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My husband threatened to 'knife me'.

(226 Posts)
BudgieLover Wed 10-Jan-18 22:53:33

NC as a bit ashamed.

My son and I came home, happy, from Beavers and my husband came downstairs demanding I get the dinner out of the Aga and, "Where's the Anadin?" I know when he's in a mood like this: a self proclaimed 'alpha male' making us all jump around him because of his mood/headache/day at work. (He's only been back since Monday.) The cat is on and on at me, miaowing, and in my haste I can't find the Anadin. He resorts to nurofen and gets a drink. The cat keeps on and on despite being fed before beavers so I clap my hands at him and say (I think I said it, albeit maybe loudly) "Go away."

At which point my husband shouts, literally SHOUTS at the top of his voice about how thoughtless I am, he has a headache, I'm an awful person etc etc how could I? Then he shouts, "I will KNIFE YOU IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN."

I'm thinking it was way too aggressive. It's upset me. It's also upset me that I'm the one running around with school pick ups, beavers and all other clubs and all he had to do was come home and find his own fucking painkillers and go upstairs and leave us alone.

The dog is upset. My son is upset. Both are in bed with me. Luckily my husband just went to the spare room hours ago, but I would have slept elsewhere.

I suppose because I can't talk to anyone for real about this I was looking for your comments, maybe support I guess. Maybe other husbands just lose it in a similar way? Is this a 'normal' marriage thing?

Cat is completely unaware angry

AdalindSchade Wed 10-Jan-18 22:54:57

That is so fucking far from normal. Please don't stay with this awful man. Your son should not be expected to listen to that nasty shit.

Hauntedlobster Wed 10-Jan-18 22:55:02

It is not normal. Take steps to leave this relationship.

DriggleDraggle Wed 10-Jan-18 22:55:40

is your husband threatening to stab you a normal marriage thing?

no.

no it isnt.

it is an abusive marriage thing.

thanks

you dont have to stay if you choose not to. nobody should accept threats and shitty behaviour.

SadnessReigns Wed 10-Jan-18 22:55:56

It’s not normal and you don’t have to put up with it, loving husbands don’t treat their wives like shit and threaten to stab them.
This is abuse and you don’t deserve it.
flowers

TractorTedTed Wed 10-Jan-18 22:55:56

flowers

No, that's not normal sad

He sounds awful. Is he always this aggressive?

EchidnasPhone Wed 10-Jan-18 22:56:29

Urgh. No. Never. Ever. Ever. Is that acceptable! My husband would never. An abusive bully would say that. Has he been like this before?

Chaosofcalm Wed 10-Jan-18 22:56:30

That is not normal and you have done nothing wrong. Please talk to people in real life about this.

WizardOfToss Wed 10-Jan-18 22:57:28

It is very far from normal.

Have you anyone to talk to in RL?

KindDogsTail Wed 10-Jan-18 22:57:50

I am glad you are being peaceful in bed with your DC. No wonder you are upset.

No, other husbands do not behave this way even when they are tired and angry. flowers

Has he been this way before?

milkjetmum Wed 10-Jan-18 22:58:09

Not normal I'm afraid. If he said that at work he'd get fired, why does he think it's ok to talk you you like that. Best case scenario here is an anger management issue he may be able to sort, worse is escalation and you and ds walking on eggshells to avoid outbursts sad flowers

Badeyes77 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:58:13

Fucking hell.

Sorry op, that has shocked me. Me and dh have problems and he loses his temper at times but I don't think he'd say something like that in a million years. And in front of your child too. sad

You poor thing. flowers

You have nothing to be ashamed of here at all. I really think you should leave this man.

ColonelJackONeil Wed 10-Jan-18 22:58:17

Would he act that way at work? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. So he can act normal but chooses to treat his wife and family badly.

DarkStuff Wed 10-Jan-18 22:58:43

The "self proclaimed alpha male making us all jump around him" is abusive on its own.
Threatening to knife you is even worse. This is not normal at all.
flowers sorry he's putting you and your son through this.
Please give women's aid a call. www.womensaid.org.uk/

Longdistance Wed 10-Jan-18 22:59:03

I wouldn’t be looking for the aspirin, I’d be looking for arsenic.

On a serious note, are you safe tonight?

Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:59:28

Leave?! Oh come on. Everyone has rows that’s a bit extreme. He’s got a stinking headache/migraine - I would be pretty pissed off if someone shouted around me too knowing how awful I felt. His choice of words weren’t good but on the op’s post there’s no reason to suggest he actually meant it!

DarkStuff Wed 10-Jan-18 23:00:49

Rainbowsandflowers
Are you the op's husband? confused
Your comments are not helpful.

huha Wed 10-Jan-18 23:01:41

No not at all normal. Don't get me wrong, DH has said some pretty shitty things to me but NEVER threatened my life or to hurt me.

LotsOfLoveAndSarcasm Wed 10-Jan-18 23:01:53

No, a normal person however upset/in pain could have maybe said "you know I'm in pain can you not do that" or something to that effect. But "I'll knife you"????? NO, not normal.

rainbows this isn't just about choice of words.

clumsyduck Wed 10-Jan-18 23:02:07

Umm no I think that's extreme . Maybe a bit of a rant and then an apology when he realised he was been grumpy and unreasonable . But threatening to knife someone really? Shocking !

SealSong Wed 10-Jan-18 23:02:12

This is NOT normal. It is abusive, and emotionally abusive to your son. I can imagine that your son feels very upset and frightened now.

Please tell someone in real life - family or a friend. Speak to Women's Aid.

Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 23:02:45

And would he do it st work is irrelevant - we ALL do things at home we wouldn’t at work - that’s because we aren’t at work. A marriage isn’t a professional relationship.

Yes he was out of order, yes he should apologise to you - in front of your child. But first give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he is ok first?! Maybe he’s really unwell.

DriggleDraggle Wed 10-Jan-18 23:05:33

ive been married nearly 20 years and never been threatened.

and i seriously doubt i am in the minority.

normal people do not threaten to stab you even if they are very cross indeed.

Rainbowsandflowers78 Wed 10-Jan-18 23:05:45

Love, and others, I think a lot of it is in the tone/meaning! I told my husband I would ‘Murder him’ if he ate the last chocolate biscuit when I went to the loo the other day - clearly I’d never be violent with him and it was a joke/ironic saying. All I’m saying is I can imagine this being said this way. And I think the op wasn’t very sympathetic to the fact her oh isn’t well and was clearly in pain.

toocool4cats Wed 10-Jan-18 23:06:01

Perhaps this behaviour has been going on for so long you are beginning to believe it's normal? But no it's definitely not. It's abusive to you and your poor son. When he is calm you must make it clear that you will not tolerate his shit behaviour any longer.

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