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I'm pregnant. Don't know what to do.

(27 Posts)
AlwaysSpellingMyName Mon 05-Feb-18 06:58:22

Please don't judge me. I think I'm still in shock. Just found out I'm pregnant.

I had a spare test and just had a feeling. DH is at work so I'm here trying to take it in

We have two DS (8 & 18months). Our oldest has ASD and a craniofacial condition that requires more future surgery. How would we cope? DS loves his baby brother but at times it's a struggle.

Going by nhs calculator I'm 4 weeks. No idea how this happened as we needed fertility treatment for Both DS's. And I had a burst ovarian cyst in December that landed me in hospital for 4 days.

I don't know why I'm posting I just don't know what to do. I'm too shocked to cry but I'm sure it will hit me soon. I feel numb but when I first seen the + line I'm ashamed to say I was devastated

Justanotherzombie Mon 05-Feb-18 07:00:28

You do have choices and you'd be surprised how many families (not just single people) do choose not to continue with a pregnancy.

Speak to your DH. And take a little time to think.

Booboostwo Mon 05-Feb-18 07:33:18

As above. You have options and you have time. Tell your DH and take a couple of days it let it all sink in.

luxed Mon 05-Feb-18 14:23:17

I'm sure I read somewhere once that a cyst can cause a false positive pregnancy test. I might be wrong but it's worth looking into. Get professional advice.

AlwaysSpellingMyName Mon 05-Feb-18 18:53:16

Thank you for replying. I spoke to DH when he came home. Was just a relief to actually tell him. He was shocked, as was I, but says it's completely my choice as to what happens with the pregnancy, and will support me in whatever I want.

I still have doubts to how we will cope with a Just 2 year old and an autistic 8 year old. Somehow I feel irresponsible bringing a baby into the family when we seem to have only just found a balance that works for us.

To the poster who suggested a false positive re the cyst. That was early December and I had a period over Xmas so I'm fairly certain it's a true positive. Will call the midwife tomorrow for advice though.

Thank you everyone.

Blackteadrinker77 Mon 05-Feb-18 19:10:05

No advice as it is your choice to make.

Sending you a hug x

AnnaT45 Mon 05-Feb-18 19:37:50

Unplanned pregnancy is a huge shock. You need time to let it sink in and see how you really feel. Do you have much support around you? Or could you put DS2 into preschool for when the baby comes? It will be very hard of course but there are ways to help it.

Your DH sounds lovely which is very important!

Do you have a gut feeling?

AnnaT45 Mon 05-Feb-18 19:38:36

Also don't feel irresponsible, it happens a lot!

Jobjobjob Mon 05-Feb-18 19:49:09

Please don't feel bad, you sound such a loving mum. You'll make the right decision, but I'm sorry it's so tough.

thanks

QueenAravisOfArchenland Mon 05-Feb-18 19:55:30

It's completely your choice. Neither choice is wrong. This situation happens, and once it happens then you can only make the best choice you can with the information you have. it's also ok to regret that you are in this situation and it doesn't mean you regret your choice. Good luck.

shortcake85 Mon 05-Feb-18 20:39:11

I think it's great that DH is being supportive but I think it's a decision that needs to be discussed and a decision that should be made by both of you, it's too big for you to make on your own.
There is no right or wrong here though as only you and your husband know whether this is what's right for you or not. Wishing you all the best.

mtpaektu Mon 05-Feb-18 20:47:46

Adoption is another option if you decide to carry to term. Difficult decision given your current situation.

AlwaysSpellingMyName Mon 05-Feb-18 21:55:23

Again thank you for the lovely messages. It has really helped.

I have amazing in laws who are hugely supportive. So I'm not worried about DS2 as such but more DS1. It sounds horrid and I'm not trying to blame or justify this decision on his conditions. I guess I'm trying to get it straight in my head how I can make his life easier without adding more stresses and struggles. He's an amazing kid. DS2 is a very easy going and funny little character too although nothing bothers him much. They're total chalk and cheese!

DH is bloody brill too. I don't know if it's hormones but I am a bit pissed/upset he's left it to me to make the final decision. He did just say there is no wrong decision and whatever I want he will be 100% behind me.

My gut feeling is I really want this baby. Just need to work out the logistics. And to get over the guilt.

MollyHuaCha Mon 05-Feb-18 23:31:05

I can't help feeling that your DH should make the decision with you. It needs to be a joint decision so no one has regrets later.

Keep the baby, have baby adopted, terminate the pregnant - all huge life changing things.

Take care of yourself and good luck. thanks

ohfourfoxache Tue 06-Feb-18 01:21:11

<gentle hug>

No advice other than follow your heart.

I’m so sorry that life has decided to throw this at you thanks

RestingButchFace Tue 06-Feb-18 01:26:06

You don't need to feel you are blaming or justifying your decision based on ds1's condition but it is a factor. You as a family need to decide how much you can realistically cope with.Nothing you decide needs justifying either way.

Booboostwo Tue 06-Feb-18 07:21:11

It is reasonable and responsible for anyone thinking about another DC to consider how it will impact on their lives in a practical sense. Financial factors, housing factors, work factors and, yes, the needs of existing DCs, are perfectly reasonable for people to take into account when making the decision. Only you and your DH can weigh all this up against the alternatives.

I see what you mean about your DH passing the buck but perhaps that was his first reaction. And as a first reaction it's a really good one as it acknowledges that it's your body and the initial choices will impact you whether they are termination or pragnancy and birth. Perhaps when he's ad a bit of time to get his head around things he will be able to voice an opinion on practical matters an the feasibility of having another DC.

AlwaysSpellingMyName Tue 06-Feb-18 10:51:54

I had a long chat with DH last night and I said we had to be brutally honest. We thought of all the factors as to why we shouldn't continue this pregnancy and really scrutinised every detail. I have to say it was really tough emotionally and I got really upset but it needed to be done. The biggest fear is the impact on Ds1. This is both our main worry.

Financially we are stable and although it will mean cutbacks to certain luxuries, it's not a concern.

We will have to move House, preferably before I give birth. This was something DH was stressing over also but we can start sorting ASAP

I have booked a midwife appointment. We are sure we want this baby. As much as it won't be easy we will make sure we have supports in place to make sure things are as easy as possible. I have no doubts that at times I will think we're mad but this baby really is so wanted. I've said to DH I want to keep the news to ourselves for a bit although our families will be delighted. I don't have the best relationship with my mum but my MIL is a gem. I'm very close to her. My dad and brothers are also very involved and supportive.

Thank you everyone. I can't say it enough as the support from this thread has been fantastic.

Blackteadrinker77 Tue 06-Feb-18 11:03:27

Congratulations smile

Remember how resilient children are. I'm sure DS1 will be fine with the loving family he has around him x

MollyHuaCha Tue 06-Feb-18 11:34:11

smile Thanks for updating. You sound like a strong family. Look after yourself.

ohfourfoxache Tue 06-Feb-18 11:43:14

Oh Always I’m so pleased for you, congratulations xx

AnnaT45 Tue 06-Feb-18 13:08:42

Ah OP I'm so happy for you that you've made a decision that's right for you.

Yes it will be hard and you'll worry you've done the right thing but you'll find your way. We always do!

Good luck with it all grin

Booboostwo Tue 06-Feb-18 20:02:41

Lovely news, congratulations!

jkl0311 Wed 07-Feb-18 09:30:23

I have not personally been in this position but know of people that have terminated in a similar circumstance and in years to come regretted it said it was the biggest mistake of there life (30 years later) Think long and hard, babies are a blessing and if your giving all the love and support to the first 2 your heart will grow bigger to support a 3rd.

tuliped Fri 09-Feb-18 14:14:33

How are you doing?

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