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How do you stop the bloody arguing?!

(10 Posts)
FlowerPotMum Sat 13-Jan-18 16:37:50

Two girls 10&13. Share a bedroom, have bunk beds which don't come apart. Small house with a old man for a neighbour who is probably as sick of the arguing as I am, poor bloke.
Constantly pushing, shoving, shouting and being awful to each other.
I'm an only child and this is a new hell for me. At other times they're best of friends. They share some interests and share a couple of ( age 10ish) friends. They have lots of time apart and do various clubs and hobbies ( one together, the rest different ones).
I am sick and tired of hearing myself arguing with them about arguing. All we do at the moment is shout, shout and shout louder to be heard. I know this can't carry on, but I am at the end of my tether.
Any advice would be gratefully taken, thank you.

ragged Sat 13-Jan-18 16:39:23

wine x

Redcrayons Sat 13-Jan-18 16:44:26

I take a step back and don't get involved in half the stuff my two argue about.
What are they rowing about?

ATeardropExplodes Sat 13-Jan-18 16:52:50

Stop shouting.

Each time they argue they both lose something which they value. Staying up late is a good one, as obviously they are arguing because they didn't get enough sleep to respect each other today. Tell them at the start of the day that's what is happening from now on.

Each time you hear a shout, scream or thump; they both go to bed 15 mins earlier than usual. Keep track on a whiteboard or notepad in full view. I'd have 'BEDTIME' written on a whiteboard and each time they misbehave quietly cross the time out and write an earlier time below it. Take a photo to remind yourself. Stick to it rigidly until you can stop doing it. And yes, make them go to bed at 5pm if that is what happens. Lights off, phones downstairs, internet off, tv off, no music.

ragged Sat 13-Jan-18 17:06:02

Getting them to Unite against you isn't so crazy a strategy.
Both could stop an argument escalating, so I'm pretty unsympathetic & very rarely take sides.

user1472206348 Sat 13-Jan-18 17:09:38

exactly the same deal here.. i feel your pain

davidbyrneswhitesuit Sat 13-Jan-18 17:22:15

Read Siblings without rivalry - v straightforward, and some really really good techniques. I occasionally overhear my DC using the strategies themselves! (Not always...there are still grumps from time to time, but it all feels less overwhelming, for parents and them!).

FlowerPotMum Sat 13-Jan-18 17:31:08

Brilliant advice, thank you all. In answer to what do they argue about.. everything. Literally anything. I don't take sides, but I often agree with the older one ( moaning that the younger is lazy at tidying and unhelpful!).
I've tried before to punish them both and be really harsh, but they both just hate me instead ( which Iguess is good as it stops them bickering!).
The bed idea is a good one, but they'd end up in bed at 4pm and still be arguing!
I love the idea of 🍷. I need to stop shouting but I just cannot seem to. Sad, but true.
Thank you, and I'll look into that book.

davidbyrneswhitesuit Sat 13-Jan-18 18:06:59

Bless you, it's grim! The book is (appropriately!) the sister publication of How to talk so kids listen, which is also fab. Just enables everyone to communicate in a way that's less incendiary and helps get to the bottom of what's behind the behaviour. Before I sound too smug, I'm still not above telling mine they're driving me bonkers grin

Amoregentlemanlikemanner Sat 13-Jan-18 18:18:25

I was about to recommend exactly the two books! smile

See if you can get original editions (1970s)as the cartoon examples are so funny smile

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