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Am I unreasonable to expect DH to look after me when I'm sick?

(51 Posts)
IThinkSoYes Wed 07-Feb-18 19:43:16

DH had this horrible flu thing a few weeks ago - stuck in bed for 3 days, no energy, no appetite, feeling dreadful etc. Obviously I looked after him - brought him water, Paracetamol, tissues; checked in regularly to make sure he was ok and see whether he needed anything etc. Just all the things you do when someone's not well and stuck in bed.

Fast forward to last week, when I got the flu. Came home feeling awful, quickly told DH I thought I had flu, went upstairs and collapsed into bed. Half an hour later, had a raging thirst, but legs had turned to jelly, so I sent DH a message asking him to bring me water and tablets. 3 hours later, still nothing. Eventually he came up to use the bathroom and I nabbed him and got him to bring me a glass of water (he arrived upstairs with a tiny tumbler, half full) and Paracetamol.

Next morning, again I wake feeling dreadful. I message to ask him to bring more water, some Paracetamol, and my regular medication. I wait an hour. Nothing. I realise I can't hear any noise, and he's gone out. I message again, asking when he'll be back, as I really need to take my regular medication.

After another hour, I'm almost in tears (except I don't have the energy). I realise then that I brought my handbag upstairs yesterday, with my house keys in it. I text my lovely neighbour (even using the phone is hurting my head, but I really need my meds), and am able to throw my keys down so she can let herself in. She brings water, tablets, everything I need.

2 hours later I get a message from DH. He has taken the DCs swimming. Hence he's unable to check his phone. The pool he's gone to is about an hour away. By the time he gets home, I've been on my own for at least 5 hours, and as far as he knows, I've had no one to bring me anything. It's been at least 16 hours since he even brought me a glass of water. Even not taking my regular meds could have been quite serious, never mind no water or anything.

Am I being unreasonable to be really annoyed at him? Surely if someone in the house is stuck in bed ill, you check in on them regularly? You don't just go out and stay out. He'd had the same flu; he knew that there was no way I could get up and sort myself out. His argument is "I didn't know you were that sick".

Squ1ggle Wed 07-Feb-18 20:21:31

Seriously? He probably thought he was being thoughtful in getting the kids out of the house while you slept. Not unreasonable to expect him to look after you a bit but I wouldn't expect DH to wait on me hand and foot and certainly wouldn't call a neighbour just to bring me a drink and some tablets

Pollaidh Wed 07-Feb-18 20:27:25

Well, I have mobility issues and have recently been quite ill with flu, but whilst if DH happened to be home he would pop in occasionally to ask if I needed anything, on many days he went to work all day. I generally managed to drag myself to the bathroom, get my various meds.

I thought you were going to say he left you to look after the children 24/7 whilst ill, which might well be unreasonable. DH did take over most (but not all) of the school/nursery runs, and looked after the DC at the weekends, but he had to go to work some of the time, and DS was ill with flu too, so I (ill with flu) was making meals etc for DS.

Don't know if it's the fact I'm usually in pain anyway, and am used to soldiering on, but I think YABU.

IThinkSoYes Wed 07-Feb-18 20:27:53

@Squ1ggle I think you're right about him thinking he'd get the kids out.

I had to get someone to get me my regular medication- I'd run the risk of serious health problems without it. DH knows this. I also hadn't had water for over 12 hours by that point, and with a fever was really really thirsty.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 07-Feb-18 20:30:47

Yes I would expect him to look after you a damn sight better than that. I know my DP does when I'm poorly - even a lot less poorly than you sound

I hope you feel a bit better now OP thanks

LoveB Wed 07-Feb-18 20:30:54

I'd be really annoyed/upset/hurt!! Couldn't care less if he thought he was doing me a favour getting the kids out, he could at least check up on me!!

Hope you're feeling better

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Wed 07-Feb-18 20:32:12


NotAChristmasCakePop Wed 07-Feb-18 20:42:39

Yes of course you should have had better care from someone who looks after you.

NotAChristmasCakePop Wed 07-Feb-18 20:42:56

argh, I mean love you....

Iloveacurry Wed 07-Feb-18 20:45:50

Next time he’s ill, ignore him. And go out.

LoveB Wed 07-Feb-18 20:56:08

Pollaidh you can't make meals when you have flu! You must have been getting over it. Sounds like OP was really ill.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 07-Feb-18 21:00:40

No, he’s been a complete dick. Sorry you’ve been so ill. You should have been able to expect him to have done a much better job of looking after you. Not just because you did the same for him but because he’s your bloody husband and promised to love and cherish you! I’m really pissed off on your behalf and be having serious words.

MrsWineasaurus Wed 07-Feb-18 21:15:20

Wow. I think your expecting a little too much. Sounds like he took kids out to help you rest.

Did you have a catheter in too? How did you get to the loo? If you can do that, you can get yourself some water.

AuditAngel Wed 07-Feb-18 21:21:28

So he managed to get himself and the kids up and out without waking you and you are whinging! I think YABVU.

I would be happy to be left alone and not have to take the kids to school/referee the kids.

MadeForThis Wed 07-Feb-18 21:34:03

If you were a single person and had been sick what would you have done?

I'm sure the flu felt awful but it's hard to imagine you couldn't have made it to a tap to get water.

I would appreciate the fact he took the kids out so you could have some peace and quiet to get some sleep.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Wed 07-Feb-18 21:35:49

MrsWineasaurus the OP was left without her regular medication, and without water for 12 hours. Depending on the medication, that could be life threatening. If DS1 went one day without his medication, he'd die.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 07-Feb-18 21:37:51

If you were a single person and had been sick what would you have done?

But she’s not!

timeisnotaline Wed 07-Feb-18 21:40:50

I dont live my life as if I’m a single person. I assume I can rely on my husband. I’d expect water, my medication, him asking if there was anything else, and telling me where he was going in the ops position. I’d be pissed of.

FitBitFanClub Wed 07-Feb-18 21:44:50

Bloody hell, some of you have got low standards!

Of COURSE he should have looked after you a darn sight better than this and it is absolutely not unreasonable to be extremely pissed off with him after this poor show. He doesn't get a bloody medal for taking his own kids out, whether or not the OP was ill in bed, and it's just a basic courtesy (not to mention safety precaution in this case, if the OP needed important meds) to ensure she had everything she needed before he left the house.

FitBitFanClub Wed 07-Feb-18 21:46:15

And the answer to "I didn't know you were that ill," is "No, well you wouldn't do, as you didn't fucking bother to come and check."

LuxuryWoman2017 Wed 07-Feb-18 21:48:52

Very low standards here. Of course he should have bought her meds and drinks. Ffs it's the least you do to care for someone.

timeisnotaline Wed 07-Feb-18 22:01:43

God yes to ‘i didn’t know you were that sick’ - next time you are sick dh I shall take great pains to disappear without asking so i couldn’t possibky know how ill you are, and so i won’t have to help you.

OliviaBenson Wed 07-Feb-18 22:05:11

I'd be fucking livid.

FitBitFanClub Wed 07-Feb-18 22:09:58

I mean, I wouldn't treat my worst enemy as he did you. It's the very least you should do for anyone, if you're anything like a decent sort of person.
Does he not care about you at ALL?

FitBitFanClub Wed 07-Feb-18 22:12:06

Anyway, OP, here are some flowers and a brew for you, (as your unfeeling dh is unlikely to turn up with any) and I hope you're feeling better soon.

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