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Shaking someone off

(43 Posts)
NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 22:58:05

I met someone a few months ago at a mutual event. He seemed nice and swapped numbers.

He asked me for a drink soon after....then stood back and left me to pay.

I did so only as it would be rude and embarrassing for the bar staff so I remarked on it to him and paid up.

I realised we had nothing in common over the drink and he was mid twenties (he looked older) & Im late 30s. I gathered he makes a habit of dating older women as he said so and he said he'd been taken on holiday by them etc. hmm

I decided never to see him again and he kept texting me but I just ignored him.

I ran into him a couple of weeks later as we live in the same town and just brushed him off and said I had an appointment. He asked me out again and I said thanks but no thanks.

I just ignored him after that and he keeps texting. Again on new years eve.

Then I saw him again in town a few days ago and he saw me, we met eyes and I turned on my heel and walked the other way, fast. If that didnt make my feelings clear I dont know what would. He's already been told no to another date and he hasn't accepted it.

He just texted again saying he saw me in town and actually noted that I backed away from him and used a sad emoticon. He said he'd been thinking of me and put hearts and kisses. It is also Valentine's day.

Ffs it's been 3 months possibly more. I am fast losing patience with this. Would you say something to him or just block? But even if I block I still have to deal with running into him in town.

It's feeling a bit stalkerish.

Wwyd?

routineplease Wed 14-Feb-18 23:12:00

I'd make it crystal clear to him that you are not and have never been interested.
I'd text back something to the lines;

I did see you today but because I do not want any form of a relationship with you I made no attempt to speak with you.
Best of luck in finding a future companion.

If you do feel like he's stalking you then you can be certain you've made him aware that a) you're not interested and b) you don't want further future contact.
If he's nothing to worry about then the text will do the trick and clarify things for him.
If he is someone to worry about then it will become evident.

Gemini69 Wed 14-Feb-18 23:21:10

Nothing says ... Harass me .. like a big fat NO.... hmm

you're doing the right thing OP.. and just for piece of mind... I'd start to make a copy/note of all the texts/calls and the times and places you've 'bumped' into him... just in case things take a dark turn... you'll have something to show to explain the harassment..

the Guys clearly not learned to accept rejection...

good luck flowers

MyBrilliantDisguise Wed 14-Feb-18 23:23:08

He wants a sugar mummy. Why haven't you blocked him?

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:29:30

I dont even know if it's a relationship he wants could just be sex: which he is not getting either. Im just not interested.

But then when I looked at his Facebook (I did so when his persistence started) and saw he wasnt lying about relationships with older women. Their were photos of him and a women looking late 30s to early 40s hand in hand on holiday together a few years ago.

The context of the discussions we had gave me the impression that it is a financial thing dating older women as he just finished uni a year or 2 ago and has no money. He cant get a graduate job either and is in a minimum wage job in a dodgy flat share. Im not judging, Ive been there, we all probably have. But at my age Ive out grown that and we're at different life stages.

I could just water it down from saying I dont want a relationship to saying I dont think we have anything in common and I dont wish to see him again.

But what i dont know is if it's best to say nothing as any reaction (even a negative one) is a reaction and make provoke another response. Me so obviously ignoring him didnt put him off.

I dont know.

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:35:24

He wants a sugar mummy. Why haven't you blocked him?

I did. It works with whatsapp but not with text. I deleted his number and all his messages and blocked him on whatsapp but forgot text.

He's clever. He knew the whatsapp wasnt delivered as you can tell and he texted me instead. He texted me at midnight on new years and i had deleted his number and he didnt leave his name on it. So I saved the number again under ? And saw it was him from the profile pic when he was added again on whatsapp.

I figured i had to keep the number saved just incase he keeps contacting me and i one day reply a while later on text having forgotten about him.

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:37:32

And blocking on text doesnt work. You dont get notified and it goes into another folder but the messages are still delivered.

TinyPawz Wed 14-Feb-18 23:45:33

You should be able to block from your contacts list. No calls or texts from him will get through again

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:46:30

Ok.

Im not if i just shouldn't let them come through now so I have a record.

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:46:41

*not sure

Gemini69 Wed 14-Feb-18 23:47:55

you need to block him from every facility on your apps in your phone OP... it's not difficult... flowers

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:48:34

I found the earliest record of meeting him as he called me just to make sure I had his number. It's worse than I thought 4.5 months ago.

SleepIsForTheWeek Wed 14-Feb-18 23:52:02

Keep on ignoring OP. I've had similar - he just wants attention. Don't feed him. Eventually he'll find someone else to stalk get his supply from.

NewYearNiki Wed 14-Feb-18 23:56:45

That's what I thought. He knows I avoided him and it didnt stop him.

If I tell him to leave me alone it may fuel it more

biffyboom Wed 14-Feb-18 23:57:28

If he texts again tell him you only date men that are on a similar or higher income to yourself, or own their own house, are the same age as you etc.

NewYearNiki Thu 15-Feb-18 00:02:44

@biffyboom

Is that supposed to be a dig at me?

Im not interested in wealth. We literally have nothing in common, and once he hinted he went out with older women as they are financially better off that was it.

Or would you in your mid to late 30s date a man who was just out of uni and still living in a 7 bedroom student house share with a load of early 20s men?

We're at different life stages and his persistent behaviour with no encouragement has put me off him more than anything else.

SleepIsForTheWeek Thu 15-Feb-18 00:03:28

He keeps messaging in the anticipation that you'll bite. Then he's got the reaction. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

NewYearNiki Thu 15-Feb-18 00:07:55

He keeps messaging in the anticipation that you'll bite. Then he's got the reaction. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

That's what I thought.

AthenasOwl Thu 15-Feb-18 00:12:02

I didn't take biffys comment as a dig at you op I think she simply meant telling him you want something he can't provide may see him off and he'll lose interest since he will know you have no intention of financially supporting this user.

biffyboom Thu 15-Feb-18 00:13:25

No, you've misunderstood my tone.
I'm trying to suggest a way to put him off as he is clearly oblivious to your rebuffs.
Its clear from what you said he is likely after someone to pay his way/free loading.
So what I was suggesting was to say, in a way, that you will not be doing that.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 15-Feb-18 00:14:22

I didn’t see biffy post as a dig, I think it’s really off to want to date someone for their money and to expect to be paid for, i’d definitely call him out on it. Tell him you think he’s a gold digger, you’re completely uninterested and you will view any further attempts at contact as harassment. Then block him.

biffyboom Thu 15-Feb-18 00:15:37

Exactly as AthenasOwl explained.

NewYearNiki Thu 15-Feb-18 00:15:38

@biffyboom

My apologies. flowers

It's late and I'm tired.

SeniorRita Thu 15-Feb-18 00:18:30

I would reply "leave me alone now, I'm blocking your number", screen shot that as sent, then block via contacts list.

If you see him, just walk straight past him.

NewYearNiki Thu 15-Feb-18 00:18:37

What really freaks me out is that physically seeing me, even though I avoided him, seems to have encouraged him.

That's why it feels stalkerish. Even bad contact encounters are good to them. If that makes sense.

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