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It got aggressive

(41 Posts)
46onions Thu 08-Feb-18 09:26:16

14 weeks.
Had an argument with DP this morning and it got very heated. He stormed into my 3yo room and pushed me, catching my boob with his fist as I fell.

He hasn't apologised
It's not the first time
I know you'll all say LTB but I truly do love him and know that when we're good we're really good.
It's just stressful atm

46onions Thu 08-Feb-18 09:27:46

Posted before I was ready

I don't know where to go from here

I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him happily but how to get through this mountain?!

Snowydaysarehere Thu 08-Feb-18 09:28:55

Nice life for your dc.
If you don't ltb you are as abusive as him with regard to your dc living in that situation.
It's your job to protect them. .. You stay - you fail them. .

makeitso Thu 08-Feb-18 09:33:01

So sorry you are living with this but I feel even more sorry for your 3 yr old DC.

Why do you think it's ok to have this man living in the same house as your DC?

If a stranger barged into your home and did that you would be shocked and would have rang the police to have him arrested. Why would you let the father of your child do this?

How long before he starts abusing DC?

ladyballs Thu 08-Feb-18 09:34:03

You're being abused and you need to leave.

It's not healthy for your child to grow up in a household where there is violence.

makeitso Thu 08-Feb-18 09:34:43

"It's your job to protect them. .. You stay - you fail them. .

Exactly this ^^

SparklyMagpie Thu 08-Feb-18 09:35:07

How wonderful for your child/children

I'm sure they'll love to see this happen to their mummy

How do you know he won't one day turn on them?

You may love him but he doesn't look you sweet!

Do the biggest favour to yourself,your child and unborn child and leave this mess

Poffley Thu 08-Feb-18 09:40:32

Please can we not tell a battered woman she is being abusive to her children; it's not helpful and it's NOT the way we speak to victims, from someone who works in the field. It doesn't achieve anything.

The most danger comes at the point of leaving; leaving will not necessarily protect her children.

What she needs to do is make a safe plan to leave by contacting her nearest women's aid or refuge. They will help you OP. But please know, he will not change and you cannot make it better.

AnyUsernameWillDo75 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:41:05

The only ways to get through this "mountain":
Seriously, commit to anger management/therapy/couple counselling/all of the above etc.
This isn't something you can just talk about and promise that won't happen again.

Costacoffeeplease Thu 08-Feb-18 09:41:56

Why do you love an abusive arse? Why is that all you deserve?

Poffley Thu 08-Feb-18 09:42:07

Seriously, commit to anger management/therapy/couple counselling/all of the above etc.

No no no no no no worst thing you can do with an abusive man.

AnyUsernameWillDo75 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:42:57

Poffley why?

Poffley Thu 08-Feb-18 09:44:07

Because they are expert manipulators and it is extremely common for them to be able to convince the counsellor that all the problems lie with the victim.

We NEVER recommend any form of couples therapy in an abusive relationship. We sometimes recommend anger management therapy for the abuser, but not while they are still in the relationship.

Bluntness100 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:46:18

Was your child there watching this?

If you can't leave for you, leave for your kid. They cannot be brought u watching their mother being physically abused.

Honestly. Ask any police officer who has worked domestic abuse. The line is always "but I love him". Even when the women barely resemble humans any more, they are so deeply abused.

Get out now before it's too late. Loving your abuser is no excuse to stay.

AnyUsernameWillDo75 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:46:41

Ok, I'm not an expert nor work the field, you say you are so you're probably right.
Sorry OP I take it back. Make a safe plan to leave. Good luck, you deserve better.

Lemondrizzlee Thu 08-Feb-18 09:48:11

You say you don't want to LTB, so what do you want people to say? Not being funny OP but hopefully one day you can will wake up and smell the coffee.

Blackteadrinker77 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:52:48

It's not the first time

How many times has it happened?

Would you go speak to a woman's aid charity for advice?

TwitterQueen1 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:55:40

OP, if I were you I would ignore everyone on here except Poffley who clearly has the knowledge and experience to advise you. Maybe PM her/him for some websites offering help, or a telephone line you can ring.

You know in your heart that your relationship is not right.

Blackteadrinker77 Thu 08-Feb-18 10:00:22

Here is a link to the free 24hr helpline for womans aid. Please ring it.

makeitso Thu 08-Feb-18 10:08:36

Poffley is correct of course. Make a safe plan to leave but please leave.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 08-Feb-18 10:10:49

Sounds like you are in the very early stages of realising your relationship is not all you hoped it would be.

Unfortunately there is no magic cure for abusive men. They are dysfunctional and I’ve never known an abuser to change.

I understand the need to protect the woman from the truth of the damage the environment causes to the children but that is from the perspective of a DV worker. Someone protecting and supporting the mother.

However SS perspective is to protect children and mothers do need to be aware of the damage DV causes to Healthy child development. Quite often they do not know or even believe it does affect their children.

Well it does.

Op I’m afraid you won’t get your fairytale ending.

Until then I agree with others that you need a safety plan.

If you don’t feel ready to seek outside support then consider having a trusted friend who you can text a ‘safe word’ too if you ever feel in danger.

Poffley Thu 08-Feb-18 10:13:56

OP do feel free to PM me if you wish.

ChasedByBees Thu 08-Feb-18 10:15:53

You cannot change him.
You cannot change the way he reacts to arguments.
He is violent and will do this again.

The good times cannot be outweighed by this, they really can’t. Please take Poffley’s advice.

ChasedByBees Thu 08-Feb-18 10:16:39

Also OP, do you mean that you are 14 weeks pregnant?

46onions Thu 08-Feb-18 10:23:48

Would anger management not help him learn how to control his mood swings?
Yes 14 weeks pregnant

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