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Hand hold me through 30 day No contact please

(27 Posts)
RockingMyFiftiesNot Sun 11-Feb-18 20:48:24

Can’t give you too much info as identifiable. Have realised I need a kind of ‘cold turkey’ approach to withdrawing from a relationship that isn’t doing me any good. Have read about 30 days NC on MN so am giving it a go. Am on day 5. Can’t talk to real life friends about this but feel that by telling ‘someone’ (you guys!) that I will stay stronger. Don’t need responses, just somewhere to post x

Leeds2 Sun 11-Feb-18 21:10:00

Keep talking! I hope you aren't finding it too tough, but suspect that is asking the impossible.

RockingMyFiftiesNot Sun 11-Feb-18 21:19:31

Thank you @Leeds2. Doing ok so far TBH but have to keep stopping myself messaging. Just can’t imagine a whole month NC so trying to keep myself focused on today - or even the hour

skippykips Sun 11-Feb-18 21:30:46

Day 5! Well done! Keep going OP! Holding hand and sending you vibes full of strength thanks

RockingMyFiftiesNot Sun 11-Feb-18 21:46:44

Thank you @skippykips. Am proud of myself but struggling too. Think an early night is in order to remove temptation

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 11-Feb-18 21:48:35

Romantic relationship or family?

RockingMyFiftiesNot Sun 11-Feb-18 21:49:19

Romantic

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 11-Feb-18 21:50:36

How do you eat an elephant?

Leeds2 Sun 11-Feb-18 22:31:42

It will get easier, Rocking. Honest!

OK, Annie, how do you eat an elephant?!

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 11-Feb-18 22:33:10

One bite at a time.. so one day at a time I assume she means.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 11-Feb-18 23:09:40

Yes 🐘 One bite at a time

Tell me I can’t have something and it’s all I want. 30 days is torture, but ‘I won’t have/eat/do that today’ is manageable.

virtualreality Sun 11-Feb-18 23:17:28

I think that the explanations to others can be more difficult.

RockingMyFiftiesNot Mon 12-Feb-18 08:14:11

Thank you all. Thankfully I don’t have to explain anything to anyone else. One day at a time is the only way. It was one hour at a time at one point!

RockingMyFiftiesNot Fri 16-Feb-18 23:25:52

10 days in and so proud of myself, then blew it because i wanted to tell him about something. So cross with myself, clock set back to zero and need to start the 30 days again :-(

Kahlua4me Fri 16-Feb-18 23:28:47

Had he noticed that you were nc?

Well done you though for managing that long. Now aim for 12 days and then increase the time.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Fri 16-Feb-18 23:38:31

It's so hard isn't it Rocking? Have a hand to hold and a brew

My counsellor told me to go NC with my ex of 5 years too, so I'll do it with you, it's been about a week of NC, about 2 since we split for me.
Have you actually finished the relationship and told him it's over? That's almost the easy bit isn't it, it's the rest of your life not having him there that feels so hard.

What's your plan for the 30 days - are you thinking that after that you will be safe to contact him, hoping something will change, or just using it as a way to wean yourself off with a view to not contacting him at the end of it? I think that's where I struggled, wondering what is the arbitrary 30 day thing about?!

RockingMyFiftiesNot Sat 17-Feb-18 07:39:53

Thank you both. No I haven’t told him but he must have realised as we normally chat a fair bit. @MyRelationshipIsWeird happy to work through this with you. I had hoped to be able to stay friends with him but a long time on still find it too painful, so sadly probably need to cut him out of my life completely.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 17-Feb-18 10:37:46

I don't think friends can work tbh, sad as it is. I tried meeting up with him, thinking we could try 'just friends' (although I wouldn't really want a friend who thought it was acceptable to call me a c*%# during an argument and generally disrespect me either!) but the memories and pheromones got the better of me and I ended up holding hands and kissing him.

He thought that meant all was forgotten/forgiven and started acting like normal, whereas to me, all the problems are still there and the kiss just confused things. I feel like it set me back a long way just saying yes to his message and meeting up. I could be two weeks further on if I'd just said no.

I originally felt that if I took 30 days out it would help me to get stronger and to figure out what I wanted from the relationship. He refused, saying he wasn't hanging around for me to decide if I wanted him or not. So I took the time anyway and have since realised that even if he came begging for me to come back, I would be sorely tempted but for all the wrong reasons. I can't spend my life with someone who intimidates me and disrespects me just because he makes me swoon.

I know you don't want to say too much about your situation, but whatever the reasons for the split, try to keep them in mind when you're tempted to contact him.

RockingMyFiftiesNot Sat 17-Feb-18 12:49:53

I agree with you - very hard to stay friends when there are stronger feelings at play. I am hoping that a period of no contact will help me talk some sense into myself without contact bringing back the feelings which cloud my judgement. Sounds like you are best out of your relationship but no matter how logical and sensible it is, it’s much harder than just applying common sense isn’t it?

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 17-Feb-18 20:12:29

Yes of course. In my head I can list 20 reasons why I am better of without him, ways in which we are incompatible, things he does which annoy me. But my heart remembers his touch and his smell, the way he makes me feel when he looks, looked, into my eyes. I read a quote that said the hardest battle you’ll ever fight is between how you feel and what you know. flowers

Lennie16 Sat 17-Feb-18 20:14:43

You are talking some sense to yourself, trust your instincts,keep going. Well done

MyRelationshipIsWeird Mon 19-Feb-18 16:39:25

How are you doing Rocking? Are you keeping to the NC? Do you have anything interesting to look forward to to take your mind off things? brewcake

RockingMyFiftiesNot Mon 19-Feb-18 19:01:10

Not good over the weekend, starting again today :-( how are you doing @MyRelationshipIsWeird ?

MyRelationshipIsWeird Mon 19-Feb-18 19:16:08

Ah oops! How did that go?

I’m maintaining NC but having a real wobble today about whether I’ve done the right thing leaving him. Remembering good stuff and the crap stuff is fading in my mind. sad

RockingMyFiftiesNot Mon 19-Feb-18 19:24:45

That’s the thing, we get on well but can’t be together, so no contact is hard.
Focusing on reasons why we need to get over them is probably the way forward for both of us!

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