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Historical abuse and social services question

(10 Posts)
NCquestion Mon 04-Dec-17 21:02:02

NC for this and posting here so that it disappears.
My father sexually abused me as a child, several occasions that I can actually remember, no rape just other things. I didn’t tell anyone until I was an adult, when I did I wasn’t called a liar outright but everything carried on as normal like he hadn’t done anything so I went no contact and haven’t spoken to family for a few years.
I was referred to counselling and went for the First meeting but didn’t go again.
I’ve never reported this abuse to the police as I felt it was my word against his and being that I was a child it would be hard to prove ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ that he is guilty.
I’ve found out though that a relative now has children who regularly spend time with him and my DM and have gone on holiday/for sleepovers.
So my question is if I ring social services what would happen? Would they ask the relative to not leave children with him unsupervised?
I suppose I’m worried that SC could go there and I’ll be painted as a liar and he will get away with it again,
The relatives 2 DC are around the same age as when it happened to me

NCquestion Mon 04-Dec-17 21:02:25

Sorry didn’t mean for that to be so long

NCquestion Mon 04-Dec-17 22:37:31


Treaclespongeandcustard Mon 04-Dec-17 22:42:05

I'm sorry, I don't know the answer but I didn't want to read and run. I think that you should ring social services and ask for their advice. If that seems too uncertain, could you ring and confide in the relative with children? If I was their mum I would 100% want to know that he had been abusive in the past. Big hugs to you op, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

QuiteLikely5 Mon 04-Dec-17 22:42:57

If you do that then they would certainly have to act upon it. What they could also do is report your allegation to the police as it is so serious. It would be their job to launch a sec 47 investigation and that involves the police.

Please know that if you went to the police directly they are likely to take you very very seriously.

It’s highly likely he is still abusing others (though that is in no way your responsibility)

If you want to avoid the above you could always tell the mother of the kids he is spending time with.

I’m so sorry this happened to you flowers

greyfriarskitty Mon 04-Dec-17 22:43:33

I’m really sorry this happened to you and you deserve to be believed.

But to answer your question, if you don’t tell someone, he will definitely get away with it.

I am no expert at all, but might you be better going to the police first? If they take you seriously - and they should - then social services will have to.

ChasedByBees Mon 04-Dec-17 22:55:16

I would absolutely report this. I believe you.

christinarossetti Mon 04-Dec-17 22:57:37

I'm sorry that you were abused.

I would call the NSPCC and ask their advice tbh. They'll also be able to offer you some support.

NCquestion Tue 05-Dec-17 10:25:03

Thank you everyone, I am building up to speak to the police but it just feels like such a big step, I don’t really want to go down the whole court route, just because there seems to be so many cases where it is hard to prove it but I would like something on record so if anyone else had concerns at least they could be backed up, if that makes sense.
The relative definitely knows what happened but I don’t know whether she believes it or not.
I don’t want to cause any trouble in the family as I don’t have contact with any of them anymore but I just couldn’t live with myself if another child was hurt and I could’ve prevented it

HostofDaffodils Tue 05-Dec-17 10:29:23

Dear NC - My suggestion is that you ring an advice line that specialises in support for survivors of abuse. In some areas they may be able to refer you to people who would accompany you to the police and support you through the reporting process. There will be different support organisations depending on where you live,

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