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Relationship problems with my mother again

(18 Posts)
Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 20:40:15

My mum and I are increasingly at loggerheads - except I'm not reacting (much) to her and mostly keeping a silent and my answers are non commital. I know that looks a bit weird and awkward and childish but it means there are no arguementa at least.

Just been at church for an Erving service. My mum doesn't go to church but comes when she stays with us as her GC sings in the choir

The are 4 of us sitting in the pew (DH, DM me and DC ) so I'm sitting next to my mum.

At the point in the service "peace be with you" you shake hands with your immediate neighbours - so I hold out my hand and she deliberately side swerves me and shakes my DC and just leaves me hanging...

I carry on as normal but the awkwardness is palpable...

What would you do / now we are home ?

TroelsLovesSquinkies Sun 12-Nov-17 20:59:56

Ignore her she's trying to get a rise out of you.

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:04:57

I don't think she really wants an argument

I just think she is bitter and just can't put things behind her and move on. Which is what I do.

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:05:46

Anyway she's kind of won as she's sat downstairs and I'm up here in my bedroom alone.

speakout Sun 12-Nov-17 21:13:14

How old are you Kattymanners ?

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:16:01

Fairly old grin

Mother is 75

speakout Sun 12-Nov-17 21:18:16

Why do you need approval from your mother?

You sound around 14.

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:19:17

< shrug >

Movablefeast Sun 12-Nov-17 21:21:14

Speakout we always care what our parents think - it is very normal.

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 12-Nov-17 21:22:48

Speakout that’s just a silly thing to say. Who wouldn’t be hurt by their own mother refusing to shake their hand. That’s a very emotive rejection.

speakout Sun 12-Nov-17 21:24:09

Movablefeast many of us really don''t need our parent's approval. I really don't care how my mother judges me.

RemainOptimistic Sun 12-Nov-17 21:26:08

Honestly what are you hoping for from a 75 year old? In the nicest possible way, if she was going to change for the better it would have already happened.

You have my sympathy OP. But I think you need to think about things a bit more seriously in terms of the end of DM's life and how you're going to cope. Do you need to confront her now? Or are you prepared to let things go unsaid? Sorry to be blunt but your life will go on, and there's little point carrying an emotional burden like this.

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 12-Nov-17 21:27:04

Well that sounds dysfunctional speakout, I don’t think you should take out your personal feelings on the OP. There is absolutely nothing immature in being hurt by what the OP’s mother did. She does not ‘sound 14’.

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:28:59

I'm learning to care less.

I think such a public display of immaturity on her part says more about her than me.

mrwalkensir Sun 12-Nov-17 21:29:23

head over to the Stately Homes threads in Relationships Kattymanners - that's where you'll find those who have narcissistic parents - it's not you, it's them. Those who don't have them have no idea. Good luck and all the best surfacing xxx

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:35:17

I don't think she's going to change. At. All.

I think my dad who died 5 years ago was a saint and really kept her under check. He wouldn't have put up with the behaviour.

Honestly... at this moment I wouldn't shed any tears. And I don't think that's a normal reaction to have.

Kattymanners Sun 12-Nov-17 21:35:54

I think I will have a lurk on that thread...thanks

mikeyssister Tue 14-Nov-17 21:43:09

Very Christian attitude your mother has.

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