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to feel pathetic for my age?

(26 Posts)

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hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:07:05

I am 40. I should be like a spring chicken. I bear more resemblance to a sloth on sleeping tablets.
I have just this evening watched Strictly Come Dancing where Debbie Magee at 56 I think, would outrun me by a country mile. Even Ruth Langsford who is 50ish, showed me completely up.
Then I'm watching Jonathan Ross and one of my legends has been on - Tina Turner. That woman must be 80?

I was in ICU in a coma this year for two weeks and when I came out I had no strength in my legs and couldn't walk for a few days. I can now walk and do stairs, but I feel so fucking weak!

On the plus side, I got positive news today as I will now be having very specialist therapy starting within 8 weeks (mental health type).

I used to bloody run 10k just 3 years ago. Now my legs won't move if I try to run for a bus and I almost collapse.

I suffer from mental illness and (learned a new word today) a comorbid physical condition (two of them).

Is there any hope for me to pull this back again?

I surprised the physicians by my swift recovery from ICU. They were expecting me to be in hospital for months, not days, so I must have some strength in me somewhere. I've just so many intermingled conditions I feel life has cheated me a bit. Or maybe I've cheated the circumstances of my life, depending on how you look at it perhaps.

My physical health is really deteriorating recently and I'm hoping I can start on a recovery path soon, but I just feel so bloody pathetic compared to some women?

Anyone else?

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:08:04

Or more importantly has anyone battled both psychiatric and physical conditions and come out fighting the other side after treatment?

Neverender Sat 28-Oct-17 23:11:15

Nothing insightful to add but you sound like you’ve done amazingly well to get back on your feet so quickly flowers

Gibble1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:13:23

It takes a fit well person around 18 months to recover after a stay in ITU so don’t be too hard on yourself. Things will return but you were critically ill and you need time to recover from that. You will have had significant muscle deterioration and you can’t just click your fingers and get that back straight away.
It’s good that you will be starting intensive therapy. Something positive to look forward to, no?

RJnomore1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:15:44

Oh love what a lot you have been through.

I have no real experience but I would suggest you ask for a physio referral. They should be able to give you strengthening exercises to work on that are fight for your physical issue. I don't know what your mental health problem is but I can't think of anything that would be made worse by physical health improving?


TentUpFirstBunkUpLater Sat 28-Oct-17 23:17:07


Really - that long? My goodness I had no idea. How do you know that?

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:19:18

Thanks for that. I never went to the follow up from ICU meeting and probably should have (I've agoraphobia amongst other things). DP waxed lyrical about 'oh they told me you'd have that - they gave me a leaflet on that' in the early days. 'Well you fucking twit, might the information not have been more useful to ME than you you fucking idiot'. Oh but he was so stressed blah blah and forgot to bring the leaflets. Side note: I've recently shed 12 stone of lazy man, so that's another positive.
Oh I'll do a DellBoy. This time next year I might be passing you out jogging around the park.

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater Sat 28-Oct-17 23:19:20

@hiddley sorry hope you feel better soon flowers

RJnomore1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:21:34

You are so far from pathetic

You're a survivor just to be here

👮👷🏻‍♀️💂🏻‍♀️🕵🏼🎩👒🎓that's all the hats off to uou

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:28:30

I think my ex had a form of Munchausens. He seemed to love the attention he got from everyone for me being sick. Makes me so fucking angry. angry
I have a lifetime of issues to bombard poor therapist with when it does start but the therapy is specific to my particular condition.
Oh feck it, I've taken enough shit, I can take it if you judge me for this, but it's IMPART. It's specialist therapy for people with a personality disorder (borderline or EUPD in my case) and a comorbid substance misuse.
I've been sober several times before for months and constantly relapse but have never had therapy for EUPD and I think that's what has tripped me up in recovery despite my best efforts.
My liver is also in trouble and it was the hepatologist (SP?) who got me bumped up the list for this therapy.
Just hope my health holds out until therapy starts and I can make a strong effort at recovery from the demon drink.

HandbagCrazy Sat 28-Oct-17 23:29:00

OP I don’t have your experience but 10 years ago (ish) I spent 6 weeks in hospital, 3 of them in ICU. I was not particularly fit before I went in but it took a long time to feel back to my own level of fitness again.

The doctor explained to me that your muscles etc basically lose their strength a lot faster than it takes to regain it. So my six weeks in a bed (and another 3 moving only from bed to sofa / bathroom and back) lost me enough strength that it took a year to get back to where I started.

It is frustrating when your body just won’t do what you want it to, and your physical health can have a huge impact on your mental health too.
I had never had mental health issues before but while I was recovering I suffered with a bout of mild depression which was related to essentially watching life move on around me while I was stuck - I couldn’t move into a new job / do any training / socialise while people around me were plugging forward. It was hard.

Take a breathe OP, you’re doing brilliantly. You’ve had the strength to get rid of a rubbish partner and to survive your stint in ICU. Your body needs time to heal, much more time than you realise. Help it by eating well, resting a lot and following doctors orders regarding your recovery flowers

Gibble1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:37:03

@TentUp: We we’re having a discussion at work one day when I used to work on ITU and one of the Consultants said that there had been many studies showing this. Mind boggling really.
@hiddley: You’re getting on the right path. Just be kind to yourself xx

TheSnowFairy Sat 28-Oct-17 23:37:23

Tbf Debbie Magee is a bit of a wonder,
most 50 somethings and 40 and 30 are not capable of that wink

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:38:52

Handbag, I feel like there is young me inside my body, like a child trapped by a parent who won't bring them out. My mind wants to be doing everything but my body (and addiction) won't bloody let me do anything. So frustrating. Feeling positive after getting the post today.

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:40:14

TheSnowFairy she was bloody brilliant wasn't she!

RJnomore1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:41:54

Im absolutely not judging

I'm quite in awe to be honest

I think the physio referral might be good though. I think doing something physically positive might help you.

I wish you all the luck in the world, self made or otherwise.

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:45:56

Oh I know people on this thread won't judge, but in a month's time some gobshite will search through my posts when I disagree with them and declare to everyone that she has BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. You know yourself what it's like on here.

Timefortea99 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:46:22

You sound like you been through so much. Who wouldn't be laid low after all that? Choose one thing and then slowly, with baby steps, improve yourself. Slowly, carefully, positively. Just vow to do positive things for your body and health. A long journey but small consistent steps and you will get somewhere better.

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:48:21

Psychiatrist has recommended trying to just walk for 10 minutes twice a week (I don't really leave the house) to start with. Recovery is slowed more by my agoraphobia than anything else really.

RJnomore1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:48:22

It's nothing to be ashamed of though. If I'm right it tends to develop from trauma and you don't inflict trauma on yourself.

I do understand though, it's hard to have something out there. There's things I don't say or admit although it's a supposedly anonymous site.

If it really concerns can you ask to be moved to chat or 30 days only so it isn't always there?

Crispbutty Sat 28-Oct-17 23:49:24

Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes time to recover and it sounds like you are doing incredibly well flowers

RJnomore1 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:49:47

I wonder if a physio could come to you. A private one would but not sure about NHS.

I feel like I'm labouring the physio point but I've always found them fantastic to understand your limitations and push you just enough to make progress.

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:53:09

Timefortea I'm an all or nothing type of person. Baby steps don't work for me at all. I'm either a domestic goddess on steroids running 10k daily or I'm a mess who can't leave the house. Maybe this therapy can get me somewhere near 'normal'. grin

hiddley Sat 28-Oct-17 23:54:58

RJ. Thanks. Might get it moved.

editingfairy Sun 29-Oct-17 00:07:30

Best of luck to you! And I agree that you could try to aim for a middle ground instead of all or nothing...

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