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Baby in nursery before 6months =detachment disorder?

(56 Posts)
Treesinmay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:00:26

I've heard and also done abit of research on the first 6 months of a baby's life, they need their main care giver in order to get attachment. If that attachment is not achieved in the first 6 months then it will cause a lot of problems later in their life suce as in:

Not trusting people
Not having healthy relation ships
No confidence
Along with a whole lot of other that i cant remember.

Apparently it causes detachment disorder if an attachment is not made in the first 6 months.

Those who put their baby in childcare/nursery did you know about this? If so di you worry about It? As this is the first time I've actually sat down and researched this.

tissuesosoft Wed 07-Feb-18 17:02:39

Is that fact though? Or the research facility’s opinions?

Treesinmay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:05:16

I'm not sure if it fact but when I have delved into this subject the same answers keep coming back.
Apparently it's fact.

Callamia Wed 07-Feb-18 17:06:19

‘Detachment disorder’ isn’t a thing.
There is nothing to suggest that children under six months who are cared for by someone other than their parent can not form attachments with their parent. It is more usual in places like the US to have very short maternity leave, and for babies to start nursery at 3 or so months.

There is no compelling research that these children are systematically disadvantaged. It’s not what people want, for many reasons, but for many families it is a reality.

MurielPritchett Wed 07-Feb-18 17:16:49

Well if it's a fact somebody had better tell my two very strapping, grown-up sons, who hug me everyday and tell me they love me everyday despite the fact that they went to nursery at 12 weeks old.

When I had my two (20 and 23 years ago) times, expectations and maternity leave were very different and so I went back to full time work when they were exactly 12 weeks old. They are both confident men who love both me and their dad. I know this because they tell us every day. My first son was breastfed, the second bottle fed and this hasn't made any difference to their attachment to me. In fact, if anything, the second son is closer to me than the first.

Now I just need to get their attachment finances sorted out so that they leave home smile

FayJay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:20:30

There is no such thing as ‘detachment disorder’. I suspect you mean ‘attachment disorder’ but, THB, the fact that you got the term wrong does not fill me with confidence with regard to your research skills. Please link to the peer reviewed articles that you are basing your claims on.

Treesinmay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:20:36

@MurielPritchett that's lovely.
I think some of the stuff "research" you read on the net isn't always true. Just to scare the hell out of you.
Real life cases like yours and many others prove it wrong.

MrsJayy Wed 07-Feb-18 17:21:37

Children can have attachment disorders and never set foot in a nursery away from a parent. A child who is loved and cared for will attach--like a duckling-- fine even if that is in a nursery setting

Treesinmay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:22:08

@FayJay yes attachment disorder. I realised that after I posted but onvisoly I can't change the title.

Treesinmay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:24:12

@MrsJayy but apparently it can't be random different people it has to be their main carer giver meaning one person only. Attachment can not be achieved with a number of people or with some one who is not the main care giver.

FayJay Wed 07-Feb-18 17:24:57

Again, please link to the peer reviewed articles where you read this.

Callamia Wed 07-Feb-18 17:30:20

Please do. Because I think I must have missed all of this.

Enidblyton1 Wed 07-Feb-18 17:32:32

Could you post an article about this, OP?
I have a number of friends (mostly in the US) who went back to work at 2 months and left their babies with Granny or a nanny. Their children are absolutely fine.
IMO young babies need a loving carer to feed them/change nappies/cuddle them etc. But it DOESN'T matter if this is a variety of people.

RatRolyPoly Wed 07-Feb-18 17:34:30

Why wouldn't they be attached to their main care giver just because they were in nursery? confused

Confusedbeetle Wed 07-Feb-18 17:48:05

Babies become attached and bonded to their main carer very quickly. It does not take 6 months and does not assume that the child is never apart from the carer. In other words a baby could go to nursery and have loving care the rest of the time and bond perfectly well. Children who suffer most are for example, in the days of Rumanian orphanages, left unloved in cots with no emotional needs met. The emphasis is on loving care

zzzzz Wed 07-Feb-18 17:53:01

Real life cases like yours and many others prove it wrong.
hmm anecdotes don’t “prove” anything. How many papers have you read?

MrsJayy Wed 07-Feb-18 17:54:08

Yes the main carer but as long as a main carer is engaged with baby if a baby is cared for by others it is very unlikely they would have an attachment disorder imo.

MrsJayy Wed 07-Feb-18 17:56:31

I have seen toddlers with attachment disorder who are with their main carer 24/7

Digestive28 Wed 07-Feb-18 18:01:07

I think there is a misunderstanding of attachment. The brain is amazing and can recover if needed in all sorts of awful circumstances, going to nursery isn’t an awful circumstance. Equally as humans we can attach to more than one person (like loving both our parents and our siblings and our nursery staff). Give brain development some credit, it is amazing.

Digestive28 Wed 07-Feb-18 18:03:35

The reason there was originally an emphasis on it being one person was the time attachment theory was developed - post war when women had being doing men’s jobs so it was convenient to say a child needed to be home with a mother. It has moved on a lot since then.

MrsJayy Wed 07-Feb-18 18:10:05

There was a reasearcher who isolated a child to write papers on attachment I will find a link it was really barbaric

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Wed 07-Feb-18 18:12:01

I’ve heard and done a bit of research too- about babies needing a roof over their head, warmth and milk available, as do their families. Bizarrely apparently this sometimes involves the need for parent(s) to return to work sooner than they’d like. So if we’re going to have a discussion about attachment theories then it would be better not to start it by guilt-tripping parents who have no choice and making them feel shit about it. hmm

Terramirabilis Wed 07-Feb-18 18:16:35

My DC due in August will be going to nursery at about 12 weeks because that's when I will be going back to work here in the US. This is a country of 300 million people that has never had a universal right to maternity leave or maternity pay. This is not a country of 300 million people with attachment disorder. As PPs have said: yes, attachment disorder is a real thing, no, your baby will not have it from going to nursery before 6 months.

Lilonetwo Wed 07-Feb-18 18:19:39

From what I remember from my psychology A level... A baby needs to form an attachment to a primary care giver. This doesn't necessarily have to be the mother. It can be a grandparent, a nanny and possibly a nursery nurse. It could be a secure attachment or an insecure attachment. Both preferable to anxious avoidant where the baby never formed an attachment to any caregiver. (Rare)

Attachment theory is really complex. Don't stress too much about it before you have read up smile

YouCantCallMeBetty Wed 07-Feb-18 18:20:52

I think perhaps you have skimmed the surface of attachment research OP and your reading hasn't given you enough context.
Attachment is not a thing you have or don't have. All babies will develop some kind of attachment relationship with a primary caregiver unless they are completely neglected and shut in a cupboard with no human contact ( and arguably this still teaches them something about relationships). It is the quality of the attachment that matters, it is a reciprocal relationship (eg baby cries, carer soothes) and this is how babies learn about the world around them and begin to feel safe to explore. A baby who receives unpredictable or punitive parenting may develop a less secure attachment style than a baby whose needs are consistently met.
The baby does not turn into a pumpkin if this is not achieved by 6 months, best evidence suggests that the first ~2 years of a child's life (when their brains are most plastic) are important for attachment.
There is loads more that it is important to know but more than canbe usefully summarised here.
If you are tor DC's primary caregiver you can still help them to develop a secure attachment with you in all the time you are with them when they are not at nursery.

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