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Stopping sex before he finishes

(18 Posts)
CocoDeMoll Mon 30-Oct-17 21:36:20

Sorry, had no idea where to post this!!
AIBU and Sex topic seem a bit perv heavy.
I'm pregnant and had a pretty serious bleed a few weeks back. Since then I've been really funny about sex. Dh has been patient and hasn't pressured me at all but he is a bloke after all and has a high sex drive. Not pressured but I've agreed to try a few times but half the times I've stopped half way through because I haven't felt comfy or in the moment. I'm still worried I'll start bleeding again but this hasn't happend. He's been decent about it but obviously leaving him a bit frustrated isn't ideal.

Is it better just not to do it unless I'm feeling 100% there or would you keep trying and hope the problem resolved itself? I feel like if I just leave it, the issue will become bigger than it needs to be and if we keep trying gently I will eventually be reassured it won't happen again. But on the other hand it's not fair on either of us to start and then just stop.

snackarella Mon 30-Oct-17 21:45:49

How many weeks pregnant are you?

CocoDeMoll Mon 30-Oct-17 21:48:54

15 now. I was just about 12 when I had the bleed.

Moussemoose Mon 30-Oct-17 21:49:09

Do you actually want to have sex?

If you don't want to tell him "no" and he can sort himself out.

CocoDeMoll Mon 30-Oct-17 21:49:48

I had an emergency scan the next day followed by the booked Nuchal a week later and both shows a happy baby and not bleeding.

CocoDeMoll Mon 30-Oct-17 21:51:14

I want to for our relationship and because it's a nice coupley thing to do but I can't say I'm really in the mood. It has 'worked' for us since on a couple of occasions.

YouLittleWally Mon 30-Oct-17 21:59:54

Me and DH didn’t have sex I once with either pregnancy. His choice not mine but I was glad of the break. He just felt it wasn’t “right” x

Flisspaps Mon 30-Oct-17 22:01:33

“but he is a bloke after all”

I don’t understand this.

If you’re not in the mood, don’t do it - and certainly not out of some misplaced thought that he needs sex because he’s make. Sex isn’t sexy if both parties aren’t genuinely enthusiastic about it.

CocoDeMoll Mon 30-Oct-17 22:10:49

I know what's normal for a couple during pregnancy varies massively so I'm not worried about 'keeping up'.

I want things (me) to feel how I usually do and I don't want the bleed to affect what is an important part of our relationship. By that comment fliss I just meant he's a typical horny male. I know he's not entitled to sex or any skewed ideas like that.

PickAChew Mon 30-Oct-17 22:14:10

He can finish off in other ways. You have every right not to have PIV sex if you're not comfortable with it, either physically or emotionally.

snackarella Mon 30-Oct-17 22:15:59

I’m just at 30 weeks and it’s so
Uncomfortable I don’t think we will bother. It does annoy me because I miss it but maybe leave it a few weeks and see how you feel.
The 20 weeks scan will be further reassurance x

MamaOfTwos Mon 30-Oct-17 22:17:28

How about other things rather than penetrative sex? Foreplay etc can be erotic in more ways than PIV

CocoDeMoll Mon 30-Oct-17 22:20:05

I know that pick but it's hard to to feel guilty and like your rejecting them however nice he is about it. And he has been nice about it.

I wish I could have another scan now!! It's that gap between the scan and when you first feel movements that gets the anxiety going. The strange thing is this is my second and we had no issues like this throughout my last pregnancy. I think tiredness plays a big part as well as the bleeding grin

Voice0fReason Mon 30-Oct-17 23:02:53

You don't need to have PIV to enjoy a good sex life!
Do other things to maintain the physical closeness. Of course he can live without sex, but most relationships suffer if there is a long-term absence of physical intimacy. This isn't just the pregnancy, birth and baby exhaustion mean that sex is a low priority for many women. Find a way, that is enjoyable for both of you, to have some kind of physical relationship.

juddyrockingcloggs Tue 31-Oct-17 07:47:44

I bled all the way through my pregnancy due to one thing or another. Because it was assisted conception and a high risk pregnancy I just didn’t want to risk it so we didn’t have sex all the way through! However, i do believe that intimacy has a large part in a loving relationship (for us anyway) and so, well there is more than one way to skin a cat!

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Tue 31-Oct-17 08:46:44

If you're in the mood enough to start, but are not feeling it, you can finish him off in other ways - If he's anything like my DP, a 5 minute hand job will be just as welcome. Or he can do it himself. Contrary to popular belief, a man won't explode if he doesn't release himself on a regular basis. He's a grown up and can work it out. You have enough to worry about without making this your problem. If you feel like having sex, then do - you are allowed to change your mind at any point, including half way through.

Flisspaps Tue 31-Oct-17 10:57:12

What Feedme said.

Saz432 Fri 10-Nov-17 15:58:56

We stop having PIV sex before my husband finishes pretty much every time - he could go on for hours (which admittedly we sometimes do, with breaks obviously!) so we continue until I / we want to stop. Plenty of other ways to finish the job!

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