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Difficult colleague

(51 Posts)
Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 00:34:38

After years of depression, anxiety and uncertainty I have finally got a perfect job. Been there a few months and I absolutely love it. However a new colleague has started who the boss said was going to be fantastic. He is loud, obnoxious, arrogant outspoken and incredibly lazy. We are literally running around doing his share of the work as well as ours while he sits down and does the bare minimum. I'm being polite while trying to have as little contact with him as possible because I can't deal with people like this, I hate confrontation and don't even know how to respond to someone who seems to use a nasty tone of voice with everything they say.

One day when he'd left early the deputy manager (lovely guy) started a conversation about the new guy basically asking for feedback. It was said that he doesn't really do much to which we agreed and someone used the word lazy. We gave examples, myself included. The next day we saw him in the bosses office (door closed) and we assumed he was getting a telling off however he came back to work and acted exactly the same.

A few days later and I've been told by someone who spoke to him about it that he wasn't in the office for a telling off but he's put in a complaint about a member of staff bad mouthing him behind his back. Apparently someone told him about the conversation but only told him the comments came from one person - me!!

I haven't been called into the office or anything, the boss seemingly hasn't done anything about it. Coincidentally a memo has gone out asking people to be more welcoming to new staff members and to give them the chance to do routine jobs -as if we don't give him the chance and that it's us being unfriendly!. I only found out about it because he told someone who he knew would come and tell me but I'm absolutely devastated. Even if nothing has been done I'm still horrified that a complaint has been made against me. In addition I still have to work with him everyday and he's still acting the same way.

Any advice please? What would you do?

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 00:43:57

Anyone?

Cauliflowersqueeze Sun 28-Jan-18 00:44:57

Email agreed deadlines to the whole group so he knows what his work is and when it needs to be done by.
Let him hang himself.

These sorts of arses don’t last that long before people cotton on so don’t worry.

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 00:53:50

We don't have email. It's a hands on setting, the jobs that need to be done are jobs that literally need to be done by a specified time or we all get behind. We've been prompting, waiting and hinting expecting him to get up and do stuff but he just doesn't so we then have to do it. All the boss cares about is that everything is done by the end of the day.

Mxyzptlk Sun 28-Jan-18 01:00:55

Can you speak to the deputy manager about it? Ask if it's true there was a complaint about you and ask his advice on how to proceed.
Surely if there has been a complaint you should be spoken to?

What happens if you all get behind? Can you all let that happen, to show him up, or is it absolutely crucial that the work gets done (eg care of elderly)?

Butterymuffin Sun 28-Jan-18 01:06:20

Ask him directly, don't hint. So say 'Mr Lazy, will you do A, I'll do B and OtherColleague will do C?' Then it'll be more obvious when his share isn't done. Plus you can document who is supposed to have done what.

I would also speak to the deputy manager and ask how your conversation with him ended up being misrepresented. Don't just let that go. Someone dropped you in it.

Failingat40 Sun 28-Jan-18 01:26:14

Be careful what you say and who to.

It's sounds very likely he could be the son or friends son of one of your colleagues/Boss.

Lazy incompetent people will eventually hang themselves.

Make sure you cover your own back by getting things in writing if you need to and remain professional at all times.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Sun 28-Jan-18 01:34:08

What I would do if it was me is do your own work only, tell your other colleagues to do their own works only...and let this lazy colleague be exposed for what he is...if he doesn't pick up the slack and misses a deadline then the bosses will see him for what he really is,

While you are all doing his work for him to meet deadlines you are essentially covering for him so the bosses don't get to see what he's actually like....

Agree with your other colleagues that it's stops and no more doing his work, if it means missing deadlines then don't worry about it, the boss will be annoyed with him and not all of you...you can't keep doing his work for him, it's not right that he is earning a salary for doing nothing

TheBrilliantMistake Sun 28-Jan-18 01:35:16

Work politics can be a minefield, and best avoided.
Someone's already dropped you in it, or started playing games.

Once someone says 'there's a new starter and they are going to be great' it means that they've already judged this person to be great, and will want to be proven right, not wrong. Anything that suggests they aren't great will be seen as negative.

Whenever I've heard of new staff starting, it's typically been 'there's a new person starting in the next few weeks, they seemed ok'. But on the rare occasion you'll get something more like 'I know a really good person from where I used to work, and they're bloody marvellous' - the scene is already set.

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 02:16:40

The deputy manager was taken into the offive relatively soon afterwards and now no longer talks about the new guy and made a point of making sure we all know about the memo and suggested ways to welcome him (night out etc) so I don't feel comfortable going to him now. I think he's worried too. The person who told me about the complaint has also done an about turn and is acting completly different to the new guy now - laughing, joking, talking about personal stuff etc.

It is a position in a caring profession so yes the jobs cannot wait until he gets round to them.

I am going to be careful who I speak to now, I know its obvious someone made sure to drop me in it even though it wasn't just me in that conversation. I don't feel I can ask him to do anything or allocate jobs because I'm new too, I don't want to seem bossy, I'm not in a role to do that and also I don't think I'd be able to due to the tone/way he speaks to people.

If the complaint was made but not followed up does that mean it was a real complaint? Will it be written in my file? It's also frustrating that I'm on a lower wage than him, I get less money for doing his share of the work yet it needs doing or our service users will suffer.

Mxyzptlk Sun 28-Jan-18 02:25:14

It's sounds very likely he could be the son or friends son of one of your colleagues/Boss.
That seems likely.

Could you ask the manager or deputy if it's true that a complaint was made about you?
Surely you are entitled to know that.

TheBrilliantMistake Sun 28-Jan-18 02:27:59

You are entitled to see your 'file' at work. If you're worried about that, you can check it. I would not have thought it would be on file though, it's far more likely to be office politics - the type that goes on up and down the country.
My advice is to just do the best you can do in your own job. You sign a contract with your company (a mutual contract that works both ways). You do some work for them, and they pay you for that work. Forget what others are doing, just have a clear conscience about the effort you put in. You can drive yourself nuts worrying about others!

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 02:49:56

TheBrilliantMistake I will do that. How do you suggest I deal with him on a daily basis? Right now I feel like completly ignoring/avoiding him but I'm supposed to work with him.

Graphista Sun 28-Jan-18 02:59:12

Be careful. Essentially the only person who has said that he didn't get told off or that a complaint was made naming you was him!

He's told probably the "office gossip" knowing it'll get back to you. Perfect way to make you feel undermined and paranoid, distract you from properly dealing with him.

The memo could simply be the company covering it's arse but they could still have marked his card.

Strength in numbers, work out a strategy with your other colleagues to not cover his backside/let it become clear to bosses he's NOT pulling his weight and stick to it.

Cauliflowersqueeze Sun 28-Jan-18 10:12:24

It sounds like everyone feels threatened by him.

It’s all very well the boss wanting a job done by a certain time and not caring who does it, but Mr Dickhead is opting out. It’s not fair.
If you or other colleagues feel uncomfortable assigning roles to him then a manager needs to. It can’t be that Dickhead either gets assigned something and doesn’t do it or doesn’t get assigned anything and sits back and relaxes.

Cauliflowersqueeze Sun 28-Jan-18 10:22:44

I don’t believe that he put in a complaint about you.

I think he was called in to speak to the manager and the spineless manager bottled it and didn’t say anything about the issues raised and asked him how he was feeling about things. And then Mr Dickhead said he didn’t really feel part of the team yet and he was wondering how he could get better with people. And Mr Manager told him not to worry, it will come with time. And that was it.

When fellow colleague asked him what he was doing, because Dickhead isn’t remotely interested in being part of the team, he just wants to be protected from doing any work, and because he’s a threatening and master manipulator who enjoys watching other people tip toeing round him, he probably said “yeah, had to have a word with the manager about a couple of people here - not really feeling like I’ve had a warm welcome...” he’d then leave it to the pushover colleague to say “oh who?” Just takes for Mr Dickhead to cock his head in your direction and his defence is set.

He’s a conniving bastard who is only looking out for number one. Of course he’s not going to complain about an individual - far better to talk about himself and his feelings in the hope that the manager won’t address the real issue (and this obviously worked) and then drop a few drops of poison into the ears of a gossipy colleague who he knows is going to pass it on, than face any kind of criticism.

He’s controlling everything.

With the others, I would recommend that you ask for a “work review” to clarify roles and exactly who is doing what. And with each piece of work given, assigned roles with clear expectations of deadlines.

It could also be that he’s not actually competent enough to do the work and is hiding his lack of ability behind all this crap. Or it could be that he’s perfectly competent and just an arsehole.

Charismam Sun 28-Jan-18 10:26:11

Yes a superior asked you for feedback and you provided it.

If you were ''dropped in it'' for providing feedback to a superior who ASKED you for the feedback then that is unprofessional.

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 10:45:00

*I think he was called in to speak to the manager and the spineless manager bottled it and didn’t say anything about the issues raised and asked him how he was feeling about things. And then Mr Dickhead said he didn’t really feel part of the team yet and he was wondering how he could get better with people. And Mr Manager told him not to worry, it will come with time. And that was it.

When fellow colleague asked him what he was doing, because Dickhead isn’t remotely interested in being part of the team, he just wants to be protected from doing any work, and because he’s a threatening and master manipulator who enjoys watching other people tip toeing round him, he probably said “yeah, had to have a word with the manager about a couple of people here - not really feeling like I’ve had a warm welcome...” he’d then leave it to the pushover colleague to say “oh who?” Just takes for Mr Dickhead to cock his head in your direction and his defence is set*

It could also be that he’s not actually competent enough to do the work and is hiding his lack of ability behind all this crap

When I think about it rationally rather than emotionally, this is exactly what I believe.

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 10:47:29

Mental to put both quotes in bold, sorry

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 10:49:09

*meant not mental ffs

TellsEveryoneRealFacts Sun 28-Jan-18 10:49:12

You all need to stop doing his work. If stuff doesn't get done then that is the management's problem not yours.

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 11:11:25

If you were ''dropped in it'' for providing feedback to a superior who ASKED you for the feedback then that is unprofessional

That's a grey area. The deputy manager initiated a conversation about him, kind of 'what do you think of dickhead' , we assumed it was for feedback so we all gave honest replies and examples (deputy manager joined in) but he never actually said it was official feedback. In hindsight it was more like a complaining session.

TheBrilliantMistake Sun 28-Jan-18 12:44:05

Littlemiss, I can only suggest you try to view him like anybody else and treat him the same way (trying to forget you think he's an idiot).
Start afresh if you can.

As others have said, he will eventually be seen for what he is without having to point the finger at him (which can be used against you).

Sometimes, I personally just like to treat it as a bit of a personal test for me too... as a professional, I have to learn to cope with idiots, and set myself a little personal goal to handle them better. Everybody has their own strategy for dealing with it, but that is mine. It helps me.

Littlemissloopylou Sun 28-Jan-18 13:17:24

Thank you TheBrilliantMistake

A lot of good advice and insights into this person. Thank you everyone star

Littlemissloopylou Mon 29-Jan-18 14:45:52

It gets worse.

Went in this morning feeling good with a great attitude. Then everyone gets called into the office separately. Turns out he did make a complaint about me but the boss realised he was covering his arse and wasn't going to do anything about it. However, the member of staff who told me about it (supposedly my friend) who is now friendly with dickhead knew how upset I was and has been to management himself. I've been reassured from the boss that the complaint isn't going anywhere and that the other guy just didn't want anyou backlash from telling me about it but everything just feels horrible. It's like being back at secondary school.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back. My instinct is to hand my notice in sad

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