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Moving into council housing/ secret debt

(42 Posts)
panicmodeenabled Wed 08-Nov-17 09:41:02

Please help,
I've just had a phone call saying that we've been chosen for a council house- yay! No more sleeping in the front room!
Unfortunely they want details of any debts.
I have a meeting Friday with the lady organising this, to do a pre tenancy assesment.
My partner does not know about my debts.
Will he find out through this?
I'm going to the meeting alone so I can have that discussion with them then.
But major panic atm, I've been working my ass off to try and get these debts under control, if he found out he'd probably leave me. The debt isn't frugal spending, it's simply food and bits and bobs over the past few years to get us by. I should have told him from the start but every arguement is about money and every time I plan on telling him I chicken out. I feel like I'm close to having this all organised without him knowing but if the council tell him I'm stuffed :/

Advice please. I know I've done seriously wrong but I am trying to fix it all.

fannyfelcher Wed 08-Nov-17 09:44:11

Why on earth are you loving in with a man that you feel you can't be honest with? Is the tenancy going to be in your name or joint ( I would go with just yours if you have children)

I am in a council house and they have never asked for proof of debts, but I am assuming that its going to be a basic income/expenditure chart. So as long as you can pay the rent and all your bills on paper then you should be fine.

Bluntness100 Wed 08-Nov-17 09:44:50

I’m guessing they wish to work out if the rent is affordable and if you will pass any credit checks.

Is it and will you?

If you already know you should tell him, why don’t you do it now? I know it’s hard but I do think you need to be honest with him.

fannyfelcher Wed 08-Nov-17 09:44:53

loving in = moving in, obviously.

panicmodeenabled Wed 08-Nov-17 09:47:56

Yes all bills are covered, council rent will be £200 cheaper than our rent now.
So will be better off once moved.
Tenancy will be joint. He wants his name on it too.

fannyfelcher Wed 08-Nov-17 09:53:41

You really do need to think long and hard about the tenancy being n joint names. You say "every argument is about money". The fact that you indicate this is a sore point in your relationship needs to be addressed before you move. Tell him to either back off or come to some sort of financial agreement.

Bluntness100 Wed 08-Nov-17 09:56:45

Why should she tell him to back off? She calls it arguments, which in my book takes two. We’ve no idea what the content of their arguments are, he could be justified.

Op, if it’s more than affordable I don’t think I’d be too concerned. I wouldn’t though tell the person it’s secret debt, I think that might raise alarm bells on the state of the relationship and its longevity.

specialsubject Wed 08-Nov-17 13:24:18

Living with a man you are frightened of never ends well. Is he not adult enough to be a real partner, or are you scared of violence?

panicmodeenabled Wed 08-Nov-17 15:07:59

My last relationship was violent. Nothing extreme but I was scared and I think I've carried that fear over. DP & I do argue a lot over money and it has become physical once or twice.
I know he'd just focus on the fact that I've kept it secret...and then he'd go.
IDK how I really feel about that. It'd be nice not to keep this burden secret.
But would him leaving change my eligibility for a house?!

specialsubject Wed 08-Nov-17 16:59:42

Hope not, but it sounds like it would make your life so much better. I see no 'dear' and no 'partner'. What's the point?

district Wed 08-Nov-17 17:02:43

I’m never one to scream ‘LTB’, but from your posts it sounds as though you need to take a look at the bigger picture (ie your relationship) here.

endofthelinefinally Wed 08-Nov-17 17:03:32

Oh my goodness. So many red flags.
Please stop and think.
I think you should not have his name on the tenancy.
Do you have chikdren with him?
Assume you are not married or in civil partnership?

chocdog Wed 08-Nov-17 17:08:59

DP & I do argue a lot over money and it has become physical once or twice. You should not be moving in with a man who gets physical in arguments. Do you mean he shoves you and hits you? This will get worse. Please don't move in wth him.

panicmodeenabled Thu 09-Nov-17 09:05:29

We don't have kids together- I have a 3YO from my previous relationship- the violent one.
Not married or anything.
I'm going to talk to the lady doing the pre-tenancy assessment tomorrow, I'm obviously going to tell her about the debts just fingers crossed it doesn't get mentioned again.
I need to ask her whether its necessary to have his name on the tenancy. He wants his name on though. I can understand were he's coming from.
Chocdog- Not really, it's both of us. Sometimes he has chased and pushed me, but I do stick up for myself more nowadays. I don't think it'll get worse, we're both just stressed, overworked and skint. Not to mention squashed into a tiny house!

MrsJayy Thu 09-Nov-17 09:11:31

Please don't go joint tenancy with this man sign the tenancy there and then you are on pins thinking he will leave you that isn't healthy and if you do seperate you will be fighting him over your home. Your debt is probably usual for the housing officer it is just life

MrsJayy Thu 09-Nov-17 09:13:46

Your child is the most important person here not him wanting on a tenancy agreement he can still live with you.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 09-Nov-17 09:23:09

He chases and pushes you?! Wow that is not ok, really really not. Nor is you getting violent ok. Is that what you want to model to your daughter? Speak to the council about getting this property just for you and dd.

ijustwannadance Thu 09-Nov-17 09:30:30

I wouldn't put him on tenency either. Much harder to get rid of him then.
Think about security for your DD. Once in you'll hopefully be able to clear your debts.

gamerchick Thu 09-Nov-17 09:34:23

Don’t put him on the tenancy, you can have him down as living there though. If he’s on the tenancy what’s stopping him booting you out?

Don’t worry about the debt question, they’re not there to judge you or anything. (Bizarre though to even ask).

mustbemad17 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:40:03

I was told you had to have your OH on the tenancy if they moved in (might vary with council) so not putting him down might cause a problem. I had to do similar with debts; it was literally just to make sure I could afford the place comfortably so I wouldn't worry too much. I never got any paperwork or anything with any of my debt info written on it from the council once it was done

chocdog Thu 09-Nov-17 09:42:37

Sometimes he has chased and pushed me. Please don't put him on the tenancy. Just move in with your DD. He is not a good enough man to live with you and your daughter. You don't think it will get worse, but it will. You will have more stressful times in the future, everyone does. This man is not good. You are scared of him. So your daughter must be too.

specialsubject Thu 09-Nov-17 09:44:53

Even if you lose the house - lose the man. Raise your standards.

NewBrian Thu 09-Nov-17 09:46:31

Is he the father of your children? Do you currently have a joint tenancy? They just want to know you can afford the rent, see if you qualify for housing benefit etc. They won’t care your in debt and your partner won’t find out, I certainly didn’t find out about my ex owing thousands when we got ours, we just had to show recent bank statements and pay slips.

NewBrian Thu 09-Nov-17 09:49:31

Just read your latest post. DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TENANCY! My ex is still on mine years later, it’s a nightmare getting them off. Im sure the council won’t want him on there if he isn’t the father as they then have a duty to him, new partners usually just go on as a non dependant (like a lodger), not joint tenants.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 09-Nov-17 09:51:52

If you take him off the application it might change your "date" so where you are on the list but not your eligibility. I assume you've getting a 2 bed so that's because you have DS.

If you moved in and broke up, he wouldn't be eligible for it alone so you would most likely be awarded it but they couldn't make him leave if he won't.

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