases end up with a conviction, it’s just the way it is sad. This is why I say ‘do what’s best for you’ and if that’s not reporting it then that’s ok. Concentrate on your mental health and recovering from this awful expereance. Go back to your gp and ask for an emergency mental health acessement and counselling, you might have to wait a while but this won’t go away in a few weeks, you might as well be on the waiting list to see someone. In the meantime talk on here, write stuff down, shout, cry and get through each day the best you can with any support you can get.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 21-Feb-18 08:34:39

You can email rape crisis. Just type into google and you will get the address

Ambroise Wed 21-Feb-18 08:53:38

The email Isn't for the helpline though, just general contact.

Thanks for all of your help and suggestions, I will keep looking for something. Samaritans we're okay but they just ask questions rather than suggest things. There is a women's centre but looking at their website it seems to be for domestic abuse. There is only one female doctor at my GPs and she is part-time so it can take weeks to get an appointment with her.

Afternoon Wed 21-Feb-18 09:31:20

How about making an appointment with the female GP now, so your wait will already be underway, while you look for other help?

GinnyBaker Wed 21-Feb-18 09:41:22

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Are you still concerned for your physical safety? I ask because you mentioned that you think your attacker may have seen your address?

I think that is the first thing to tackle because you need somewhere to feel safe to even start recovering. Do you feel your property is secure? Could you adk someone to come and stay or go and stay with a damily member/ friend?

Sorry for all the questions! Just want to try and help....this happened to me too.

One thing that did help me was I went to a nhs walk in std clinic, and I'd written a couple of lines on a piece of paper I could just hand over to the nurse. And they were really kind and did understand.

GinnyBaker Wed 21-Feb-18 09:42:44

Sorry for many typos trying to hold misbehaving dog with other hand

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Wed 21-Feb-18 09:47:19

Do you have a Sexual Assault Referral Centre anywhere near you? You can visit them with no pressure or requirement to report to the police.

Ambroise Wed 21-Feb-18 11:08:36

Thanks for your replies. I suppose what I'm really looking for is some way of being able to write it down and get support that way without having to speak or see someone, until I feel a bit stronger. I know it is a bit pathetic of me but I really can't cope with anything else right now.

SparklyMagpie Wed 21-Feb-18 11:32:33

You are NOT pathetic at all OP!

Last time I went to the doctors, I wrote everything down as I just didn't have it in me to say it out loud.

I will come back to this thread when I get back from going out with DS but please please please know it's not pathetic xxx

QuiteLikely5 Wed 21-Feb-18 11:35:02


The email is for help, Anonymous help and support. You can also text

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