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Unwanted attention at work

(17 Posts)
Figroller Mon 06-Nov-17 18:58:10

I work in an open plan office and there is this guy in another department who is a bit of a letch. It started with him being friendly but he then started making inappropriate comments.

I can handle a bit of a banter and we have had a laugh in the past but he makes me feel really uncomfortable. I have to pass him everytime I leave our area which is quite often. He will often follow me to the kitchen if he sees me in there.

This has been going on far too long - but he does not behave this way all the time which makes it worse in a way as you do not know what to expect.

He always notices what I am wearing and if I have a new item of clothing, shoes or jewellery and makes a comment. I dread wearing something new. He will say things like " you are so beautiful". I know he realises he is making me feel uncomfortable as he has passed comments on my body language after he says things before.

I dont know how to handle this. He commented on me leaving early today and I lost my rag and shouted at him. I have started being really blunt and rude towards him hoping he gets the hint, but I know tomorrow he will be asking me if I'm ok and apologising when really I just wish he would not bother talking to me at all.

I don't want to upset the apple cart but I feel like I am going to explode soon. Other people have noticed his behaviour and he does do it to other women too but perhaps not as extreme as he us with me.

moneeque90 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:05:10

You have to speak to somebody at work about this as it is making you very uncomfortable. Hopefully, whoever you do speak to may have a word because if the situation escalates further he can get into big trouble. His behaviour is worrying and I hope you find the courage to speak to somebody.

AlternativeTentacle Mon 06-Nov-17 19:13:09

Go to your manager tomorrow and speak to them and ask them to either sort it or tell you how to put a grievance in.

Figroller Mon 06-Nov-17 19:25:53

It sounds trivial when I read it back and I just want to be sure I am not making it into something its not. My manager is really supportive and I know he would back me fully but I just dont want to make things awkward between our 2 teams.

He has never touched me but sometimes I have been scared he will. He makes crude comments as well. He makes me feel sick.

Ttbb Mon 06-Nov-17 19:28:46

Just asking in a very haughty voice 'hasn't your mother ever told you that it's terribly rude to make comments about a woman's appearance if you're not shagging them?'

Figroller Mon 06-Nov-17 19:29:24

He has had a lot of problems at home and has even cried to me before. I feel as though people may think i bought this on myself. He is married and I am too, very happily. He is not at all attractive to me.

user1497863568 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:30:49

He’s a creep. Report him.

BrowsOnFleek Mon 06-Nov-17 19:31:10

This reads to me as sexual harassment. Speak to your manager and get it nipped in the bud before it escalates. Don’t worry about upsetting the Apple cart - this is important and shouldn’t be overlooked.

Figroller Mon 06-Nov-17 19:31:26

ttbb I wish I had the backbone to say something like that. Although I dread to think what his answer would be.

CandleLit Mon 06-Nov-17 19:32:22

Agree with others. Get your manager in the loop and give concrete examples of the behaviour you want to stop an what you have done so far to deal with it informally.

specialsubject Mon 06-Nov-17 19:34:14

Report first thing tomorrow. You are not over reacting, the behaviour is getting beyond inappropriate towards threatening.

AngelaTwerkel Mon 06-Nov-17 19:35:20

It doesn't sound trivial to me. Please report it. You can't work in that kind of environment.

SomePpl Mon 06-Nov-17 19:37:39

Speak to a manager asap- he will not listen to you or get your hints obvious or not. I'm afraid these type of people will push as much as they can.

thestuffofnightmares Mon 06-Nov-17 19:45:38

I'd call that harrassment tbh. Poor you-
what a difficult situation to be in. Speak to your manager- if they are as good as you say they'll work out what to do with your full input. Good luck xxx

Figroller Mon 06-Nov-17 19:57:15

Thank you I needed to hear that. I hate making a fuss but this has gone on far too long.

TammySwansonTwo Fri 10-Nov-17 14:32:57

Doesn't sound trivial at all, this is absolutely harassment. And this is the perfect time to raise it as every company is suddenly having to look very hard at their handling of this issue. He knows it's making you uncomfortable but thinks he can get away with it. Don't let him.

Wolfiefan Fri 10-Nov-17 14:35:35

"I can handle a bit of banter" But you shouldn't. Don't engage in this. It mixes messages.
Never mind body language. You say it's not acceptable.

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