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I have no idea what to do?! :'(

(55 Posts)
SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 11:41:15

I've been debating posting a thread about this since yesterday but now I'm just in floods of tears and I don't even know where to begin

Apologies if this is very long :'(

I live at home with my 2yo DS and my mum
It's private rent

Yesterday a letter came saying rent has not been paid for several months and if the amount hasn't been paid in seven days there will be notice to quit without further notice

I know we have been struggling for quite some time now, struggling to make ends meet.

I'm currently looking for work.

A week before Christmas my mum had to go for a CT as an ultrasound scan shown a massive mass in one of her kidneys, this has stumped the doctors and since then she'd been having weekly hospital visits, tests and then eventually a biopsy around 5 weeks ago...we are still none the wiser as to what it is and if it's the cause of making her so poorly for the last couple of years.

She has an appointment at urology in just over a week.

She also suffers badly with anxiety and health anxiety. To say it's been an emotional and physical struggle on us all is an understatement.

Due to having to have time off work sick the latest pay day is hardly anything

Now, I had no idea things were this bad :'( I give her my income support benefit to go towards gas, electric and my part for rent and anything else, bills etc. I also receive my child benefit and maintenance which helps me provide for my son

I have no idea how much we owe, she's been locked up in her room since yesterday afternoon obviously a wreck. She says we're fucked either way as how could we possibly afford it.

I've tried to tell her to speak to my nana for if anything some advice.

I've been googling to find out what I can.

I'm scared shitless :'( we've lived in our home for around 19 years now. I'm scared what's going to happen and where we'll end up and I'm petrified for what my son will go through

I don't even know where to start, I need to find money, thinking of what I can sell

She won't tell anyone. We're very close but I've had to deal with a lot over the last few months and I just can't do this on my own

We have been through such a horrid last couple of years and been messed around by doctors who have shrugged her off an put all of her medical issues down to anxiety an it's taken nearly 2 years to finally find out there is something there...and something the doctors have never seen before

We have no idea what it is, we have no idea what happens next. We've spent the last couple of months having to think about the thought of it potentially being cancer

I don't really get much support and I have my son and I just try my best to keep positive but this is the last straw now and I don't know how I can physically cope

I'm scared I won't be able to get anywhere to live for me and my son, let alone my mum aswell

I don't know what I'm asking but I just needed to get this out and I feel there's nowhere to turn and my life has been turned upside yet again with shit after shit.

I just want my mum to be in a better place mentally and physically and I feel like the biggest failure to my little boy

I'm fucked and have no idea how to sort this?! We're losing our home :'(

RunningOutOfCharge Sun 11-Feb-18 12:07:40

So no rent paid for 'several months'

There will have been other letters too, how many missed months?

Where do you think the money has gone?

AstridWhite Sun 11-Feb-18 12:14:00

Is the tenancy in your mum's name only and has she been receiving HB for the rent?

What do you you think she's been doing with all the money? Did you have no idea this situation was building up?

VimFuego101 Sun 11-Feb-18 12:15:44

Call Shelter for advice. What money did she have coming in during this time, and where did it go?

Floralnomad Sun 11-Feb-18 12:17:49

Can’t your Nan help , could you all move in with her ?

Nottalotta Sun 11-Feb-18 12:17:57

Are you on the tenancy op? I assume not?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 11-Feb-18 12:21:46

Get all the paperwork you can lay hands on
Copy the notice to quit,take photo on iPad.
get in touch with LA regard emergency accommodation for you & child

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:31:03

I can hand on heart say there have been no other letters in regards to this

I'm not on the tenancy no

She receives HB but I think that got reduced some months back

We've struggled with some debts so that's where the money has been going and on council tax etc.

It's definitely not been spent on much else.

We've been struggling as she has had quite a lot of time off sick due to being in hospital etc over the last year so sick pay has meant hardly anything coming in

Sorry if I've missed some questions out, trying not too

I'm not sure if my nana could help, I'm going to speak to her again shortly and try and get her to phone her. I don't think she'd have the room for us, I can't think of anyone in the family who would

I don't know where do I start for me? Is it best to contact shelter?

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:33:15

For example, rent is £550 She got paid just over £400this month and hadn't been paid some sick pay that she was due the other month which we've been going on at her boss to take out. The council tax came out of her wages before the amount of £400

Nottalotta Sun 11-Feb-18 12:34:13

Contact shelter and your local authority housing department. If it's several months rent the landlord can serve a sec 8 notice which gives you 2 weeks before a court date.

Ask your nan if she can pay some money off for you.

I've got to head out now but will come back latr.

Blackteadrinker77 Sun 11-Feb-18 12:35:34

You are going to have to take over paying all the bills from your Mum as she clearly can't cope.

Ring your landlord or letting agent, explain that you have just found out and that your Mum is in ill health. Assure him you are going to start sorting this out and will update him asap on when he can expect to start receiving payment from you. After all those years I doubt they want to lose you.

Go on entitled to and check you are both receiving all the benefits you should be.

Take your Mum a cuppa, have a hug and let her know you are going to try to sort it out.

Once you know your benefit entitlement do an SOA together.

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:36:48

An I apologise also,I'm so clueless on things like this and where to turn,just finishing cleaning up little ones dinner and then getting my note pad and pen to write down all advice

Appreciate this,my head is well and truly shut down

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:40:47

Nottalotta thank you so so much!

* Blackteadrinker77* your post has made me cry again

I just want to hug her so bad, it has just been unbearable the last couple of years seeing what she's gone through with her health and I know how much she feels she's let us both down, when infact it's the other way round

I just want to do everything I can and no support myself,I've been her rock and I have NEVER felt such a failure in not being able to support us all

I truly do feel I've let this happen, it's no excuse but everything that's been going on health wise, I'm surprised we've lasted aslong as we have :'(

JediStoleMyBike Sun 11-Feb-18 12:43:26

Would your mum be able to look after your son for a bit and you get a job - any job - just to try and get some money coming in to make a payment to the landlord?

Blackteadrinker77 Sun 11-Feb-18 12:45:14

Don't feel a failure, you can sort this out.

Here are the links to get you started. Sorry I made you cry, you will feel so much better as you start to deal with it. Just don't ignore it, Tackle this head on x

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:47:00

I am looking for anything I can get that will work around my son,he gets the free hours at nursery but I wouldn't be able to afford childcare unless I can get enough hours.

I was working at a pub but it got taken over and we wasn't kept missing a tiny income from there too

Anything I can get my hands on can do for something

Also making lists of anything of value no matter how small I can sell

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:48:34

Blackteadrinker77 you don't know how much I appreciate it, thank you!!

I know how much better it will feel to get the ball rolling. I've been poorly myself and running on empty, I just need us to stick together to get through this

It's breaking my heart

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 12:50:32

She's always done everything to help me and support me and my son,I couldn't ask for a better mum,I just want to do the same back

I will get this sorted, however it turns out

Again appreciate all the replies x

myidentitymycrisis Sun 11-Feb-18 12:58:18

I have no experience of private renting but can you call Shelter as soon as you can for advice re saving your home ? Hopefully if you can make a payment plan of something regularly you can stay where you are, and try and get to the CAB if there is one near you.
Sorry your mum is ill and you are doing a great job looking after her and your ds

Imverypleasedtomeetyou Sun 11-Feb-18 12:58:50

I know this is a really really hard time for you and you can tell you're very close and love your mum very much from your post.

It sounds as if the uncertainty as to what is wrong with your mum combined with her feeling so unwell has become too much for her and she's no longer coping. You are going to have to take control.

Firstly, contact your local council, you need to speak to the housing team and make an appt to go and chat to them. They will be able to advise you on how they can help.

Secondly, contact the benefits agency and explain your situation e.g. who you live with, you have a child, currently not working etc and make sure you're getting all the benefit help you're entitled to.

Thirdly, speak to your nan, are you able to move in with her temporarily if you get evicted from where you are?

Lastly, ideally your landlord would be sympathetic if you spoke to them and explained the situation but I wouldn't bank on it. Ultimately he/she wants someone in their property that will pay the rent.

You have so much to deal with, you're trying to look after and help your mum but you also have a very young child you must take care of. Your mum isn't helping herself or you by shutting herself away, try and talk to her but if she won't talk to you ask your nan to try and get through to her. Now is not the time for your mum to bury her head in the sand, you need to look at your options and get all the help available to you both.

Blackteadrinker77 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:01:33

What did the letter say? Does it mention section 8? If not what is the legal wording used.

If entitled to says you are entitled to housing benefit you could go on to your councils website and see if they do Discretionary housing payments. Each council is different.

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 13:11:09

One second and I'll go check the letter again

She's just got out of the bath that I made her go and take,so once she comes down I'll get us on to the entitled website .....

SparklyMagpie Sun 11-Feb-18 13:13:01

" we write to advise you that we have not received any rent payments for several months

Therefore unless we receive all outstanding rent payments within the next seven days we will be issuing a Notice to Quit without further notice.

Yours faithfully...."

MissWimpyDimple Sun 11-Feb-18 13:15:30

You need to find out from your mum if there have been any other letters or attempts to get the rent.

If no, then when the section 8 expires (should be two weeks) and it goes to court- they will most likely throw it out. They have to make reasonable attempts to collect the rent.

Are you legally living at the property? As an adult you should be on the tenancy, this could cause you problems down the line. You say your mum gets housing benefit? Is this on the basis of a single person? Have they been paying that to her and she's been spending on other things or is it paid directly to the landlord.

All of these things are important in terms of how the court will find.

MissWimpyDimple Sun 11-Feb-18 13:17:19

Ok, so at this point they have NOT issued notice. They will do so IF no payment is made.

So you have a fair bit of time either way.

If they serve a section 8 notice then you have 2 weeks until that expires. The landlord then has to pay to take legal action, not all do this.

It will be in landlords best interests to agree a payment plan.

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