Advanced search
Threads in this topic will auto-delete 30 days after the OP is posted. Threads posted here are visible to search engines and will appear in Active discussions until they are auto-deleted.

Would you contact an ex you have been thinking about for over 10 years?

(64 Posts)
Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:25:39

We split up along time ago but he has been on my mind alot. More so now that I have spoken to his friend (at the time) from what he has said he is single but he is no longer as close to him. He has is own life we have all grown up etc.
Do you think he will think I'm weird if I try to get back in contact with him after all this time?
He may not of thought of me once.
It would also be good to hear a man's perspective on this smile women's aswell obvs.
I just don't want to look like a stalker or weird etc.
What would you do or what do you think of this?

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:26:53

Just to add I'm not obsessed or been thinking of him non stop for over 10 years. I just thought about him on and over over this time. More so recently.

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:27:18

On and off*

PinkHeart5914 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:29:06

It was 10 years ago, just leave the past where it belongs.

Yes I’d think you weird to get in touch now

dinnerdatedisaster Mon 30-Oct-17 16:33:30

After my dad split up from my mum, he got back in contact with his ex gf from about 20 years before. They have now been married for 20 years.

I’d go for it. As long as you go in with an open mind and no expectations of what will happen. What have you got to lose?

dinnerdatedisaster Mon 30-Oct-17 16:34:01

Are you single?

Stillpissingdown Mon 30-Oct-17 16:36:31

If your both single go for it

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:41:57

@dinnerdatedisaster I beleive it can happen that way too. If an ex contacted me after 10 or 20 years I wouldn't think it was weird at all. But I know everyone is different and some people don't like to take chances. I've got nothing to lose I suppose.

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 16:43:38

I'm single and I assume he's single. I did look on his fb page and it said single but I don't think he uses it anymore.
So now I don't know how I would get in contact with him.
Any help? smile

dinnerdatedisaster Mon 30-Oct-17 16:44:41

How did things end? Obviously if it was an awful break up then maybe not! An ex of mine who had been abusive throughout our 3 year relationship tried to get back in contact about 10 years after we split up. I ignored his email. But i have got bacon contact with other exes (mainly via fb) for no other reason than to catch up again and say hello and that’s been fine.

SpringSnowdrop Mon 30-Oct-17 16:45:20

If you’re single and maybe say something like seeing x reminded me of you and I thought I’d say hi? I think there’d be nothing lost. But I’d go in with a relaxed attitude just as if any friend you’d not seen in ages

dinnerdatedisaster Mon 30-Oct-17 16:45:26

Back in contact, not bacon contact!!

SpringSnowdrop Mon 30-Oct-17 16:46:19

Sorry crossed post. What about asking a mutual friend who’d have his number if there is anyone and just say you wanted to say hi then text him?

MrsExpo Mon 30-Oct-17 16:48:26

I'm married to an "ex" who I hadn't seen for 15 years. During that time I had married and divorced my first husband. I'd say go for it. The worst that can happen is he ignores you. Try messaging hm through FB. He may not post status updates but he might read messages. Good luck .....

whoareyoukidding Mon 30-Oct-17 16:49:11

I personally wouldn't. You're not the same now as you were then. Do you think there's something missing in your current life that is making you look to the past? I don't think it's fair to perhaps expect a ghost from the past to offer solutions to things about your current life.

On the other hand, if you're both free you could try to contact him, so long as you have zero expectations.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 30-Oct-17 16:57:16

Can I asked what caused you to split up in the first place?

Also be prepared that while it could be brilliant it could also be terrible. I reunited with an ex after 10 plus years of pining and thinking he was the 'one that got away' and it was a complete disaster, just meant I found out he was a selfish, lazy idiot and I had wasted years of my life pining for him. But hey, at least I know now!

Dozer Mon 30-Oct-17 17:00:43

As long as he was a nice guy then there’s no harm in a FB or Linked In message.

Does he live relatively near you? If not meeting up or dating (if it went well!) would be a PITA.

Thinking of him often over the years doesn’t necessarily mean anything deep though - it’s a pleasant memory / fantasy.

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 17:00:53

It wasn't a bad ending. I was young he was older. I think I was just too young to be in a serious relationship back then.
I have zero expectations but as you said I have nothing to lose also.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 30-Oct-17 17:02:33

In that case I'd say go for it. My only regret is wasting time and energy pining for him and not doing anything about it sooner. I could have found out he was a twat years before!!! grin

MadameBonfire Mon 30-Oct-17 17:08:36

I contacted an ex (fiance) after 20 years. We are in touch and close friends. He is single, I'm not. I was also contacted by an old flame 40 years after we split up. we met once for dinner. It was okay but we didn't have much in common. I think it was something he had to get out of his system.

If you are both single, why not? Go for it.

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 17:10:46

I would send him an fb message but I'm sure he doesn't use it or hasn't logged in for a long time. We don't have any mutual friends anymore apart from one who is not in contact with him anymore.
But I'm sure he knows lots of people still in contact with him. But is that to far fetched?

Mamabear4180 Mon 30-Oct-17 17:11:58

When you were young you weren't into him, the chances are you wouldn't be now. I think it's easy to look back with rose tinted glasses but the skeptic in me says it will be a waste of your energy. However if you're both single and you have zero expectations then it doesn't matter if you make contact, except maybe you'll end up breaking his heart for a 2nd time?

Skyatdawn998 Mon 30-Oct-17 17:12:39

I'm worried there is no way to go about this with out looking like a stalker grinblush
It would be alot easier if he still had access to his fb but u don't think he does.

FiddleWiddiRiddim Mon 30-Oct-17 17:12:52

Hmmm, I don't know.

I think it's a bit weird. My ex contacted me via LinkedIn 8 years after we split up with a "Hi, you popped up on my timeline" type message. Our break-up was horribly messy (we'd been together for three years and I binned him by text a week into university after he'd changed universities and degree courses to be with me blush ).

TBH, I thought it was a bit strange and just an excuse to let me know how well he was doing.

Dozer Mon 30-Oct-17 17:21:32

He may just be a FB lurker. One message on social media isn’t stalking!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now