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Feel I'm letting DD down.

(12 Posts)
FlyingJellyfishintheAttic Tue 30-May-17 15:28:00

She is 1 year old. All the other mums I know have all these amazing things planned with their babies all the time, going to different groups etc and seem so on top of things.

I looked this week, it's half term and the one I did find she was asleep so I couldn't take her. She won't eat anything apart from porridge and yoghurt and I'm worried she isn't getting enough, she screams if I put her down, won't sleep until 10pm, wakes up at 7am and her long nap this morning is a rarety. Most of the time she won't sleep more than 20 min and she wakes throughout the night.

I am really struggling to keep up. I'm either at work 12.5 hours or I'm with her on my own whilst DH at work. I have no family nearby. things feel crap, I feel like a bad mum and worried I am lettnig her down. I can't even keep on top of dishes or feeding myself.

Mummmy2017 Tue 30-May-17 15:41:40

Please don't beat yourself up about this, I never took mine to toddler things till they were moving around, people never tell you the true state of their homelifes so what you see isn't the whole truth.

Your a loving mother who would rather play with your baby than have a perfect house, and the sleep ,well once she is moving around she will be more tired, It's summer and she will be on the go a lot soon. Walking will tire her out, so you will find by xmas so much has changed in your lifes, enjoy her wanting you, as soon she will be into everything...

lornathewizzard Tue 30-May-17 15:44:40

You're not letting her down.

Firstly comparison is the thief of joy. I am one of those mums who puts pictures up on fb of activities etc. Why? Because I have family who don't get to see them often. Does it mean I have my shit together? No. Did I put pictures up yesterday of us slobbing about in the house all day? No!

If you want to take her more places then do for sure. But don't feel you have to. My nearly 3 year old is still excited by the supermarket cafe!

Sort out what you want to change and tackle one thing at a time

newmumwithquestions Tue 30-May-17 15:50:47

Don't think you must take her out to groups all the time. Sit and read a book with her, take her to the library and let her choose her own book, take her to your local park.

Today I let my 2.5 year old help me clean the kitchen floor. It was a very soggy experience but she loved it (God knows why). She had much more fun than she did yesterday when we took them swimming. Often we over complicate what we think we should be doing with them.

Radishal Tue 30-May-17 15:56:07

Ignore competitive parenting bollocks. Sing and play and read and go for walks and whatever.
Make sure you make a bit of time for you and don't feel guilty about it.
And fussy eating..? Dd is 10 and we are beginning to crack that one.
Vitamin drops.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 30-May-17 16:00:27

Don't beat yourself up about this at all.

People only talk about the great stuff they're doing (or take pictures of it) when it happens. How it goes as planned is another story altogether!

Babies do survive without a busy calendar. I remember telling my mother about all the activities I had "planned" to do with my Dd at that age and she looked at me incredulously and said, "Why? What for?" Keeping babies busy is a relatively new idea.

You're feeding her, comforting her, watching her grow and paying attention to her needs and development. Those are the only and most important things you need to do!

PlugUgly1980 Tue 30-May-17 16:18:27

I forced myself to go to baby groups and stuff with my first because I thought that's what everyone did, but they're just not my thing. With my second I felt much more relaxed and didn't bother with groups at all. We played at home, or he watched me do the housework, etc. Nothing overly exciting as I'm not very creative, but he was content. I decided it didn't matter if I watched trashy day time TV and we chilled at home, he didn't know any different. I was much happier. We did use to go out for a long walk in the pushchair everyday to get us out the house, I enjoyed it, he would usually sleep and I'd get a break from feeling like I needed to entertain him. Could you maybe speak to your HV about food ideas and sleep? I'd just keep trying lots of bits of different food, don't cook anything special just give bits of what you're having then you don't feel like your wasting time, money and food when they don't eat it. If you eat late on a night save some and warm it up and give it for lunch the following day. It sounds a cliche, but just do whatever works for you and try not to worry about whether it's right. With my first I was adamant I wouldn't co-sleep and preserved with many a sleepless night, my second still gets in bed with me a few times a week!

TeenAndTween Tue 30-May-17 18:50:51

Surely at 1 yo groups are for the parent and not actually for the child?

April229 Tue 30-May-17 19:38:53

Yes, vitamin drops, totally takes the heat off worrying they are eating the right things until you get the eating sorted.

With mine I found it helped to cut up different things up, banana, grape, apple peppers and have them on a plate while she is sat with her toys, out of curiosity she would stick some in her mouth - spit most of it out but start getting used the different flavours. Adding puréed fruit to porridge a little at a time started to introduce new things too.

Don't stress the other stuff esp the house work 💐

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic Wed 31-May-17 08:22:53

Thank you all so much. She is my only child so everything is so new.

There is a church at the end of my street which does 2 things a week, I'll stick with that as literally seconds from the door.

She is in nursery this morning so will have a rest and recharge.

FlyingJellyfishintheAttic Wed 31-May-17 21:50:30

Fuck. Nursery had a parents evening this evening, 15 min to see how DD is doing and I bloody forgot. So angry with myself. Right now it feels I can't do anything right.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Thu 01-Jun-17 01:52:13

Don't beat yourself up about that either!

Ok, it'd be nice to hear them talk about her. But I doubt they'd take the full 15 minutes. She's only little.

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